November 24, 2010 | ISSUE 46•47

Britain To Chart Happiness

Beginning in the spring of 2011, the government of the United Kingdom will conduct regular surveys of the happiness and well-being of its citizens. Here are some of the variables that will be measured:

*Ratio of compliments received per pounds spent on shoes
*How often you check that no one's looking and say, "Tits"
*How often one sells out the Royal Albert Hall
*Stiffness vs. pliability of upper lip
*Distance in miles from Simon Cowell
*How often one has just the perfect bit of beans on toast
*Number of perfectly good pieces of string salvaged from the             rubbish bin on monthly basis
*Number of fake laughs per hour vs. number of sad laughs per hour

TranslatorNov 30, 2010 @ 03:16