Because the guy is an idiot. But if an attractive woman goes back at him even if he treats her like this, then of course he will take advantage

But she is also to blame. She needs to realise that he is not good for her. And she needs to think better of herself

Maybe read the book Women Who Love Too Much

By Robin Norwood

www.expatcounselling.com

you Need to forget  about A and B and "C" your self with somebody else!

What she is doing wrong, is not following her intuition, and leave the guy alone. He obviously only wants to use her whenever he sees fit. And she cant let go of an old situation. She wants something he doesnt want to give, and he knows she will just come back to him whenever he likes. This is usally based in a low self esteem.( on both sides)  He will ALWAYS keep on betraying her, because thats the kind of guy he is. So my best advice would be to leave him well alone, loose the attatchment to him, and let him go from your heart. Try reading the power of now by eckhard tolle, this may help you put things into perspective, and find a new lease of life. Take care

LOL

Ooops laughing at Drews comment not yours x

Forget about A and B and go "C"  your self with somebody else! :)

not sure why that posted twice buttttt I guess its that important lol

If your account of the strory is true, he is weak and she is self destructive. Her only "mistake" (quotes intended) is to say with a toxic guy and the questions she's got to ask herself is why she is doing this to herself? why does she stay in such a hopeless situation? She certainly has her ill fated reasons burried deep inside her, and that's where she's got to loook for answers. Not in him who appears to be a narcissic jerk,

A cheater complaining about getting cheated on?

This is not an uncommon story,or situation..as I've heard it many times.Where relationships are concerned,I believe more in-Do not love blindly-,than-love is blind- Scumbags tend to avoid women who are independent,strong,confident and carries herself with a high-esteem,bcos they have no chance- You will be undoubtedly happier,if u have better-control of your life n emotions,try using your head,instead of your heart,sometimes.-

High Self-Esteem i mean....

As B was A's boss, A may be able to claim that B "pressured" her into having an affair. A should sue B for sexual harassment, gain shedloads of money and achieve a happy ending!

The fact that B was A's boss does not suffice to accuse him of sexual harassment, at least in Switzerland, and Beautystone's story does not suggest that he took advantage of his hierarchical position. It was one element of their relation, yes, but apparently not a central one. And to make things clear, I do believe that sexual harassment should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, but, please, let's keep lawyers away from our private affairs and from our love mishaps.

It's hard to see, where A stands on higher moral ground than B (both being on fairly soggy ground..)

As to Translator's advice: No, we do not want to march towards a litigious country, especially not, when it involves consenting adults, as the time-span also indicates ;)

1. What is wrong? "she told him that she wants to stop to see him,after three weeks, he fired her without any notice. " = Unforgivable. If you want to be understanding, you can always try to find some reasons to some aspects of his behavior (such as cowardice, lier, egoistic, quirky..) and considers that he has his own problems that leads him to behave this way etc etc.. but this event just shows how much an asshole he is. 

2. Does she doing wrong? What does it mean "doing wrong" ? wrong for what ? wrong for who? if the point for her is to find happiness, she is definitely going in the wrong direction. If her point is to suffer and to be the toy of a narcissitic guy, I think she is doing pretty great. In her position, I would first question myself as to why I am attracted by someone that has no consideration for me. Maybe she would need to take care of herself as a top priority and try to fulfill by herself her own needs. If she succeeds, i am sure the narcissistic guy will come back like a doggie in front of her door, but too bad, she will not be interested any more.

3. Why he betray her again and again? See point 1. I would advice her to stop trying understand him and start understanding herself. As a complementary point, I would advice her to pay the guy back for all he has done. What strikes me in the story is that she does not seem mad, no anger at all.. she needs to think about this as well ? How it comes that she allows someone to harm her without feeling any anger ?

I understood in the past 1.5 years, "A "is in deep depression, she even lost the interests of life. The day when she was fired, she can never ever forget. She wanted him to pay back, but she was too kind and too much in love with him, thus hardly to do something wrong to him. She used 1.5 years to think about her life, why she had met him, why he had treat her like that, and she is struggled between revenge and forgive. She also blame herself did not listen others warning and fallen in this insane relationship. Life has to moving on, but certainly, everything is different, she lost her career, friends, fame. He becomes more successful both in business and with women. However, none of his girls will know A's story.  

Yes, only somewhat, as my response was ;)

@Translator : Human beings should have sexual relationships with whoever they wish, boss, employee, colleagues (OK, not necessarily all at the same time), as long as they take place between freely consentig adults, which, of course, excludes sexual harassment and any kind power games. I am an grown-up and I do not expect society, my company or morale to tell me with whom I should go, or not for that matter.

I agree a trial may not be the answer but...

what I like in Translator's advice is that a woman with that kind of spirit is willing to defend herself and not play the victim.

A should start thinking that she deserves better and realizing what she really wants (apparently not this continuous sufferance)... then start moving on and stop answering his calls!

Good luck to her

@ Free: Yes but in beautystone's original story, it looks like he fired her on the motive that she ended their relationship... if that's true than Mr. B has been using his power in an outrageous way...

Yet, to be realistic, it is very unlikely that A's version of the story can be proven...

Hence A should forget the pay back and start living her life... stop focusing on revenge will help A move on

A may not forgive and forget entirely but start enjoying the beauties of life 'cause the clock is ticking for everyone... and whether A decides to be happy at last or to live miserable ever after is her choice but it all has an end at some point anyway...

The workplace, however, is governed by laws, as are other parts of society. As "power games" are frequently an unavoidable factor in work relationships, sexual relationships between boss/supervisor and employee will almost always include some sort of 'power' component.  

I repeat, if A was not fired for cause, she probably has a case. Whether or not she can prove it is another matter entirely.

Human beings are free to have whatever sexual relationships they wish. They should not, however, act as if there are not consequences to their actions. That is not adult behavior.

did this woman actually mature after 10 years old? men want sex and will lie beg cheat and kill for it

What is not "adult behaviour" is to sue, when you are getting burnt in a relationship, and especially when you had time to disengage from the relationship, or find another workplace, or - behold the boldness of this statement: not fool around with your boss, again especially, when said boss is already married/taken. Consequences are then to be expected.

The fear of lawsuits makes for boring workplaces.

I could not agree more!

this story sounds very much like the "sickness" called co-dependency. it is  soul destroying and leads to progressive states of depression. it is an illness and should be treated by professional help. the problem is often related to issues from childhood. this situation whch is ongoing will not be resolved by this forum.

I don't usually post on this forum but I would like to do so for this really interesting thread. In any relationship, whether legitimate, wise, advisable or not, we always run into the same and very powerful key issues which are the basic instincts of intrinsic human needs and survival. On the surface, we can shrug it off with a laugh, but deep down inside the stakes are high. Once we got on board, it can be either safety, or kill or be killed, and it is very easy to get crushed in the process by the other partner's grim self-defense. Choosing a reliable partner would therefore be purely a matter of survival.

"Free" and a couple of others are missing a crucial point .YES we are adults,YES we have to deal with consequences,YES we can have relationships with whomever we wish etc etc  BUT.....

If ANYONE is sacked because of something that is nothing to do with their work,then that is just not acceptable.This is a basic principle that all working people should surely wish to defend?

PS.I would apply the above also to love-cheat politicians who are forced to resign when they get found out

And being in a workplace where employees rights are protected is not "boring" - I don't get excited by the fear I might lose my job unfairly

the legal system regarding employee's rights and protection is a bit archaic. unions for all intents and purposes don't essentially  exist. it is very difficult for an employee to prove any kind of harassment. in my line of work i have heard some pretty shocking stories of how employees have been jerked around by the "system". the american system may carry things too extremes regarding employee rights, but, it keeps employers "more honest".

It's about striking a balance.

I agree that the firing without notice, etc. seems a little odd.. In this case, however, I don't see either A nor B exercising common sense, i.e., one of them changing departments or company, or maybe not fraternising to the level in the story.

Buzzcocks, I agree with you If ANYONE is sacked because of something that is nothing to do with their work,then that is just not acceptable. But only if... I do not like the idea that it is enough for someone to self proclaim him/herself victim for there to be a prosecutor and for that prosecutor to be guilty. I do not like either the idea that when anything happens to you, there must be someone, somewhere, responsible for your ill fate. Shit happens, as does bad luck, poor judgment or mistakes and we often can only blame ourselves.

I also agree with you employees rights at the workplace have to be protected, but let's be reasonable. I cannot follow Translator when she says somewhat tongue in cheek that bosses should not have sexual relationships with subordinates.

The Swiss legal system regarding employee's rights and protection may be bit archaic, as Epicure says, but unions do exist, and so does legal protection. This being said, yes,employees are reluctant to use it and are often discouraged to do so by their peers or by their hierarchy. On the other hand, the American System designed to keep employers "more honest" has definitely gone too far, and in this respect, I'm with FerneyL when he says that the fear of lawsuits makes for boring workplaces.

Yes,I get you.

However,poor judgement or mistakes in relationships should never  lead to someone being sacked.It's not a case of "shit happens" - that trivialises the whole thing.

Yes,I don't agree that people should not have relationships with subordinates,full stop.But it is a situation that is potentially problematic,so should be approached with great care.

Of course,living in fear of lawsuits is a bad thing .But feeling adequately protected is not" boring " ( show me an employee who feels "bored" because he/she cannot be fired on the whim of his/her boss)

"Of course,living in fear of lawsuits is a bad thing .But feeling adequately protected is not" boring " ( show me an employee who feels "bored" because he/she cannot be fired on the whim of his/her boss)" (buzz)

I'm simply saying that proposing a lawsuit on the basis of "sexual harrassment" ("pressure") in this case, does nothing in the way of justice - maybe she could have been given 2-3 months salary in order to find a new job - or not, but the long-term (high-risk) romance/affair seems voluntary from both sides.

For the record, I'm in favour of a regulated workforce, but it has to be sensible, respectful of the fact that workplace romance is extremely common, and incorporate common sense (and what that is, we can discuss again).

Buzzcock, glad to see that we agree :-)

Feel surprised seemed none of the reply to this thread blames "B.”

At the time B fired A, is about he wanted to go for another woman in the office, so she obviously became an obstacle of him. The story is about a man how to betray a friendship, a relationship for his own benefits. Seemed western culture is different as Eastern culture, in western culture I can't find the words of" Moral".

Actually I think everyone on this thread is quite sympathetic to the story between A and B, and all agree that many of B's actions (as told here) are rather questionable or immoral. I think especially everyone has more or less agreed that to fire someone based on a personal relationship is plain wrong.

But if this is a deeper question about who's to 'blame' for such a relationship i think ppl on this forum are right not to take sides and hand out judgement. As we say in english, it takes two to tango. Speaking personally, I have been in a co-dependent relationship that I found was very abusive and unfair. And I could rant about it for hours... about how awful I was treated and all that... (and believe me I understand the desire and the need to do that)... but at the end of the day i have to accept that i was equally responsibile in allowing what took place to happen. I kept going back, trusting, forgiving and believing things would change despite an alarmingly consistent (and abusive) behaviour from her side. I was thinking, isn't it a good thing to try to forgive no matter what? Well, the answer is complex, but to really forgive, we need also to be able to set good limits, and this is the key I was missing. THe truth I see clearly now is that I was as much enabling myself to be treated badly and not respecting myself by accepting that behaviour again and again. In the end it was only this realization that got me finally out of the cycle.

I think as many would agree, you cannot change other people but only yourself. So if someone behaves consistently badly towards us, then it is up to us to change and move on. That sounds easy, but holy cow I know that it wasn't for me. Love is truly blind after all, but it doesn't have to be if you respect and love yourself first. Indeed Kristine, good one! "Do not love blindly!"

;-) And after all, as keith p puts it, if there are people out there who will "lie beg cheat and kill" for things, sex included... then we better be damn ready to set good limits and take care of ourselves!! Cause even though I can ultimately 'forgive' a man for behaving like a savage ape, I'm not going to just accept that he does. So keith, take the word 'men' out of your statements cause you don't speak for all of us! Believe it or not, some of us have evolved a bit over the centuries and the word 'moral' certainly exists in english as it does in all human languages I am sure. ;-)

Best of luck to A (and B) in any case towards finding peace and happiness. I know it ain't easy.

There is absolutely no reason why she should have to find a new job simply because she became an "inconvenient" woman, if that was indeed the case.

I was being tongue-in-cheek about "sexual harassment" suit but completely serious about "unfair dismissal" suit.  

In my estimation, any boss who has a sexual relationship with an employee is seriously unprofessional as well as unethical.  

In addition, it is also a great myth that sexual harassment suits are out of control in the United States. This is a misperception about how many cases receive serious consideration, much less how few women receive adequate compensation for harassment.

"In my estimation, any boss who has a sexual relationship with an employee is seriously unprofessional as well as unethical."

Nonetheless, this happens, because we spend our time at work. It doesn't have to be unprofessional, unethical, or the key to some sort of compensation. It's just wise to take the risk out the equation by having one of them change jobs, as I said earlier. Note, that I suggested the possibility of a notice period with salary.

Also, what is adequate or disproportionate? What is harassment? What is inconvenient? Is it always the male, who is the "aggressor"? (rhetorical questions, which can be sent to another thread)

Harassment is clearly defined in the legal code. No, it is not always the male who is the agressor and I did not suggest this.

Yes, you suggested the possibility of a notice period with salary. Not for the boss, though. 

Sexual relationships do not just happen "because we spend our time at work." They happen because people want them to occur and put their sexual needs before the workplace mission and their livelihood. 

I need to unsubscribe to this thread i cant take the fucken emails anymore. 

Well, in the context, we were talking about the employee, but, to be clear, it might as well be the boss, who moved.

Work romances happen, regardless of workplace, and, on a human level, should be allowed to happen, as well as crash, with minimal legal interference.

Hum, just face and accept that some guys cannot have respect for you. So it means that you must change towards yourself only: show respect to yourself by having no more interaction with such guys.

Only think about yourself. You deserve much better than this stupid guy. Take care of yourself, feel the pain and let it go. Allow yourself for a better life !!!!

We all blame “B” on this thread:
 - Maria believes the guy is an idiot.
 - Drew sugeste that A need to (…) "C" (herself) with somebody else!
 - Translator would sue B for sexual harassment
 - Karl sees that he obviously only wants to use her whenever he sees fit.
 - I qualified his as a narcissic jerk,
 - Myriam used cowardice, liar, egoistic, quirky..
 - And David summarized if perfectly saying everyone on this thread is quite sympathetic to the story between A and B, and all agree that many of B's actions (as told here) are rather questionable or immoral

 But there is nothing she can do to change him or to change what happened. B will not get her out of depression nor will he soothe her pain. If she wants to get over this disaster and rebuild herself, she’s got to find resources in her, with the help of friends and possibly of a good therapist. She will not be able to answer any question pertaining to B and his behavior, and if she ever does, it won’t help her a bit. What she’s got to find out is why she let someone treat her so badly so as avoid falling in such destructive traps in the future. Having being blind is nothing to be blamed for, but understand why this happen will definitely help her to recover.

Well said,but then again,"Epicure" kind of said all this earlier, as did someone right at the beginning who referred "A" to a classic book on this subject .

Totally agree. As it's already been stated, it takes two to tango and taking one's responsibility is the key.

No, I would sue for unfair dismissal.  Other than that, I would recommend that A get a good shrink and try to move on.

To be fair, I put the blame, if some is to be handed out, equally on A and B.