Of course. I never understand why its a question for some people.

This was bound to appear , so I thought I'd get it out there

we can be friends when guy is married, in relationship, have known him since very young and you compare him with your brothers. Or he is unattractive to you (friendzoned maybe).

Hey Kelly...quite an interesting topic!

As a teenager I always had a doubt...I cannot speak for others, I flirted and wanted all beautiful girls in bed...20 onwards I began to share some good level...still feelings would jiggle until I fell in Love by 21...so between 21 to 32 I was able to balance my feelings...now I’m 35 and make really good friends with girls....the fact is with my girlfriends healthy flirt level still remains... ‘only if they are single’...but definitely I hold high respect and value friendship...the ‘x’ factor is ignored...now I have some really good friends and feel equally the same for opposite sex...presently being single I still make good friends with girls...so by age men and women can be good friends!    

In a word yes.

It becomes a tad more difficult the moment one or the other wants to sleep with the other.

In my opinion it depends on the age and maturity.

no

men in general dont really like talking or shopping

women dont like drinking and cars

i love drinking and cars, i do tempt to talk but I hate shopping if we are not talking about food!

No! this video sums it up nicely...

yes

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DT_lh5fR4DMA%26feature%3Dplayer_embedded&h=KAQGTuhydAQG2e8jiWc5mPpGpim_FLuXQT852lUWPQCZ3bw

Not surprising given that it was filmed at Utah State!

yes they can be just friends

Yes they can, but a male friend of mine once told me that a man will never be friends with a woman he doesnt find attractive

The interesting point with relationships is that any relationship between two people is unique and cannot be compared with any other. Therefore, the main question is whether you and the other person are able to find a balanced communication which suits both of you.

If you or the other person feels too much as a magnet, the attraction power (or repulsion factor) could be too strong for keeping the balance in the relationship. By beeing straight and honest, by not having or creating any false expectations, it is possible to keep a good friendship.

Finally, a friend relationship between men and women is always more interesting (at least for the guys who are neither interested in cars nor drinking...).

I always thought men and women could be friends and I still do! I've had and still have lots of male friends, but it seems these days trying to make a new one..not as easy. As soon as I mention I'm in a relationship the whole vibe is changed. What's up with that?!

no never

Hi Lauren, depend if the girl is single and touches our heart OR when a girl is in relationship and is kind....we men are always happy to be with beautiful, touchy and kind friends!!

It always comes back to sex

Sounds like you need some better friends.

Of Course they do...

or NOT

I agree.. same thing happened to me

to all the women on here that are naive enough to think they have male friends...wake up!- we are only after one thing - pretending to be a 'friend' is the oldest ploy in the book

men and women can only be friends if there is no interest in sex -for a man that means that they have to be gay, old, crazy... or the woman is ugly

sorry people but you know its the truth

you mean "friends with benefits"?

I think "ugly" is not the only reason, there are many very pretty girls that I know that I consider "friends", they're mostly either  attached or married.

Also with some female friends its clear to both parties that initiating a sexual relationship would ruin a perfectly good friendship, and personally I prefer to have them as a friend rather than a quick "jump"... there's plenty fish in the sea to satiate even the most ravenous of appetites.

I wasn't even thinking about the friends with benefits idea but thats a good point!

So it seems that girls (with no ulterior motive) can have guy friends and guys actually can have girl friends (even if they have an attraction to them and let's face it, guys can be attracted to lots and lots of girls, particularly as their beer to blood ratio increases).  I think it's ok but often this type of friendship will fade if one or other gets into a relationship.  Sometimes you can evolve through it all too, I'm good friends for example with most of my exes and also, friends I've had since I was in my teens (although even they try it on sometimes).  So sometimes they try it on, they are still my friends, they just get a good shove.  I think if a girl is really attracted to a guy, on the other hand, it's difficult to be friends. Maybe that's just me!  Loving the videos!

for the context of this discussion that doesn't count then...

LMAO @ "beer to blood ratio"......

(guilty as charged!)

Well.. from personal experience (TechUni …lots looots of guys)

 Male-Female friendships are possible.

Of course at first one or another goes in to the Friend Mode for one reason and one reason only but the trick is that when one of them decides to make a move and the other stops her/him both sides are grown and self confident enough to a) give the cold shoulder in polite way without “I’m better then you “ attitude, b) accept the No and see if you like the person enough to be just friends in order not to loose contact.

  But for all this to happen ppl have to be simply kind to each other.
So … I do have many male friends from Uni/Highschool/Job I consider good or best friends. However I admit with most of them first friendship reason was the affection stopped by one or another side.

…

It needs time and right ppl but it is doable 

It's basically complex. It cannot be true everytime and it cannot be false also everytime. Basically you cannot generalize the statement that "Men and Women can never be friends and love, sex or whatever it is comes in-between". Everyone knows what relations they want to maintain with opposite sex. I know lot of my friends who are opposite sex and very good friends and also yes we can't deny the friends with benefits. I also have a lot of female friends and I didn't thought so far, may it's the time now 

sorry Keith, first post that I disagree with you.. I'm fortunate enough to know a few great looking, non gay, non ugly, not old... well, a little crazy yes - women. 

Kelly, I think the question as you have asked it is a little outmoded as sex may well be a necessary component of an ensuing friendship and a greater connection, but is not in my view and experience an absolute necessity. 

The above would require men to somewhat look at sex as a means of a connection, and intimacy not just a form of prowess. As for women I cannot say but perhaps there could be a recalibration there also in terms of expectation and judgements and in this way we could come together initially with more neutrality, honesty and openness.  Sex=Sex, Friendship=Friendship, Sex&Friendship=road to hurt, Intimacy&Friendship=relationship.  After all isn't the question how can we have more successful relationships, and that ultimately includes loving ones?   Perhaps the 21st century question is can you love men and woman without having to sleep with them?  

Returning to the original question, I proffer that men and women can indeed be friends but men I believe have more work to do in that department and that seems to be loosely supported by the Utah video. For my part I have been friends since the age of 21 with a woman that I was also physically attracted to at the time, still am in a way, but did not wish to take it any further as I valued the friendship over the unknown (and have seen a number of partners come and go, even a husband, and I'm still in the picture). 

So, Yes it’s more than possible and I think it’s fundamental.  Gentlemen, please do not loose sight of the nobility and riches that an unconsummated friendship with a woman can give, and the virtues of building a true friendship before anything more evolved.  Do not loose sight of the personal benefits of self restraint generally.  Also why not respect one’s sexuality more, rather than treat it as yet a further form of consumerism.  My view is that our emphasis in this rather confused world should be on creating connections, which may lead to relationships hopefully based on sound healthy motives, and not personal projections, sexual needs, fantasies or else, which creates distortions and problems down the road.    

Ever heard of good sex and bad relationships?  The case of many and when it’s good they generally don’t look very hard at the relationship until by then it’s hard to back track.  So the question should be can we remain friends after sex and/or a relationship, because isn't the latter what matters most?  Too much importance placed on sex in my view.  Choose the friendships while being yourself, choose sex and you’ll start playing games - once described as a substitute for intimacy.  

Some of you may find the podcasts on these websites of relevance in respect to relationships, sex and friendships: http://whateveramen.com/category/podcasts/sexandlove/  also: http://www.soundstrue.com/weeklywisdom/?source=podcast&p=3859&category=IATE&version=full http://www.soundstrue.com/weeklywisdom/?source=podcast&p=4545&category=IATE&version=full

PS Some may also choose a period of celebacy, so not be gay, crazy, old or else.   WIse?  Maybe! 

I personally experienced that men usually wanted to be more than "just friends"! ... However, I would love to have just a "male friend" - who would be up to it?

According to some relevant posts here, if you are gay, crazy, old or ugly, then you are on the safe side.... if you don't fit these requirements,, you're out of luck Alex  

Of course it can happen.

Except when the female is using the friendship as cover for other gains.

ouch.... come on Dodi.. the fairer sex ( had to mention these words, for other gains as well ), would never, ever do such a thing 

I'm not going to read all the past comments (would be too long) so I don't know if what I'll say is appropriate or has already been said many times, but here it is:

I'm so thankful to my Glocals friends who make me feel special in a lot of ways!!! It's so good to have friends who truly care about you.... So yes, it is possible to have  friends from the other sex, as long as it is clear between you, and staying friends could save a lot or relationships, too! 

I have many male friends and no, neither of us wants to sleep with each other.

I suppose it depends on the men and women involved and the circumstances

I have male and female friends, I don´t think friendship depends on age, attraction or whether single or married, they are people I like and feel good with them.

Just one question: Why is used the word sleep?

I sleep with many of my friends (male and female). However i do not have sex with all them.

And yes is possible to have friends of ages, gender, race or creed.

This is very easy and here my thoughts:

When you go out with a girl here, seldom she wants friendship.

But if you go out with groups, making activities like salsa,hiking, driving whatever you always make friendships.

But in my limited experience going out one to one here is often an experience going beyond friendship.

Do you mean you have sex with a mix of your male and female friends, or only with the female friends included in the "many of my friends"? ;-)

"But in my limited experience going out one to one here is often an experience going beyond friendship."

Ah la la, these Swiss girls are only thinking about sex... ;-)

Just to clarify:

I am talking about Zurich experience and not Swiss girls.

The limited experience is not only Swiss girls.

I am actually saying MEN have to be gay, old,crazy or find the woman unattractive to want to be just friends on a genuine basis

Most of mens friendship is a poor excuse to get into their pants - if you like playing that game good luck to you

LOL - you really think that your male friends are not dreaming of having sex with you?

Ignore what they say in public -  the inner world of a man is very intense and far more sick and twisted then we let on

depends upon your interests and attitude - to be blunt most womens interests are as boring as f**k, most cannot hold an interesting conversation beyond a minute or two  and some can have a bad attitude towards men - wanting equality and liberation (as if somehow women are the weaker sex) and then wanting men to entertain and do everything for them

sadly with mens addiction to sex women can and often do have their cakes and eat it

which guy? if he is an arrogantboring  selfish bastard then thats probably the truth

I dont think, i know. If you want to have sex with all your female friends thats ok. Not all men do

Hey Keith,

so no chance for ugly women? Shall they kill themselves as they will never find a man, see a face surgeon, get new breasts....?

Next point: ugly man. Why are they not on your list? Do you think they simply do not exist?

Thanks for clarifying!

to all the women on here that are naive enough to think they have male friends...wake up!- we are only after one thing - pretending to be a 'friend' is the oldest ploy in the book

men and women can only be friends if there is no interest in sex -for a man that means that they have to be gay, old, crazy... or the woman is ugly

sorry people but you know its the truth

Well said Rena!

Thanks Jan, I know what I am talking about.

I thought i was already :-D

it only matters if the man thinks the woman is ugly - to be brutally realistic most men  will have sex with almost any woman -we are not that fussy

tbh a woman has to be very bad looking for a man not to be interested

...to be continued

Yes, Antonio - you are!

Keith , I think you're only  speaking for yourself here... most guys I know are pretty fussy (even with beer goggles on). Each of course has his own "type" that attracts him, and generally operates within those brackets.

One mans monster may the the beauty for another.

It sounds like your friends need better friends!

(Where is the puking smiley?)

Unless you are in the upper echelons of mankind then being choosy is not an option

You cannot be serious.

Well I guess you have no standards then. When it comes to this I am definitely very picky.

But then it depends on your philosophy. I am for quality over quantity. Maybe you prefere quantity.

Being choosy is an obligation.

You'd be shocked at what you can accomplish or acquire by the simple act of demanding better.

... maybe I am a woman myself then, cause I have been / am / always will be fussy.

see, I have a mirror in the bathroom, which I look at everymorning and it pleases me to be happy with that person.

Keith: forgive me but your notion that all guys will sleep with anyone is ridiculous. Attraction is something way more subtle, as Charlie says, even for men when the beer goggles are on. Granted it would seem anyone's threshold decreases with the amount of liquor ingested, but I still don't think that limit just drops to zero after the third or fourth beer. But hey, everyone is different, or needs different things at different times in their life so i'm not judging.

Maybe what you're trying to say if that a guy CAN sleep with anyone. Yeah sure, that's goes for both girls and guys, but what kind of sex are we talking about here? Surely quality counts for something?

I would agree that a lot of men will be friends with a girl just to get into their pants, (I've seen it many many times) but that's not an exclusive rule either. I have plenty of female friends over the years I've never slept with, though several I have (and we are now just friends), and this is independent of whether there was or was not a strong attraction in the first place.

Anyways I think communication is the key. Seems to me problems between boy and girl come when there's a disconnect in expectations, which can easily be avoided or dealt with by being honest and forward. For myself, I usually approach any encounter with the basis of friendship. This just makes it easier to find out what the other person is thinking and takes the pressure off. I don't think i agree that the risk of falling into a friendship means you can't get back to the attraction. And besides, if there's no potential friendship underlying the relationship, then what more do you have to share besides sex? And won't you feel wierd aftewards? Ok... if that's all someone wants at the time then sure. BUt I find many ppl, women AND men, really want something more than just selfish sex but are not honest with themselves about it... and so again, talking about it helps sort it out!

Well that's my 2-bits.

Everybody is choosy...whether its character, smile, eyes, looks, sense of humour, cooking abilty, childbearing ability, breasts, legs, ass, finances, car, animal likes, slim, large, tall, short, blonde , brunette...whatever, the list is long....

Some people, have more "standards" and some have more criteria to fill in order to feel comfortable with someone,   but everyone has a "choice"....

sorry, can you repeat the word men, but LOUDER please ?

..I'm glad that you said "most of mens friendship is a poor excuse to get into their pants" - no, fortunately, no games are required, but thanks for the good luck wishes.

Perhaps we should do a little anonymous poll of who got in each others pants within the glocals groupies. Now that would be a fun idea..

as an oldies Meat Loaf song... " you took the words right out of my mouth"

Glocals: The odds are good but the goods are odd.

Yes, the so called goods are very odd.

that applies to both sexes.....

It's peculiar all these people on Glocals, constantly posting in the Forums and yet seemingly unhappy with the community they are involved in or maybe is it just one half of it.?? And I've noticed a few post the 'goods are odd' comment more than once... It's a bit sad really...  Or maybe it's a themselves they are referring to..?

I've heard it said and I'd have to agree - how you view others is more a reflection of who you are yourself, than of who they are... non? Be careful what you say as it shows a lot of who you are!!!

Indeed.

I want have a friend like you.

I thought that not possible, my experiences is , all the men came to me looking for something, I some times just want to keep a friendship with them, seemed none of it works. alternative,sex friend doesn't easy to keep, as everyone looking for a relationship.

So you are shocking me, if you are among the friends just want to pure friendship.

Of course they can be friends.

The place it doesn't work out well is when one side is besotted with the other, such that being around them as a friend is painful.

Sometimes if you were lovers before it can be a bit bizzare too....

As long as men keep their brains out of their pants and women stop to analyze the relationship, YES, Men & Women can very well be friends - disrespective of age! 

I hv many male friends - b4 marriage and after being married and it's perfect!!! 

Cheers

Men and women can be friends. Except, they can also be "umm...friends" or "ahem...friends" or "just...friends" but then, they aren't really friends.

Off topic.

Depends on how you present yourself to men.... Your attitude shows if you want sex or not......

Cat . you having a bad day, or just being beligerently idiotic on all threads today'

That's off topic too.

I hope the woman has a choice to say no if she doesn't want to, or if she thinks the guy is ugly....

Actually, it seems you have a very poor self esteem... That would explain a lot....

From past experience,I won't enter into any serious discussion on what people have said,but I am reminded of a recent quote on BBC radio that struck me as having a grain of truth.

Apparently,recent research has shown that,something like:

,90% of men(hetero) find most women slightly attractive.

Meanwhile,90% of women(hetero) find most men slightly repulsive.

In my experience that seems to be pretty close to the truth.....

men and women seem to look at eachother through SUCH different lenses - it's pretty mindboggling

That makes sense. Girls are just so much nicer to look at in general. Im sure that if I was a girl I would still like girls.

Ha ha ha.....interesting!

We do tend to like and appreciate eachother physically - but maybe men do too(but just don't express it!!)

How many times have you heard a guy say to another"Hey,that shirt really suits you"o r "You look really great!" ?

But ,then again,this is getting away from the point I expressed above - which I think is quite important but....

...ooops,sorry,i forgot,this is not a place for serious,intelligent discussion,so i have been told.....

Men socialize by insulting each other, but don't really mean it.

Women socialize by complimenting  each other, and they don't really mean it either. 

;)

Don't know about men but,from my own experience,the women I know DO mean it and  do appreciate eachother very much.And "complimenting" is not how we "socialize" - it's far more complex than that.

Friendship between women is often very meaningful and emotionally nourishing(personally,women friends have been my rock throughout traumatic or difficult times in life - and I ain't talking shopping ,dieting or relationship fluff here!!!)

Ooops-forgot-here I go again trying to get into a serious discussion....I'd....I'd better go....errr...sorry....

Oh.....f**k,here we go again.Time for me to go and do something interesting.................

This whole thread just shows how men and women 'socialize'. Great study in social psychology.  Women forge deep, loving, emotionally supportive relationships with each other, it's a fallacy that they are bitchy to each other.   Men compete, aggress and joke (check the comments above!!!!). That's the baseline, sometimes seems a stereotype (I know lots of emotionally mature and communicative men however) so many people do differ on this.  But just check any playground - girls are accommodating, negotiating, helping. Guys are pushing each other over and breaking up the girl's games. It's not socialization, it's neurons!!  In utero, a surge of testosterone in the male's brain, cuts out a whole load of neurons in the communication area!! AND BTW, the area of the brain related to sexual drive in a man is 2.5 times that of a woman and a woman's area of communication is 11% bigger than a man's. It's not their fault!!! ;-)  Still gotta love them.

LOL

Such an old fashioned statement, which century are you living in??!!

 My comment was for Keith P..

Hear! Just gotta slightly tune out sometimes and all will be well :)

one thing we ALL forgot to mention is that its very often a good idea to be "friends" with the person youre in a relationship (or married to) with....

(except on Facebook of course   )

Bravo! Yes come on, be friends first. But man, that's what I WAS saying!!!

Buzzcocks: your 90-10% attractive/repulsive ratio made me burst out laughing. Good one, but damn, sucks to be a girl then doesn't it?

Maybe we should just all agree that both sexes are completely messed up.

Of course men an women can be friends!We are human beings with a sophisticated brain! aren't we?LOL

Don't be so pessimistic dear Izzie! LOL

One could look at the same results in another peacemaking perspective.

90% of women(hetero) find most men slightly repulsive.
Yet, 90% of men(hetero) find most women slightly attractive.

I didn't do it. It must be the neurons!

Guys, if you try to be friends first, you will stay friends.. (crickets chirping..)

The other way around leaves more opportunities open and also makes for good friendships, should the romance not last forever.

Buzz, it's evolution at work (it's not eliminated, yet..): mate selection vs. putting as big a fingerprint on the gene pool, as you can.. no surprises there.

thats 1 in 10 women who dont find men "slightly repulsive"...

Keith...your odds just went up matey...

NO  - I know my place in life - it aint in the Brad Pitt , George Clooney league

21st century - easy question - you are not very challenging - well you are blonde - LOL

sex first then see if a woman is good reltionship material

.. BC ;)

Ooohh dear, you sound quite "challenged" yourself if that's the only "original" insult you can give back!!

I think men and woman can just be friends.....but it seldom starts like that. Often it starts with a situation where both sides or one side is attracted/interested....but for some reason "more then friends" is not possible...one or both might already be in a relationship for example. A a result, the attraction often fades, but friendship might remain.

I think in genaral the type of the relationship (friends/lovers/partners) is determined at a fairly early stage of getting to know eachother.

This tread is mind blowing.....I am laughing my gut out .  10 things men knows about women is soooo true ahaha and yes sex before relationship kinda sound like men..,....keep going people, and people with sophesticated brains lol I am loving this....I demand, this thread should never stop.

That's a very good one!!!!! Thanks for mentionning! A relationship is not all about sex, even though it's an important part. It would not last without friendship and respect for each other!!!!

:-)

How many people who have commented on the thread have a member of the opposite sex who also has commented as a friend?

We should hear from them..

Well put,Well said and thanks to your meaningful intellectual knowledge relating to the topic- However,sadly n realistically,it seems the majority can't look pass sex in order to see,what real quality of life is... Good sex is great....But, is it all? nor should it be the determining factor or criteria to know somebody-male or female...For me,attractive means an intellectual mind,a kind warm heart and high morales.Physical looks-i'm not into scoring points by getting to know the popular goodlooking type- Having said that,different people different strokes,as much as i'm adamant on my principles of life,we should be open n neutral to other's views,listening but not actually agreeing,at least i think it should be the basic common decency n respect for all to behave- Life is good,can be greater,if we focus on more important issues 

yes, sure ! why not?

boohoo - i have been insulted online

it boils down to friendship v sex

sorry but sex is always going to win - as its the reason for our existence - you can intellectualize it all you like and dress it up but you know you are only fooling yourselves

think about it? if our parents had decided to just be friends...

men and women can only be friends IF there is NO sexual tension which is quite rare

I say yes... I have tones of guy friends... but to make sure they understand there just friends I call them my brothers from another mother

Cause I guess there can be a time when confusion can happen... Playing dumb always works on my part atleast.

How to make friends and influence people Keith....

Quite Irrelevant, really..(you must be quite good at it).. With all due respect to our parents,I'm hoping they never have to sleep with all their friends,in order to find the right one (how bizarre!)

William Shakespeare said: "..What is it to Love?..."

Emotion or Neural itch? With Valentines Day not far the question is worth pondering. http://www.positscience.com/blog/2011/02/07/your-brain-in-love-part-1-when-love-is-a-many-splendored-thing/  

Setting the record straight? Helen Fisher in her video seems to have her word to say.  According to her It would seem men have some catching up to do - but let's not be gender bias

Sorry Utube link not working here you go: http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html

Before you said "No"

Now you are saying "Yes if"

Sounds like Keith has escaped from his cave again!

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth - Blaise Pascal

The well-bred contradict other people, the wise contradict themselves – Oscar Wild

yes

So Keith is wise!

We are all works in progress why should he be the exception to the rule!

He is not the exception to the rule!I didn't mean any harm .

Here here  for "cardero's a" and his minimalist reply above.No Google-search image competition,no slanging match,no intellectualizing.

So can men and women be friends?  Intellect aside consider whether an alchoholic can stop drinking consider, whether a junky can stop taking drugs.  And so what is dopamine and norepinephrine but a more PC form of reward system for the brain.  In fact just like an addiction a person does can produce so much dopamine that over time, the dopamine response lessens, which means you can lose the ability to feel any kind of pleasure at all.  Then what? Well you need more of it - anyone seen the film "Shame".  Strangely enough hard drugs can dull this dopamine effect so perhaps a junky male friend would be a safe bet.  

Worth nothing as well is that men have about 40-60x the amount than women, so we not equal on that front.  That would suggest men need more self disciplin - and what does boose do to that?  Oh dear time for revelations my dear friend.  You'll see from the video that thrill sports can also release dopamine both for men and woman.  So girls take your male friends shopping that but don't take them bungy jumping with you as you may become more than friends.      

http://videos.howstuffworks.com/discovery/35985-science-of-sex-appeal-testosterone-vs-dopamine-video.htm