Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here." And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph."
Louie Armstong walks into a bar in Tibet where the high priest is the bartender. Louis says, "Hello, Dahli
Pavlov walks into a bar. The bartender rings the bell for last drinks, and he thinks "Damn- I forgot to feed the dog"
A man from North Carolina goes into a bar in New England. He asks the bartender, "Did you go to Harvard?" The bartender says, "Yale." The North Carolinan says, "DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?"
A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"
A crow walks into a bar wearing a pearl necklace. He orders a drink. "I've never seen a crow wearing a pearl necklace before", says the barkeep. "What do you expect with basic black?", says the crow.
An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me an erroneous punchline!" The woman says, “But Mabel! It’s eating popcorn!”
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender Say "You mean a Martini? And the Roman goed "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one."
Sorry, we don't serve time travelers here
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not", then disappeared.
An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"
Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says "Higgs-Bosons aren't allowed in here." The Higgs-Boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"
A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"
I woke up this morning, changed a lightbulb walked across the street, got into a bar and I realized, my whole life ...is a joke
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