I don't consider it a date when you meet the person for the first time. - Even if you had exchanged emails or chatted or phoned each other already before.

At least, I don't call it a date as long as I am only in the "phase of getting to know the other person".

But if you invite a girl for a first meeting for a tyical date scenario (dinner and cinema), this will look very much like a date attempt for the girl. I also know that in some cultures, even the first meeting of a guy and a girl is immediately considered to be a date.

I would say, a date is when both persons are interested in more than just friendship.

Depends for whom...I would not think so.

I guess it depends on what you hope to 'experience' with this new person...

If you hope to experience some hot sex, then it's probably a date

Hot sex?? I thought the rule was "Only on the third date"..

I think the rule is "Only after the third drink"

Good one Oded

Modern times, different rules...As long as you don't drive after the third drink it's ok !

I think you know if the other or infact you are attracted to the person, if this is the case i would say its on a date.  One or both of you are hoping for a kiss or of course more at the end of the evening.  If you are both going out with friends in mind its different.  If you dont know, your probably going to come across an uncoftable situation at the end of the evening(pleasent or un pleasent)

...usually when the clock moves from PM t AM

Well, I was not considering sex. And if it was about sex it would not be a date. In my opinion.

If you mean you arrange with someone you dont know to go to an event together (eg who wants to go with me to this glocals event), then its not a date.

If you already have met the person more than once and ask him/her to go to a group event together then its not a date.

If you already met this person and you ask him/her to go somewhere just the two of you then yes its a date.

But it`s not a date if it is "just" a friend. Then it`s just a... whatever, but not  a date.. I`ll agree with the person who wrote the stuff about expectations.

That sounds appropriate to me.

And what if you are already onvolved with someone, girlfriend/boyfriend, married, engaged, etc.  Is dating ok with someone?

I believe that's commonly called "testing the waters". you know what happened to Curiosity... :)

I mean if both are single obviously. If one of them is married/engaged/in a relationship whatever is never a date.

And i also assume that both of them dont want to be single anymore ;)

So I am thinking lonliness would be a big part of wanting to meet or date. If I was feeling lonely and simply wanted to spend an evening out with someone, I do not think I would consider it a date. Agree?

But what would happen if things developed into more than expected during that evening out?

or further to that, I should clarify, how much thought should one put into considering the likelihood of things progressing more than expected?

ok, I'll tell you what happened to Curiosity: it killed the cat!! we'll never know if it was out of getting bored or lonely, though...

poor cat

Interesting thread ;-)

In my opinion a date should be considered a date, when two people "hang out" together on any social activity for any period of time in order to find out as to whether based on the outcome on the enjoyment of each others company, one would further like to indulge into activities with each other to be enjoyed and with the intention of transforming the nature of the relationship from an acquiantance or a friend" towards the next level as a partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse.

If the intent of hanging out together, is not to shift the nature of the relationship towards anything apart from being friends, then it should not be considered as a date.

Cheers;

Andrash

p.s: there were some comments made about sex, I have been to at least two countries where for e.g. if you invite a woman to dinner, and she accepts, then you as a man can take it for granted that she will have sex with you, now would you still consider that a date ;-)?

PS: no, it would be considered a successful evening

Hi Andrash

I guess there are many guys and girls out there wanting to know which 2 countries!

I find it hard to believe that anyone can go out on a a first date knowing for sure what to expect. Unless if it's internet dating for that purpose, but I assume that's not what we're talking aobut here.

 I think that the term date is in itself very abstract. It depends on the chemistry and on the personality of the people say if they're shy they'll probably date a few times before the first kiss happens even though both have wanted to since the first date.

Sometimes things move faster, whatever hapens  why worry, just have fun, be yourself and respect your boundaries and the other person's.

If it turns out there's no chemistry you can always be friends or not, life is really too short to worry about dating.

2 basic rules when u wanna get 2 know a woman better:

1) never ever mention the word "DATE" when u want 2 fix an appointment with a woman

2) never ever mention " i take u OUT"

The words "date" and "out" have got 2 be eradicated from your vocabulary

Cheers all

p.s life's too short and just go with the flow....

The way I see it, if I say "wanna go for a coffee?", I'm testing the waters and/or just wanting to make some new friends.

If I use the words "taking out" or "date", then that to me IS a proper date and possibly should only be done once you've known the other person for a short while.

Blind dates withstanding, I couldn't see myself asking someone out on a first date having never seen them in person and having had a chance to speak face to face for a while. Internet medium simply does not convey human emotion and behaviour to me in a sufficiently adequate manner. It's a bit like driving blind, just doesn't feel right.

If you talk about sex before meeting; then it's a "date" ;-))

its not about modern times...its about chemistry and goin with the flow...and avoiding 2 be an accountant by stating:" oh this is only the 2nd time were together which makes it only 7 hours and 57 minutes and 22 seconds that were together"

give me a break:-)))

nothing! whatever happens happens, but you shouldn't plan for more than what you've both agreed on.

and if the reason why you started this thread is because you're planning to break up a marriage (it kind of sounds like it from your follow up posts), then don't! just back out of it before you ruin people's lives! i hope this isn't the case though, and in that case i appologize for my drastic assumption.

but, married or not, it's always better to expect too little than too much, and whatever you do: don't take anything for granted!

i think it's time for a group date! 

Just don't define it, and let it flow. 

And if it evolves into something you both feel is right and lovey-dovey, then you can think back to your first 'date' and laugh about it.

And if you want to send her a clear message that it IS a date, here's what to wear:

Hi All,

I will have to disagree with Tony Montana.     A strong woman who is truely feminine and is straight and knows what she wants is charmed when a man clarifies that its a date.

Hint guyz :   We will put on our best perfume if its a date and look our best , but if its just a meeting to meet a new friend you may not get the first impression you would want from a woman.  Nor the side you would get as a man that is more than a friend.

When i meet a new friend i act like a guy and like his buddy, when i know its a date ( which has not happened in years actually ) then I would show my feminine side and the side he will get if we continue to date.

Life is not that complex.   Old fashion proposals are a turn on.  Clarity will save you alot of hassle and being a true Gentleman will win our hearts :-)

Having a DATE that one or both knows its a hidden coffee message just messes things up and you both don`t get the best of each others` romantic side.

Good Ole Fashion Manners and Flirting in a tasteful way like a Gentleman ALWAYS WORKS no matter what.  

I think a real man appreciates a real woman and the roles must be played in this movie correctly.

If you really want a friend then go for a friend but I think missions should be clear.   If you wanna see a woman show off her curves and charm and beauty then don`t mix signals.

Create a Masterpiece of a Date next time,

Dr. Cat

Just to answer David since he started the thread.

It is considered a date if you clarify it.   But do not play with other people`s hearts nor your own and create other impressions.  Not everyone`s rules are like ours.  We never know what impact we can have on others.

Being straight is the best prevention for misunderstandings,  once that is out of the way.......

Get out there and have fun,

Cat

Hi all

Heikke L, I have to disagree with the concept of "blind date" - As I see it all dates are somehow blind, What it makes a date interseting is the feeling of meeting someone who you don't have a clue about. Surprise is the element, steping into new grounds is what makes simple things become fun. We will never drive blind, it is true, but wouldn't you like to taste the feeling?

Lets blind date all together!!!

Nir O - That picture is just f** awesome

G

warning: too much thinking may lead to too little dating

:-))) Excellent! 

and why on earth do we have 2 declare everything??? whats the matter girl ? your sixth and seventh senses are not functioning anymore??? 

make sure u have a little tiny clue about the woman..we've all seen the movie "play misty for me" starring good ol Clint!:-)

OK, this is all great, but I have a friend who wears the men she likes down by going on "non-date dates." 

Sheesh!  Now there is a new one.  The "non-date date."

BTW, it works well for her, too, from what I am told.  The men never know what hit 'em.

I'm not sure when a date is considered a date, but I do know that if the below happens to you, it's probably a date :-)

And, to be fair, here's the lady's response to the 'Jizzed in my Pants' video.

Whaaat????? NEVER EVER USE THIS RULES GUYS!!!! Insteat of you try to have a date or to take out an extrem feminist

It's nice and clear if a guy ask for an date or wants to take a woman out.

To the rules "HOT SEX AFTER 3 DATES OR DRINKS"... this is always pending on the first date

if the above happens to you, i'd say it's probably a treatable disfunction.

oh la classe... :-)

Well thats the problem... there are too many extreme feminists around these days...but i totally agree with u in the sense that IF she's a traditional (19th century, gone with the wind type) ...(which obviously doesnt exist anymore)... then by all means mention the words OUT and  DATE and be the red buttler...but in the 21st century just be a Tony Montana....

I don't agree with you.... Every woman likes romantics and traditionals, just some lit it more and some like it less.

Oh i do beg your pardon my dear Scarlett O' Hara...

Your red (gone with the wind) buttler

Oh, those communist servants... How dare they!?

these communists tell u what 2 do ..what 2 think,,,no way man, im tonymontana and i want my human rights with a  green card please....

I think its all about the connection you develop during your "Date" of which we find ourselves always on the wrong side of events and emotions largely due to our luck of patience!

Nothing highlights this more on this by this article by M. Mcmahon on the virtues of patience.....read on

Connecting with another person is one of the most sacred, exciting and spiritually challenging experiences we will go through in this lifetime. Sometimes we are brought the perfect person to teach us exactly what it is that we need to learn about love.

Yet what many of us are challenged by is being patient when it's time to build a relationship. Most of us want to know right away what it will "be." However, rushing the physicality of your connection just creates insecurity, and insecurity is the opposite of intimacy, which is the key to any successful relationship.

Feeling safe is what allows people to move forward, and this feeling can only be built over time. Intimacy has a lot of different levels, and it isn't just about physical connection - though that is an important part. Taking the time to listen and learn about someone new in your life will allow a closeness that is based on respect, in every area, to manifest itself.

So try and enjoy this building of a new relationship as much as the physical aspect. Hormones and fantasies can justify your impulse to jump right into something, but it won't help you find the deeper (lasting!) connection that comes from taking it slowly. So take a deep breath. Be grateful for your initial chemistry. Now slow down your mind - and open your heart.

Trust, and trust more
One of the reasons people who sincerely want a relationship sometimes jump into bed too quickly is that they are afraid if they don't "seal the deal" and bond in the bedroom, they will lose that person's interest. If they can just show they are skilled between the sheets, it will "fix" anything that's askew.

But the truth is, most of us connect compatibility in bed with compatibility in life. If it were as easy as getting and giving good sex, why would any of us talk to each other at all? If you want a love that is built on the simple joy of spending time together, then you must make that the focus of the initial courtship period.

If the connection is there, let it grow. Resist the urge to jump ahead. Everything ebbs and flows. You may feel it more on one date, and less on the next. Keep trusting, and accept the journey to evolve. Don't count dates. Don't analyze every word you say to each other. Trust that clarity will come at the exact right time. Wouldn't you rather spend a long time getting to know one person - and have it last - than have two or three more quick flings that leave you as alone as before?

Think evolution
There is a lot of advice out there about "playing hard to get." The sentiment is right, but the reasoning is often flawed. Making yourself artificially unavailable is like trying to get someone to drink a glass that's half-full. But having a full wonderful life that you slowly integrate a new person into is attractive. That's why your self-care is crucial to nurturing a relationship. Don't drop your life when you sense that your connection is growing. Yes, you might clear your Saturday nights, of course - but dropping plans with friends, giving up your fitness routine, or spending every night at your new love's apartment is just going to tell your new partner - "you are my whole life!" And that's a countdown to an ending - because the pressure becomes unbearable on them. Allow this next level of connection to evolve. Just because the connection is there doesn't mean it's time to change addresses, share finances, or adopt pets together! One day at a time... more will eventually be revealed.

No expectations!
Don't judge the speed of this relationship against anyone else's romances - or measure it by your own past relationships! If you surrender the fact that this is an utterly new relationship unlike any others, your path to love will be yours only - completely unique, and divine. You will relax into a profound freedom. There are only three outcomes to taking it slow: 1) it will grow into a deep and stable love, 2) you will lose interest, 3) the other party will lose interest. If you lose interest, you'll realize it was a good thing you found out before you had a joint credit card with them. If they lose interest, you'll have the clarity to look elsewhere. If it grows into a deep and stable love, it won't matter how long it takes.

Remember, while you're checking your watch and wondering, is this going to be what I want or not?, there is someone else in this story, and you have no idea what they are going through. They may still be emotionally letting go of someone else they had been seeing. They may be cleaning out old photographs that need to be gone from their home before you get invited over. Or they may just be giving their heart time to speak clearly.

So, pull back the expectations and have fun. Because above everything, the pursuit of love can be full of joy, and you get to bring that light. So laugh, smile and relax. Love has a way of arriving right on time.

Quite a concept.. @oded.. good one, mate.. ( shudnt come out with all of them secrets...) lol

A date is a date when u want it to be a date.. it has to involve a high level of adoration for the other ( didnt that sound poetic) .. I have been out for a movie with complete strangers and it dont qualify as a date coz it wasnt a tad bit serious.. ;-)

Likely Scenario..

If its starts off with the women in question giving u a negative response and the guy in question, being extremely persistent about it.. and it eventually leads you to a little moment of togetherness over a cuppa coffee , thats a start ..

If the next move is the guys, then thats encouragement.. If the guy hints at *that Hip Club I was at the other day¨,maybe i cud get us exclusive passes* and the girl buys it, its leading to the HOT SEX AFTER 3 DATES OR DRINKS" ( @Betty)..

The rest, as they say, is HIStory.. :-)