It's friday, the sun is shining, and i'm in a good mood so thought i'd share this and start an amusing thread for anyone who wants to contribute :)
So here we go with a chuck norris jokes thread, add on any that you know!
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.
It's friday, the sun is shining, and i'm in a good mood so thought i'd share this and start an amusing thread for anyone who wants to contribute :)
So here we go with a chuck norris jokes thread, add on any that you know!
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but is was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but is was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!
A great thread for a sunny friday! Here's a few good ones:
- When Chuck Norris plays Nazi Zombies it's the Zombies who build barriers.
- Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
- Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.
A great thread for a sunny friday! Here's a few good ones:
- When Chuck Norris plays Nazi Zombies it's the Zombies who build barriers.
- Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
- Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.
I love these jokes!
-Chuck Norris doesn't sleep... he waits!
LOL!!!
Interesting... I didn't know there was a "joke culture" about Chuck Norris.
LOL!!!
Interesting... I didn't know there was a "joke culture" about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a twitter account because nobody is stupid enough to follow Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a twitter account because nobody is stupid enough to follow Chuck Norris.
We Indians have a real, live & kicking Chuck Norris - Rajnikanth aka Rajni
When Rajni goes thro' immigration.. the officers show him their passports.
Rajnikanth doesn't need iPhones or FaceTime. He pulls the person out from the phone and speaks to them face to face.
Here's a website on the man...it doesn't need the internet. It runs on Rajni power... http://www.desimartini.com/allaboutrajni.htm
We Indians have a real, live & kicking Chuck Norris - Rajnikanth aka Rajni
When Rajni goes thro' immigration.. the officers show him their passports.
Rajnikanth doesn't need iPhones or FaceTime. He pulls the person out from the phone and speaks to them face to face.
Here's a website on the man...it doesn't need the internet. It runs on Rajni power... http://www.desimartini.com/allaboutrajni.htm
Great:
You'll be amazed by this
1: got to www.google.com
2: In the search engine type '' where can i find chuck norris''
3: click the tab ''I'm Feeling Lucky''
Result: SURPRISE .. have a look result..:)
Great:
You'll be amazed by this
1: got to www.google.com
2: In the search engine type '' where can i find chuck norris''
3: click the tab ''I'm Feeling Lucky''
Result: SURPRISE .. have a look result..:)
most people wear superman pyjamas when they go to bed. Superman wears Cuck Norris pyjamas
most people wear superman pyjamas when they go to bed. Superman wears Cuck Norris pyjamas
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
Great:
You'll be amazed by this
1: got to www.google.com
2: In the search engine type '' where can i find chuck norris''
3: click the tab ''I'm Feeling Lucky''
Result: SURPRISE .. have a look result..:)
LOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL !!!!!
Chuck Norris plays for Holland.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
When google can't find it, they ask Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not do pushups, the earth moves away from him.
When google can't find it, they ask Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not do pushups, the earth moves away from him.
The world CANNOT end in 2012. Chuck Norris just bought a laptop with 3 years warranty.
The world CANNOT end in 2012. Chuck Norris just bought a laptop with 3 years warranty.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
When Chuck Norris chops Onions, the onions cry.
Coincidence, that Chuck Norris was born on 6th May 1945, and Hilter committed suicide on the 7th May 1945?
When Chuck Norris chops Onions, the onions cry.
Coincidence, that Chuck Norris was born on 6th May 1945, and Hilter committed suicide on the 7th May 1945?
They started the Nobel prizes as Alfred Nobel failed to win the Chuck Norris award.
They started the Nobel prizes as Alfred Nobel failed to win the Chuck Norris award.
Einstein knew the speed of Chuck. How else can anyone explain E=MC²?
James bond has a licence to kill, Chuck Norris does not require a licence.
What colour is Chuck Norris' blood? Trick question, Chuck Norris does not bleed.
When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
and the last one from me,
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says its beef. Then it’s beef.
James bond has a licence to kill, Chuck Norris does not require a licence.
What colour is Chuck Norris' blood? Trick question, Chuck Norris does not bleed.
When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
and the last one from me,
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says its beef. Then it’s beef.
My favorite one:
There is no evolution theory, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live!
My favorite one:
There is no evolution theory, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live!
C N has counted until the infinity number...twice
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
ok this is highly addictive:
C N sleeps with the light on...not because he is afraid of darkness...but because darkness is afraid of him
ok this is highly addictive:
C N sleeps with the light on...not because he is afraid of darkness...but because darkness is afraid of him
Geneva is not safe because...even Chuck Norris can't be everywhere.
That's it. Consider this post my suicide note...lol.
Geneva is not safe because...even Chuck Norris can't be everywhere.
That's it. Consider this post my suicide note...lol.
ok my final two for the day -
Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once asked for a big mac in Burger King, and got one.
happy weekend to all!
ok my final two for the day -
Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once asked for a big mac in Burger King, and got one.
happy weekend to all!
The movie Anaconda was shot in Chuck Norris's underwear.
If only Chuck was in the Titanic. He'd have swum across the Atlantic with the girl in one hand and...the Titanic in the other.
If only Chuck was in the Titanic. He'd have swum across the Atlantic with the girl in one hand and...the Titanic in the other.
Chuck norris does not lie; it's the truth that's got it wrong.
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0
Chuck norris does not lie; it's the truth that's got it wrong.
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0
If only Chuck was in the Titanic. He'd have swum across the Atlantic with the girl in one hand and...the Titanic in the other.
That's Mr Norris to you son.
That's Mr Norris to you son.
The easiest way to space travel & a free ticket outta the solar system - Piss Chuck off...
The easiest way to space travel & a free ticket outta the solar system - Piss Chuck off...
If Chuck Norris Snesses on your wife she will have a boy child.
for the frenchies but with subtitles for the english too :)
America's not a democracy, it's a Chuck-tatorship...
C N can slam shut a revolving door.
There was a bystander at today's merathon/demi holding up a Chuck Norris sign. Bless her.
There was a bystander at today's merathon/demi holding up a Chuck Norris sign. Bless her.
There was a bystander at today's merathon/demi holding up a Chuck Norris sign. Bless her.
she was anti-Chuck... so I doubt she's alive any longer
Was she? Wow, I must have been running by so quickly, I didn't have a chnce to read the whole thing. 
Was she? Wow, I must have been running by so quickly, I didn't have a chnce to read the whole thing.
Was she? Wow, I must have been running by so quickly, I didn't have a chnce to read the whole thing.
...so, CN was coming after YOU at that time ?
anyways.....
CN avenged the radio star !!!
...so, CN was coming after YOU at that time ?
anyways.....
CN avenged the radio star !!!
Superman and flash were arguing about who was the fastest, so they had a race to the moon and back. Chuck Norris won.
Superman and flash were arguing about who was the fastest, so they had a race to the moon and back. Chuck Norris won.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris invented the coffee spoon because killing with a knife was so easy!!
Chuck Norris invented the coffee spoon because killing with a knife was so easy!!
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
When Chuck Norris moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry and then went shopping on a Sunday.
When Chuck Norris moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry and then went shopping on a Sunday.
Chuck Norris doesn't use a watch, he decides what time is it.
Hey...Antonio Meucci invented the telephone!
...and on his answering machine he had a message recorded by Chuck
Hey...Antonio Meucci invented the telephone!
...and on his answering machine he had a message recorded by Chuck
...no words, just have a look!
When Chuck Norris moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry and then went shopping on a Sunday.
I'm going to build on Andy's reply (which I love, well played mate!).
So when CN moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry, and then went shopping on a Sunday. He also got great service at the restautant, found parking easily in center town, and registered his kid to the crech without any waiting list.
I'm going to build on Andy's reply (which I love, well played mate!).
So when CN moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry, and then went shopping on a Sunday. He also got great service at the restautant, found parking easily in center town, and registered his kid to the crech without any waiting list.
In Soviet Russia ..... you beat Chuck!
Chuck Norris took care of that problem.
I'm going to build on Andy's reply (which I love, well played mate!).
So when CN moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry, and then went shopping on a Sunday. He also got great service at the restautant, found parking easily in center town, and registered his kid to the crech without any waiting list.
So when CN moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry, and then went shopping on a Sunday. He also got great service at the restautant, found parking easily in center town, and registered his kid to the crech without any waiting list.
Chuck got his French & Swiss driving licences combined in eighteen seconds, zipped across the Glocals site on mobile devices and tipped over buyclub deals all by himself.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to speak any of the local languages...all local languages speak Chuckese.
So when CN moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry, and then went shopping on a Sunday. He also got great service at the restautant, found parking easily in center town, and registered his kid to the crech without any waiting list.
Chuck got his French & Swiss driving licences combined in eighteen seconds, zipped across the Glocals site on mobile devices and tipped over buyclub deals all by himself.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to speak any of the local languages...all local languages speak Chuckese.
Then later on that afternoon - he went straight to CERN. He never understood why there´s the infamous big fuss. The Higgs boson molecule was instantly discovered upon his arrival and once again, they realised even more puzzled this time (without saying anything obviously), that there is something contradicting Einstein´s theory.
Then later on that afternoon - he went straight to CERN. He never understood why there´s the infamous big fuss. The Higgs boson molecule was instantly discovered upon his arrival and once again, they realised even more puzzled this time (without saying anything obviously), that there is something contradicting Einstein´s theory.
Then that evening after solving various mysteries of the universe, he hopped into a cab which arrived when he thought about it, zoomed into Geneva centre without any traffic or red lights. of course if he had to have paid it would have only been 5chf, but CN does not need currency, he pays with presence.
Then that evening after solving various mysteries of the universe, he hopped into a cab which arrived when he thought about it, zoomed into Geneva centre without any traffic or red lights. of course if he had to have paid it would have only been 5chf, but CN does not need currency, he pays with presence.
Then later on that afternoon - he went straight to CERN. He never understood why there´s the infamous big fuss. The Higgs boson molecule was instantly discovered upon his arrival and once again, they realised even more puzzled this time (without saying anything obviously), that there is something contradicting Einstein´s theory.
Actually, he gave them the Higgs boson molecules, 2 of them.
Then later on that afternoon - he went straight to CERN. He never understood why there´s the infamous big fuss. The Higgs boson molecule was instantly discovered upon his arrival and once again, they realised even more puzzled this time (without saying anything obviously), that there is something contradicting Einstein´s theory.
While @ CERN, Chuck Norris did the funky chicken dance in the Large Hadron Collider...
While @ CERN, Chuck Norris did the funky chicken dance in the Large Hadron Collider...
While @ CERN, Chuck Norris did the funky chicken dance in the Large Hadron Collider...
minute 1:10 to minute 1:17 is best descibed for ol´Chuck.
Then that evening after solving various mysteries of the universe, he hopped into a cab which arrived when he thought about it, zoomed into Geneva centre without any traffic or red lights. of course if he had to have paid it would have only been 5chf, but CN does not need currency, he pays with presence.
Mr. Norris does not need to pay. Mr. Norris allows. Maybe.
Then that evening after solving various mysteries of the universe, he hopped into a cab which arrived when he thought about it, zoomed into Geneva centre without any traffic or red lights. of course if he had to have paid it would have only been 5chf, but CN does not need currency, he pays with presence.
Chuck then had a hearty raclette meal...then drank up half of Lac Leman.
Not because he was thristy...the waitress told him he'd die if he drank any water!
Chuck then had a hearty raclette meal...then drank up half of Lac Leman.
Not because he was thristy...the waitress told him he'd die if he drank any water!
Chuck then had a hearty raclette meal...then drank up half of Lac Leman.
Not because he was thristy...the waitress told him he'd die if he drank any water!
The local authorities sure weren't happy...this move increased their land borders with France considerably. Chuck decided to do them a favour by taking a leak & letting the water back into the lake.
That's the story behind Geneva's Jet d'eau.
As for the waitress...she was last seen perched on the hubble telescope.
The local authorities sure weren't happy...this move increased their land borders with France considerably. Chuck decided to do them a favour by taking a leak & letting the water back into the lake.
That's the story behind Geneva's Jet d'eau.
As for the waitress...she was last seen perched on the hubble telescope.
I'm going to build on Andy's reply (which I love, well played mate!).
So when CN moved to Geneva he found an apartment easily, did his laundry, and then went shopping on a Sunday. He also got great service at the restautant, found parking easily in center town, and registered his kid to the crech without any waiting list.
And he didn't even have to tip. In fact, the Swiss tip CN just for BEING in Switzerland!
And he didn't even have to tip. In fact, the Swiss tip CN just for BEING in Switzerland!
The American IRS was going through the initial alphabetical list of names (provided by UBS) of US nationals who had money on account in Switzerland. Initially the idea was to prosecute every last one of them....
They signed the tax treaty and closed the file after seeing :
"Norris, Chuck : DoB : 060545 - Place of Residence ; Los Angeles / CA.
Acct Nr : "none required"
The American IRS was going through the initial alphabetical list of names (provided by UBS) of US nationals who had money on account in Switzerland. Initially the idea was to prosecute every last one of them....
They signed the tax treaty and closed the file after seeing :
"Norris, Chuck : DoB : 060545 - Place of Residence ; Los Angeles / CA.
Acct Nr : "none required"
War in IRAK was a misleading information:
NSA sent Chuck Norris to Irak in a secret operation. At that time CIA reported the presence of WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction)
War in IRAK was a misleading information:
NSA sent Chuck Norris to Irak in a secret operation. At that time CIA reported the presence of WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction)
The American IRS was going through the initial alphabetical list of names (provided by UBS) of US nationals who had money on account in Switzerland. Initially the idea was to prosecute every last one of them....
They signed the tax treaty and closed the file after seeing :
"Norris, Chuck : DoB : 060545 - Place of Residence ; Los Angeles / CA.
Acct Nr : "none required"
Chuck Norris was not a UBS customer. In fact UBS was a Chuck Norris' Customer until they stopped their deal with Chuck... . The financial crisis started at that moment. (Leman Bro. was only a dog smoke for the media)
Chuck Norris was not a UBS customer. In fact UBS was a Chuck Norris' Customer until they stopped their deal with Chuck... . The financial crisis started at that moment. (Leman Bro. was only a dog smoke for the media)
The Chuck Norris Tower. It was the tallest erection known to man for over three decades.
http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/yogurtfinders/1/1275164181/tpod.html
The Chuck Norris Tower. It was the tallest erection known to man for over three decades.
http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/yogurtfinders/1/1275164181/tpod.html
Too long didn't read. Can you post a summary.
Chuck Norris knows what a paragraph says just by reading the first word
Rome wasn't built in a day. Chuck built it at midnight during a ten-minute layover...on his way back from Geneva.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Chuck built it at midnight during a ten-minute layover...on his way back from Geneva.
And Chuck said let there be light...
Chuck Norris invented the coffee spoon because killing with a knife was so easy!!
Chuck Norris knows what a paragraph says just by reading the first word
Chuck Norris doesn't need to read any book. He looks at the book until he obtains the information.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to read any book. He looks at the book until he obtains the information.
