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Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )

You are reading this because I didn't want to be alone in the ***** category - and furthermore it is Friday.

I want you to read and answer these but you must pay attention.

Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May....What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?


5. What word in the English Language...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.....How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?

8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?

9. If you were running a race,...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say,..."The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?





Here are the Answers

1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny of course.


2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [ You're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer:Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?


Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ..]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.


8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.


Congrats. You are positive minded too.

The text you are quoting:

You are reading this because I didn't want to be alone in the ***** category - and furthermore it is Friday.

I want you to read and answer these but you must pay attention.

Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May....What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?


5. What word in the English Language...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.....How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?

8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?

9. If you were running a race,...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say,..."The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?





Here are the Answers

1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny of course.


2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [ You're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer:Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?


Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ..]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.


8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.


Congrats. You are positive minded too.


alfi KNov 21, 2014 @ 00:12
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 1

"3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out."


I'm sorry to disapoint you, but this is possible (although you really need to focus on what you are doing).


It however is impossible to lick your own elbow. 


 


 

The text you are quoting:

"3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out."


I'm sorry to disapoint you, but this is possible (although you really need to focus on what you are doing).


It however is impossible to lick your own elbow. 


 


 


Stephanie D, Nov 21, 2014 @ 07:13
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 2

And something from the 80's and 90's that will Make.You.Pee.Your.Pants!!

The text you are quoting:

And something from the 80's and 90's that will Make.You.Pee.Your.Pants!!


Carolyn C, Nov 21, 2014 @ 10:37
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 3

Oops!

The text you are quoting:

Oops!


Carolyn C, Nov 21, 2014 @ 10:39
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 4

On fire today Carolyn... !! How about this...


ARE WE COMMUNICATING???    A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.  'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'

The text you are quoting:

On fire today Carolyn... !! How about this...


ARE WE COMMUNICATING???    A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.  'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'


Jeffery S, Nov 21, 2014 @ 15:48
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 5

"3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out."

I'm sorry to disapoint you, but this is possible (although you really need to focus on what you are doing).

It however is impossible to lick your own elbow. 

 

 


Nov 21, 14 07:13

Ahhh I think you missed the sentence under No.3... It is extremely easy to do whence the statement !!

The text you are quoting:

Ahhh I think you missed the sentence under No.3... It is extremely easy to do whence the statement !!


Jeffery S, Nov 21, 2014 @ 15:56
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 6

Why do we have to wait for Friday to get the Funnies??


I want Wednesday Funny too!!!!

The text you are quoting:

Why do we have to wait for Friday to get the Funnies??


I want Wednesday Funny too!!!!


Phoebe, Nov 26, 2014 @ 11:05
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 7

Why do we have to wait for Friday to get the Funnies??

I want Wednesday Funny too!!!!


Nov 26, 14 11:05

you asked for it, you got it...It was just posted. 


 

The text you are quoting:

you asked for it, you got it...It was just posted. 


 


Nir Ofek, Nov 26, 2014 @ 13:51
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Post 8

Just saw it. Thanks Nir Kiss

The text you are quoting:

Just saw it. Thanks Nir Kiss


Phoebe, Nov 26, 2014 @ 13:54
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 9

You are reading this because I didn't want to be alone in the ***** category - and furthermore it is Friday.

I want you to read and answer these but you must pay attention.

Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May....What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.....How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?

8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?

9. If you were running a race,...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say,..."The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?





Here are the Answers

1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [ You're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer:Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ..]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

Congrats. You are positive minded too.


Nov 21, 14 00:12

Very kind of you to post this but I’m afraid my attention span is now so senior that I dozed off half way through.


So could I put in a plea for some short & sweet one- or two-liners before my ageing grey cells give up the ghost entirely?


Ta ever so, R.


(LOL)

The text you are quoting:

Very kind of you to post this but I’m afraid my attention span is now so senior that I dozed off half way through.


So could I put in a plea for some short & sweet one- or two-liners before my ageing grey cells give up the ghost entirely?


Ta ever so, R.


(LOL)


Ritchie, Nov 26, 2014 @ 15:02
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 10

Very kind of you to post this but I’m afraid my attention span is now so senior that I dozed off half way through.

So could I put in a plea for some short & sweet one- or two-liners before my ageing grey cells give up the ghost entirely?

Ta ever so, R.

(LOL)


Nov 26, 14 15:02

i went to the doctors the other day and said "doctor, doctor! i keep breaking my arm in the same place over and over, what should I do?"


 


The doctor looked at me and said "Don't go there again"


 


Duh-dum

The text you are quoting:

i went to the doctors the other day and said "doctor, doctor! i keep breaking my arm in the same place over and over, what should I do?"


 


The doctor looked at me and said "Don't go there again"


 


Duh-dum


G___, Nov 26, 2014 @ 15:49
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Re: Friday funny for Seniors ( not only )
Post 11

Ask a silly question …


Hey presto, I got an answer -- and love it.


R.

The text you are quoting:

Ask a silly question …


Hey presto, I got an answer -- and love it.


R.


Ritchie, Nov 26, 2014 @ 16:53
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