Felipe.... treat and expect from others as you treat and expect from yourself. How would you feel if a gorgeous babe who you thought was perfect for you, dumped you because you have had more than 5 previous partners?

If you are a "male tart" with a wild history there is no way on gods good earth you can blame or redicule a girl who has had a equal or lesser sexual past than you.

If she has a greater sexual past, maybe you can learn from her ;-)))

Digging up history is both pointless and immaterial to how you should feel for the girl today......

Either marry a virgin.... or deal with it, or don't bloody well ask in the first place, cos you'll never be satisfied with the answer.

Thats the best advice I can give you.... in my humble opinion.

Felipe,

Most people would call you a "Macho" since you do not accept something about your partner that you yourself have done.

However a lot of people have problems...they live in their past and never move on.

I think your reaction is not normal. We all have our past stories..good, bad and ugly. But we have to move on..

Point is to live in the present and move on.

If your partner is serious about you, why should her past matter?

so my unsolicited advise is not to dig her past, live the present and plan the future..

my 2 cents...

Hope this helps..

Cheers, Ehsaan

The answer you get is why I never ask. Some might think you have no right to ask. I do think you have the right to ask. She on the other hand has the right to refuse to answer and be upset by the question as it is none of your business.

Besides you will never get an honest answer, which will probably be somewhere around `5`. People think that anything around that number is socially acceptable.

If you do get an honest question it`s:

- 1 or less for obvious reasons that dont require the question to be brought up in the 1st place.

- Above 10, because A she wants to provoke you, or B because she isn`t the brightest of the bunch or occupational hazzard.

Turning to Islam and moving to an Arab country could be your recipe for succes..

The reality... where does your questioning stop?  Was he (were they) better/bigger/hotter than me? Is a BJ Sex? (not according to Bill Clinton). Was your orgasm better/bigger/longer with me than with him/them? Have you ever taken it up the back door? the list is endless...and NEVER will you get the true answer you want to hear...

Ask no questions and tell no lies....

Deep inside me I know all your good points, but according to my Mediterranean catholic education with French-Italian parents, it is just very hard to accept them.

You might be all right that I should not care about the past, but in some cases I can’t. For example it can sounds macho or even stupid but I cannot be with a girl who had something with several friends of mine.

@Thomas: I was in Bayreuth, Marrakesh and Istanbul, believe me it is funnier than Geneva ;-)

News at 11: "Besides you will never get an honest answer, which will probably be somewhere around `5`. People [in country X] think that anything around that number is socially acceptable [for gender A in for age Y in the year Z] ."

This number varies from 0 to 30, pers. comm. :p

As a catholic myself I can tell you that in my experience catholic girls are the naughtiest....

Agree that if a girl has "liaised" with "several friends"...then thats a no no... always pick new fruit from outside of the circle of trust.

Some people however will say..... "sharing is caring"...

:-)))

Watch out for those killer nuns, Felipe!

You English are such sexual beasts we know, but too often under influence of some fluid that no one can recall if it actually happend. Your figures aint facts!!

Maybe I should go there instead!!

I take back what I said ;)

“How would you feel if a gorgeous babe who you thought was perfect for you, dumped you because you have had more than 5 previous partners?”

Well it is never happened and I don’t think it will happen, cos unfortunately in our society a guy who had a lot of success with girls, it is ok, however a girl who had a long past is not ok…

“Agree that if a girl has "liaised" with "several friends"...then thats a no no...”

You should not care about the past, with her greater sexual past, maybe you can learn from her ;-)

key word Filipe is "friends"........ if Im gonna be compared to anyone (and they always compare) , i would prefer it not being vrs my best buddies.

;-))

It doesnt matter what she did before you came in the picture. She is with you because she wants to and that should be enough. If when she is with you she is not sleeping around then it doesnt matter what her past is.

You say in your post above "I cannot be with a girl who had something with several friends of mine." Ok fair enough. But if she had something with a lot of friends of yours, then i assume that you know already so if you still get with her and then be surprised then you only have yourself to blame.

And no matter how many men she is been with, you shouldnt care. Were you an angel before you met her? Doubt it :)

Do I think your reaction is normal. Of course it is ... when you're 14 years old!

Seriously, Felipe.... I think one should only be concerned that one's partner is emotionally and physically healthy and does not engage in risky sexual behavior.  The rest, as they say, is history....

Felipe,

allow me an honest and maybe somewhat harsh answer. I apologise in advance if I upset you.

Her life, past, present and future, belongs to her and not you. You have no rights whatsoever on her, her past and her  previous relations. Take her as a person who is with you here and now and not as an object you own and whose history is yours. What she did before you does not matter. What matter is what she does now, how she feels and how you two get along.

Feeling sick, or empty, or something, especially when you need more than 2 hands to counts say nothing about her, but it say a lot about you and you feel insecure because her behavior. You have a problem, not her.Question yourself, not her past.

What's the threat if she had many partners?
- That she leaves you because she is an easy girl? That's a judgment! Why don't you trust her, or why don't you trust yourself, your feeling and your instinct. They are rarely wrong if, and only if, you know to listen to them and to yourself.
- That she compares you with other guys and finds that you do not perform as well as they did? Ask her to teach you. If there is love, openness and willingness to learn in a relationship, such obstacles can be overcome.

Experience is a enrichment, not an impoverishment as you seem to see it. Be happy with what she has learned : she'll make less mistakes with you.

You have a serious challenge on your hands. Are your feelings immature, maybe. But then we are all human and no matter how old we get at one point or another we are going to have "childish feelings" its human nature. Just remember at the end of the day that its not the quantity of sex you're having but the quality that makes all the difference.
The past can't be changed, it's down to you to find peace with it or walk away. it's hard to say you may find peace if you keep finding it.

Mr. Marciano, past is past, so don't bother much, just try to keep your eyes open.

From what I know (I didn't surpass second hand yet))) instead of the number of the partners, you'd better watch out for type her relations with them, 'cause that kind of past can really damage your relations and yourself by evoking behavioristic reflexes and wrong decisions (and that is ****ing painful). So stop whining - tears only distort the vision )))

BTW, don't hide behind catholic excuses, you may just simply fear that she will break up with you, as soon as she understands that her previous partners were better :-p

I don’t have any insecure feelings, I am very confident about myself, even too much according to some people.

I just want to need to feel special; I think it is very common to any humans being. I like being to feel special when people treat me differently than they treat others. When I am singled out for special treatment, given special privileges, receive special attention from someone.

According to my personal criteria to feel special, the past of my partner or my potential wife is important. It can sound silly, immature or even macho, but relationship is not only based on romance, it is also based on marketing.

If you think about it we all want to know that we matter to others, we all want to be seen.  We all strive to achieve some special status or being marketing in the eyes of others (especially family and closed friends) and how we are viewed by others matters to us. We all have some personal silly criterias, as the social status, the good financial perspective of the partner, the physical appearance, the education, the religion, the age and even for some stupid people the nationality. All these criteria are mostly based on what’s matter to others and not what your heart tells you, so why should the partner past not matter?

In addition I really try to do not evaluate the relationship on the basis of a single disappointment, but I have the chance to be picky, so why should I not take it?

"Well it is never happened and I don’t think it will happen, cos unfortunately in our society a guy who had a lot of success with girls, it is ok, however a girl who had a long past is not ok…"

I'm gonna jump in here too and have a rant... don't mean to offend anyone but this statement above is total BS. Believe me there are loads of girls out there with a lot of "success", and i totally DISAGREE that it's somehow 'ok' for a guy to be a slut, and 'not ok' for a girl to be a stud. This is classic machoismo thinking and totally outdated and frankly offensive. What happened to the feminist revolution? I see that it hasn't really had an effect in France, Switzerland, and most Medi EU countries. Geeze, folks, can't we move on?

But i agree that this is the normal reply in our society today, I just think it's totally wrong and it makes me crazy. And it's only gonna change when we start making noise.  

Suppressing women's sexuality while glorifying men's is just ridiculous. Sadly it's been the goal of religion for ages. In my opinion, it's just the relic of the whims of impotent and insecure men who feared the power that women have who are in touch with their sexuality (shall we burn some witches while we're at it?) And for all our progress today, this mentality is leading to a lot of unhappiness (in men and women) that i've witnessed first hand and that I observe at almost every turn in my daily life. How many guys want to keep their innocent and loyal (but not sexually satisfying) girl at home, and then end up cheating with a hot and horny girl at some point. Are they really happy? And isn't it curious how they would freak out and have a breakdown when they find out their loyal girl at home has done the same because she felt she was not desired! I've seen this countless times...

Bravo the Canadian couple who will not even tell the sex of their baby... (and amazing all the hate mail they have received).. cause it all starts there.  http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?entry_id=89656

Anyways, i'm not without compassion. It's NOT easy to break from education and am very thankful to have grown up in Canada and not Italy or France for this reason. But still, I can understand your feelings Felipe cause I've felt that way before too.  But if you rationalize it, and think it through, considering people as just people, you will get over it... and you will be happier.

Felipe, you have every right to evaluate the relationship the way you want. But what a shame to miss something based on her past experience? I mean come on... if she has experience in bed it's only gonna be good for you! ;-)

Plus, there is no incompatibility between feeling special and this. Consider it this way... if she's been with so many guys and she still likes being with you... THEN YOU ARE SUPER SPECIAL MAN!!!

Inexperienced women can also back fire on you....

A) lets say you two have a great session of horizintal jogging, but because of her apparent inexperience (which you like) you teach her a few things, she goes "wow".... "oh my god"...and it awakens a catholic fire inside her for more? What if you cant handle more? what if she is now so horny that she goes in search of more or different experiences? Your heart breaks...

B) lets say you have a great session of horizontal jogging... but because of her apparent inexperience (which you like) she falls totally and utterly head over heals in Love and Lust with her "Jedi Master".... however, you eventually  grow bored of the young student, coz "shes not quite right"..... Her heart breaks....

OR----------------------

C) You as Jedi Master Swordsman of the Universe find a completely compatable girl, who can match your every move, who can satisfy your every sexual desire, who can excite and please you when youre feeling low, who can suprise you...someone who will meet your return home from work by being naked on the dining room table covered in sushi, someone who will lie in front of a roaraing fire ina chalet,  naked apart from a fur coat, holding two glasses of champagne and who will say "come get it Tiger"... some one, oh God I'm rambling now and somewhat distracted...where was I?

Anyway Im sure you get my drift... The experience and willingness of (C) doesn't come without history.... me? I'd choose (C) over the rest.... any day of the week...

On a different subject altogether (~ sic) When riding a horse, and its a very enjoyable ride, one always forgets to thank the cowboy (in absentia) who first broke the horse in, and enabled you to ride that horse without recieving multiple broken bones... 

Live the moment Filipe it's all you have and then you will live it fully with whomever you choose to be with.  In that way you will give the most of yourself and in turn receive the most back from the other person and will sow what you reap.  Focus too much on all the projections past and future as you seem to be doing you may miss what is relevant here and now.  You have your own unique qualities and so does the other person and if together you manage to blend those successfully and intelligently then that becomes unique regardless of what has come before...as that is gone.  Re write history my friend, we all have that opportunity, but for that you must be in the present moment and cultivate it well.   Relationships are built through openness, trust, dialogue, friction, intimacy, they don't just happen because some girl liked your low cut T-shirt or well formed pictorials or because you like her physical attributes.  Admittedly those initial factors are what initially attract two people giving them a chance to know each other, but that's where the opportunity starts and how progresses is determined by the wisdom and intentions of both parties.  Don't sweat the small stuff see what ever big picture matters to you and focus on that.  As for what others may think and all that bla bla, that would suggest that you shape yourself from the outside in as opposed to the inside out.  Determine what matters to you in your own heart and soul find your identity and others will accept you for what you are if they truely care, and if they don't they perhaps did not have their place in your life - you cannot please everyone.  However let others shape you and you will vacillate like a read in the wind and will constantly be asking yourself questions.   Carpe diem!   (A number of people made some very good observations which I thanked you should review those, if something is worth noting it’s worth noting more than once and reminding ourselves of it each day as we can). 

Felipe so sad !! Give me a break ..

Unfortunately in our society as you said “it's somehow 'ok' for a guy to be a slut, and 'not ok' for a girl to be a slut“, it is indeed sad but life is unfair.

To chose their futures partner girls give more preference to the social status, to the good financial perspectives and the good life which goes with it. However guys give more preference to the physical appearance and the age (usually they prefer younger partner).

I can add also, usually guys always pay for a date (personally I don’t complain about it) lol, some people are ugly and some are good looking, life is unfair and we have to live with it.

'some people are ugly and some are good looking, life is unfair and we have to live with it.' ???

I think I speak on behalf everyone here when I say, "What are you gibbering on about this time?!"

It was just an example which shows how Life can be unfair.

From the minute we were born, we begin to learn that life is unfair.
Some babies are born into a wealthy family. Some babies do not have loving parents. Some babies are considered nuisances. Some babies are born to suffer.

We all know that life is unfair, but I have the impression most of people want perfect justice. Life does not have a fairytale end. We want to see good people get rich and live forever happy. We want to see bad people become poor, and unhappy for the rest of their lives.

It is just impossible, because life is unfair.

I don’t say we should see life negatively, however once we take positive steps, we can learn how to live with it.

So yes some people are ugly and some are good looking and unfortunately in our society guys have more privileges than womens and vice versa

"So yes some people are ugly and some are good looking and unfortunately in our society guys have more privileges than womens and vice versa "

Sure that's true... we do have to accept that things are unfair... but that's not all we have to do... we have to try and change things if we can! All this discussion just reminds me that we have SOOOO much progress to make. So that's basically why I'm ranting... ok don't know if it will do anything, but I can try!

WOMAN POWER!!!!!!!!!!!! Waaahhoooooo... EQUALITY yippie!!!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just look around you!  What is ugly what is beautiful - come now?

Don't try and change things they intrinsically won't how they change is by us changing ourselves.  When we change our outlook on others and actions will give room for things and people to change around us.  I see you like altitude given your photo, but what do you think to the quote that it's one's attitude that determines one altitude as opposed to a good pair of climbing shoes. 

Forget the "we" and "progress" I think this forum quite revealing and progressive.   Progress is a constant like change so that's something we have to live with and be comfortable with i.e. accepting because nothing is perfect never will be but again that's a matter of perception, so best to deal with it.   As for equality that's an aberration.  Inequality is what makes the human race thrive in all its richness, anything less could quickly become boring, colourless and even counterproductive.  At a more constructive level  I agree there could indeed be some fine tuning, to which end you may "try" to provide some guidance as opposed to simply ranting.     

Felipe, excuse my impertinence, but why do I get the feeling that all the valuable advice given to you on this forum is falling on deaf ears?

I'm going to try and be constructive here because having had certain intrigue reread your first post by its simplicity and the mere fact that you were very bold enough to expose yourself as such by starting this thread. 

I think it's normal to ask about your girlfriends past as the closer you get to someone the more you wish to get to know them and that's a component.  However, that past may not be representative of what they are today even if it has defined them so you should take it as positive and interesting as opposed to see it negatively.  Only you can manage your reaction to what you here, and if you struggle just be a bit more detached, don't be so emotional and don’t judge.  Look at what's interesting in those past the experiences, there's always something to learn through another persons’ experiences and if you let your emotions intercede you won’t let your brain pick up on the interesting things that could even be a source of instruction for you.   Again detach yourself from the notion of "sexual partner" get the vision out of your mind (that's so convenient to do) look for the interesting information, again don't be jealous about something past, even present or future, as all that is counterproductive and taken further destructive.  I'd actually be interested in why she had one night stands and what she felt, etc.  And if she is that way inclined why she should suddenly interested in having something more durable with you, or are you the two night stand kinda guy?  And if so you’re one up on the other dudes…congratulations (no malice intended).

If you feel sick I recommend drinking a little less beer on an "empty" stomach, or take some tablets (no not ecstasy please).   What you can get ecstatic about is that if you can count her partners on more than two hands then there's a fighting chance that she's good in the "sack" and as someone else pointed out more likely to know what she likes in a guy.  Or is it perhaps that you find this threatening because now you feel you have to live up to some expectation in order to outperform all those who came before you?  If that's what you focus on then you're right in some ways.  But frankly forget all that total recall mumbo jumbo, ask yourself why you like the “person”, what is it about here that works for you, because I don’t really see that anywhere.  

So in sum is your reaction in normal because that's the ultimate question you posed.  Clearly it’s normal for you because you asked it and even went to lengths to make it public.  However, I sense some greater objectivity in you because the simple act of asking for the views of others would suggest you’re not sure or you wish to reassess.   Well reassess my friend, take some time for yourself, meditate a bit even, and see what makes you really tick.  Once you understand a bit more about yourself you may understand a bit more about what makes this girl tick for you.  If you cannot let go of those demons (for want of a better word) then let her go or try to grow.  No pain no gain not experiences no insight!   Let others inspire you but define your own path and walk it with conviction.   Good luck and if you start feeling that tingling sensation of wanting to grow then join my group “The Art of Living Well” which will give you the chance to meet some interesting people with perhaps further insight for you to ponder.      

I’m sorry - is it just me or did anyone else think when they first saw this I thought a 14 year old boy with a tiny cock had hacked into his profile and posted this question? This adolescent angst type question was unbelievable coming from a grown man!

 What I don’t get is that from his previous posts we know Filipe is an intelligent guy who has contributed so very good points on a number of forums yet we have ‘Unless my girlfriend is virtually a virgin, I don’t want to know.’ Then this becomes, ‘I can take my pick, some people are good looking, some are ugly, life is unfair’ to ‘men prefer hot young women and women prefer financial security.’  We know that!

Filipe, I’m sorry mate, but you’re veering on and off the track like a monkey in a race car with Alzheimer’s!

When girls will stop to give importance to the social status, to the good financial perspectives (basically money) and the good life which goes with it. I may probably consider all the valuable advices, I am joking .

Indeed I received many valuable advices and I can say my original point of view has changed.

As Ehsaan said I should not dig her past, live the present and plan the future.

The only thing which bothered me with all the valuables advices is in a way we promote indirectly the liberty of sex with no limits.

I was not an Angel before, I had also my past. According to the rules our society, I was thinking to do the right things, but after reflexion I think it was not so good.

You're funny Rich.  I don't know the guy personally, at least in your humour you've given him back some dignity.  Why don't we just say he must have been on a rich cocktail of booze and something else (on an empty stomach) when he got onto his computer late at night after his serial philandering girlfriend was getting up close and personal with one of his friends and he was later made to watch the events that followed - and to which he fully conscented.  It all seemed like a good idea at the time (anything does when in nirvana land) and then once he’d sobered up he was left with more than just a hangover but a real head trip…"and you said you were a virgin, gee girl that's not what I saw last night"? 

Perhaps his best friend was the virgin and he'd forgotten he'd given his lady friend concent to deflower his buddy.  What a tangled web of intrigue, but as least some of us are having fun with it.   

I didn't mean to have a go. Honestly.

It's just this was diametrically different from other posts and threads Filipe has written, so I was only half joking when I wrote maybe it had been hacked. He is a smart guy and has come up with some brilliant points and threads. It's just this was such a bizarre question for an adult to post, it threw me.

nahh matey... get your leg over as many times as you can before you're married...  a man needs "healthy reflection of experiences past" in his life, and not regret.

;-))

p.s. Glad we all managed to help you a little, despite the ill placed humour, and odd snarky remark.... eventually we managed as a Glocals community to straighten the mind of a fellow member...

Happy hunting from now on Tiger ;-))))

There's no such thing as "all" and then there's the girl's you choose to meet.  Don't you seem to give importance to the way you look but is that representative of all men?   Do other things go to other social places and you may meet some girls who could be interested in you and even your mind (once it's a bit clearer).

I don't recall anyone promoting "indirectly" the liberty of sex with no limits.  Are you projecting again?  

Because are you an Angel now and which society are we talking about, and what rule book with its pearls of wisdom are you referring to.  If you had read any such book, I we'd all be the poorer for it as we'd not have had this delectable thread to continue to weaving.   Doing the right thing is not doing simplistically what society expects or does not expect of you.  And if you are so concerned about society then be more informed about it.  Personally, I’d start you off by saying that doing the right thing is having a clear set of personal values and being congruent with those i.e. stick to them come thick or thin.   And if you’re of a fragile nature, then don’t drink so much for as we all know that can quickly impair our senses and actions.    

If you wish us all to take you more seriously and so consequently take yourself more seriously (and that does not stop you having fun) may I suggest you change your photo that form a sociological perspective would lead me to think you’re a womanizing play boy who likes to get his beer goggles on and drag home whoever he can at the end of the night.  Again, this is just my view the more we cultivate the exterior the more we are likely to neglect the interior.  And frankly if I were a chick, sure I’d go for a one nighter with you but don’t expect me to play chess with you the next day or get into discussions on existentialism as by then you’d have served your purpose.  We all stereo type unfortunately at least initially, and you seem to fall in that category and so you attract people who are looking for that stereo type.  If you don’t like what you attract then change the way you look and act, and see what comes of it.     

Hey Maurice,

I think you're getting just a little too caught up in the details here buddy. Maybe I'm wrong but I kinda feel like you're taking what i say in the way you'd like to interpret it and kinda reading in a lot more than was intended and then challenging me to think about it. Maybe you're projecting the advice you need to take for yourself here? Just a thought. Is my 'pullin in down' stance and hiking boots somehow connected to my attitude towards altitude in the spiritual sense? Hmm... never crossed my mind. You can think what you like, but i just thought it was more fun than standing there smiling and the boots just offer ankle support over rough terrain, nothing more. ;-) And when i say 'we' have progress to make i'm not referring to ppl in this forum, but to the human race in general, and if you don't agree with 'trying' for change then why do you host a group called 'the art of living well' if it's not to have a beneficial impact on others? I agree that change comes from within, but do we not also need to express the need for that change or express our desire to have that change? What about sharing the positive feelings of having made positive change within ourselves? Could that be interpreted as trying to change people? Oh geeze, now i've made a loop and confused myself... oh yeah, and i like ranting that's why i do it. Hee hee... and I see that you do too! ;-)

Rich let’s say I was bored at work and I wanted to debate on a provocative topic. Unfortunately instead of debating with guys, I was expecting to debate with some crazy feminists.

You should not take this post seriously, pretending to be stupid "playing dumb", it is just a tactic to convince others I am complete oafs and therefore harmless. Once they underestimated me I can start to have fun by debating with them.

It is my excuse

Felipe, you are trying to turn your relationship into  a business deal (when you said that relationship is also marketing). :)

I just think that you think TOO much. If you really like the girl, enjoy the present with her and time will tell whether you suit together and will make your future together. You understand that you have no control over her past - we all are human beings and make our decisions all the time and are responsible for them. Mistakes make us stronger and thanks to our past decisions we are now the way we are. And if you like that girl in present moment, that only means that her history makes you to like her :)

Cheers!

To be honest your question about the number ...I can not really relate to as I dont recall any of my partners (and i will not say how many, ha, ha!) asking me such question... (how lucky i was ;)) .. but (!) I asked them indirectly... however not about the number, but rather what kind of relationships they had..  Sometimes i was a bit distressed hearing the answer ... and here is my simple advise from own experience: dont ask if you are unable to deal with an unexpected unswer.

Cheers!

:)

only have to say take it easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

change the title of the thread to  'how to do i get over myself' and your problems should be solved. 

you current lady-friend has done nothing wrong. if you think so then simply go back to the pre-60's era and you'll be among equals. if you are happy to play the field now but resent anyone of the opposite sex doing the same then i'm afraid its just hypocrasy. hiding behind being raised by french/italian doesn't really cut it for me (i'm half french too). but yeah, lets see what the ladies have to say as its been more of a sausage fest in terms of answers so far

OMG, what a history

For me the simple answer is not about how many partners someone has BEFORE they are with you, but how many partners they have WHEN they are with you (no need to think too much here, the answer is ZERO...)

Felipe, I hope for you that your girlfriend doesn’t use Glocals and or can't read English as I am unsure she would really approve of this conversation whereby her boyfriend publically questions what he refers to as her "promiscuity" with the general Glocals crowd.

Imagine the next time you go out with her and meet someone from Glocals who has been reading these posts.  Although, they may not care about how many guys she has slept with, you have told everyone its over 10.  It’s her private life and I think its "Unfair" for you to be airing it in public. 

I poked you for being imprecise, and therefore offered my own numbers without source ;)

If men weren't so bad at relationships, we women wouldn't be having so many sexual partners.

Oh for goodness sake!! What century are people living in? If I'm with a guy it's because I LIKE him as a person, because he brings something special to my life. I don't care about his past, that belongs to him and as for 'his financial perspectives', seriously???  I'd like to feel that my choice of partner would be based on something a little deeper than money or looks!! And I do agree that yes, life is unfair but can't we try to make it as fair as we can, being (hopefully) evolved and educated adults?  My past also belongs to me and a guy better respect me whatever that happens to be!!  Yes, sometimes when you're mad about someone, it can be difficult to learn of their past relationships or affairs but that's to do with you and your own insecurities.  Why all the calculations? What happened romance? What happened equality?  And I'm a catholic convent girl!!  And Charlie, stop fantasing out loud and online lol.

I will be a bit contraversial here...

Her past IS important...if she has torn through dozens of men then its unlikely barring a personality transplant that she has changed

people ALWAYS are interested in history as it is the only way of judging if the person is worthy to continue seeing

so guys if you want a chaste, pure virgin (yes a complete fantasy as most women have had MORE sexual partners than men) then find them

if you want someone with a lot of experience find them too

I would probably draw the line if their past history was in the triple figures and involved animals

Last time I checked a relationship involves two people not one, unless you're speaking of something even more convoluted.  Take responsibility for your side of things!  Again as per my previous posts, we cannot change others only ourselves and with time that may change others if they wish to evolve with you.  I think Felipe's gotten the message by now let's try to dwel on what interesting contributions have been made in this forum so that we might use it bring perhaps recalibrate some of our perspectives.  I'm sure we all do a bit of what he does from time to time when we're not sufficiently awares, some of us more subtle.  Good luck Felipe and thanks for being such a sport and sharing. 

women have more sexual partners simply because men are horny dogs and women know they can get sex easier than buying  a carton of milk - its a cliche but a relationship takes 2 to make work...maybe somen women are just interested in experiencing lots of sex with different men...but carry on blaming men it makes you look clever

"The only thing which bothered me with all the valuables advices is in a way we promote indirectly the liberty of sex with no limits."

Thank goodness we at least have THAT left.

@MauriceH: if you are trying to teach me that it takes two to tang(o), may I politely decline the lesson, being somewhat informed by life about it.

men have NEVER been equal with women

seriously if you havent realised that women have vast power over men then get clued up

Leo, your post is just as cliché as mine, seeming to blame all men.

As it just happens, my rant was a very personal stance and points to something that has just occurred in my personal life. Apologies

I agree with many things you say though, women's sex partners are generally  underrated not only, as you point out, because of men being "horny dogs", but also because women's sexual drive and desires are ALSO very much underrated.

no that didnt make sense

i think there is some huge female hypocrisy at play here...

would you want to be with a man who has 'slept' with 100s of women?its a bit sad but people are looking for a  quantity of  'a few' simply because ...well going with someone who has had lots of partners poses physical (possible STD) and emotional risk (you will invariably get used)...but going with someone with zero history indicates personality and intimacy issues

women are reactive not proactive - simply the ONLY job a woman needs to do is look good - some are born with great and some not so great - for them the cosmetics industry was created

unless women would generally have sex with 6 men a day each day for their lives then I would say your claim of the female sex drive being underrated is BS. There is a huge difference in the sex drives which is why pornography exists for men but not for women...and why women are really holding the power...and your power is between your legs and you know it

what woman would openly admit to wanting to have sex with 100s of men? very very few...but for men this a common idea, and some men achieve it.Seriously if someone said I could have sex with a different woman each day for the next 10 years I would not pass up that offer...so thats 3000 plus openly admitted to...

anyways this probably makes me a sexist pig, slut or something

How can women have MORE sexual partners? Is there a mystery THIRD gender they are coupling with?  LOL Or is it just a select few alphadogs out there servicing a million women while the others are at home watching football chastely.Good boys. LOL. I'd have to say that I believe men prefer to be as active as they can be (to generalise) and that women (to generalise) prefer love to sex, or at least sex with love. It doesn't mean that's what occurs though. And I'd agree that sometimes women have power over men but surely equality is a variable that is ever changing?? Depending on the country, situation, relationship, ideology, moment..

I love this forum thread, there are some good comments.

I think there are a lot of cultural differences, country differences, and even regional differences.  For example, in USA in the mid-west non-major cities - both women and men have significantly less partners than those living in big US cities, like NYC, LA, San Francisco, etc.  There are all kinds of cultural differences between women in USA and Europe that I've noticed.  Women are much less liberated on the old continent Europe vis a vis, the USA or other anglo-saxon countries, look how many women are in positions of power in France?  In government or management...It's a very small percentage

more on topic - women's looks are more important than men, for sure.   Women are generally holding more power because sex is more risky for women than men.  Men are hard wired to have sex and reproduce as much as possible with practically no risk except maybe child support.  Women, historically speaking could die from child birth and the risk of getting pregnant is a major historical reason women are less reserved about having lots of sex, carrying a baby to term is a major investment.  The man on the other hand, can just move on to the next women and keep having more sex....zero risk, or minimal risk.  Women are biologically wired to be more discriiminating, it is a fact of nature, just take a look at animals mating and mating sequences in the wild.  You know, the animal channel we all have in Geneve.

Felipe: "When girls will stop to give importance to the social status, to the good financial perspectives (basically money) and the good life which goes with it."

Good Rider: "If men weren't so bad at relationships, we women wouldn't be having so many sexual partners."

What kind of world are you living in? Morons or what? This is so superficial... Wake up, for heaven's sake! That kind of ready made thinking reveals more about your limits than it says about men or women. In fact, what you are telling us is that YOU never managed to find (or keep) the right partner. You may therefore be well advised to ask yourself how come you meet only this kind of persons? What signals are you broadcasting about yourself, what is your non verbal behavior disclosing about you that only the wrong ones are attracted by you? Remember: The only constant in all you failures is you :-)

Guys i think the above was meant as a joke

Maria - there are no jokes here, this is a very serious topic.  ~wink wink

OK

Time to change the forum thread to something new.  It's now gunna be a series of questions....

1. Does anyone know Felipe's girlfriend?  If yes, go to question 2, if no, go to question 3.

2. Do you think she would be super angry about this post?

3. Would you be super angry if your partner was banging on (yes, thats a pun) about this topic online?

To be honest, this sounds to me a bit of a male problem (and I'm no feminist!)

If you really felt confortable with yourself Felipe, You wouldn't have to compare yourself with her past.

It's her past, so what? You won't be her first, won't be her last either, so go on and get over it. Enjoy the time spent together.

Why always need to be better than others? Isn't being different enough???

Clint,

I think Felipe has achived what he aimed for; provoked. He mentioned that few posts earlier. Althogh, I think he really is concern about that topic to a certain point. Just as well as many of us have these thoughts from time to time too... I believe. 

But OK - now serious!!

1) I dont think Fellippe has a girlfriend at all..

3) Would I be angry if my partner would made the intimate facts of my life public... hmm.. let me think... ..

no... I would not .. he would not be my partner any more..

My polite impertinence seems to have had quite an effect since you have removed me from your list of friends.  Even if our "friendship" was only virtual there's a tacict clause of respect in virtual friendships.  I would not remove someone from my list of friends just because I did not like a particular post.  And iif I really wanted to make a point because the post had made me angry, I would inform the person first.

I do not think you are a good sport as someone has said in this forum. You started a thread on something as serious as "how can we get over our partner's past", you get a lot of well thought and welll meant responses and then you go on to say you only started the thread because you were bored at work and wanted to debate with some crazy feminists???

Thank the Universe for all those feminists before me that opened the way so that women today can enjoy sex with no limits!!!!!!!!!

Nefertiti....oohhh, ... I wish there was no limits...

Nefertiti, lol; thank you too !

Everyone has a past.  You live in the present ...and you hope for the future.

Deal with it.

Yes, and I think this whole debate is so old-fashioned, I was surprised to find it on glocals-Geneva, where even prostitution is legalized, and some men are more likely to deem you a blue-stocking if you had no one or few men.

I think in first place the question itself was inadequate, posed by the man with problems (as Free also said), and, of course:

If men weren't so bad at relationships, the many sexual partners would be not necessary at all!

Alison....fantasizing??? MOI????

Online.... maybe...outloud ...nope...unless you read outloud that is ... in which case Im condemned.

Regarding the "no limits" quote... actually scrap that.... It will get me started again...

Sigh....

Well that is an amazingly interesting discussion.

I'm surprised nobody refers to the possibility of a MST test for both partners, before engaging a serious relationship or any relationship for that matter..... That would clear a lot of vital doubts.

Protect yourselves, don't forget

Barring old age and disabilities - Sex IS the relationship - you may fool yourself that its about love and caring but ultimately if you are not having good sex in a reltionship then it will end

Kind of proof that women cannot tell jokes...but thats another can of worms

Whats MST?

the last line is important - this is why the OP is asking about his girls past. Want to know the future? Look at the past

Hi everybody,

Ok,we all mostly agree in this thread that it's a double standard between men and women around the # of sexual partners.  Let's put this double standard issue aside and assume there is no double standard.

What is a "reasonable" # of sexual partners?  For both men and women? Meaning, if you dated someone who slept with 100's of women or vice versa, you're a guy who's dating someone who's slept with 100's of men.  Is that cool?  Okay or just plain gross?  Maybe some people have a mentality that they should sleep with everyone they go out with, just to do, like it's a recreation.

I am not making any judgments here, just want to liven the thread and add a new angle to the discussion.  I personally have not slept with 100's, but I know guys who have.  In the States I know some girls who have slept with a lot too, I don't think a 100 but they have a big #.

Is there any such thing as too many?  Is it sleazy if you have a big #?  Should any standard of reasonableness be applied here?

I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this.

Fear exists for good reasons.

A question could be: how to domesticate it when it becomes a handicap?

The fear of flying can be treated efficiently by describing the airplane, its performances and explaining the sensations felt during the flight. The idea is get rid of blind obsessions.

For an individual, the risk in an aircraft is well identified: he doesn’t want to die!

What about the risk with a partner with many sexual past experiences?

Here there's no fear of physical death (thanks to plastic), it looks more like fear of a social death.

Am I original when pretending that social death is often more frightening than physical death? "I'll get into the airplane not to appear as a coward".

Back to the point: my friend has had many partners. Nothing dramatic, except for pathological cases, she or he just found this way to feel her/his social value: in short: to feel being loved. Would it be for the physical pleasure only, a battery powered instrument would have done the job.

The number of partners may correspond to a strategy (I evaluate my value in quantitative terms) or may be an endured fate (I like long lasting relations, but when I sleep I am dropped the next day).

What are the risks when starting a relation with an experienced person?

Hypothesis 1: someone who has practiced a lot in order to find satisfaction knows the way! She or he may come back to it. (I’ll soon or late be a cuckold)

Hypothesis 2: a person who has slept with many others has less value (principle of supply and demand). "May I introduce my wife?" - "thanks, I’m ok, I've already slept with her!". (I’m a loser collecting what others have left.

What are the benefits when starting a relation with an experienced person?:

I have tamed a wild animal! (I’m great)

In term of knowledge, I will benefit from this accumulated experience (if SHARED) (I’ll be clever).

No matter the past as long as I am fine with this person who matches my expectations (I'm some kind of a philosopher, I’m fine here and now).

In summary, there are risks and rewards... as anywhere.

Personally I prefer making choices based on true statements (my approach to a limitation of risks). Asking questions about the past is a way to evaluate these famous risks and to apprehend them in a proper way.

Knowing the facts I may run away because I do not have the shoulders to cope with it or because I feel a danger that I cannot explain. I can also choose to pay the price and make what I feel as a worthwhile effort.

Lies and hidden things may bring to a challenging life... when you have time to spend and nothing else to do!! 

In short, knowing the person, his past and knowing your fears looks like a wise approach... but isn’t it is somehow heavy?

Have you ever felt like jumping into the water without probing the temperature?

It makes a big splash and it’s fun. The consequences? Who cares?

After all nothing is important.

Firstly for the one whom use insults, personal attacks, diminished others people and taking the debate on a sterile conversation, I would suggest that you send me a private message; I think these comments will be more useful to complete my actual collection. Besides also I would suggest you to have a look on my tread limits of freedom of speech on internet debate.

Secondly I wrote this thread after planning breaking up with the person, and now I guess you know the reason.

In another hand I am thinking maybe people didn't really get my point or it is all free sex with everybody and liberal nowadays. Well, and then wonder why relationships don't last.

It is normal for all of us that we want to feel somehow very special to the other person and somehow if  the other waited for the "right" person =me (don't mean no experience, but if the experience is huge you feel less valued). I want that the other person has same kind of values/morale than me (which means respect, family, trust, equality, generousness and honesty). We all want somebody with high standards (not somebody who is sleeping with every other available person)

If I would know a girl who has slept with innumerate amount of people it makes me sick and probably makes me feel somehow "dirty" to be with a person that half of the glocals has shared. And off course someone who does not have any MST lol. But I also understand as it is even more difficult to find a guy who has behaved "nicely".

Last but not least I was very picky before my 5 years of marriage and I became extremely picky after my divorce. As Heather B. said people have the right to discriminate based on ANY criteria we want.

According to my high standards if you are interested you can below my criteria to choose my partner:

-          Educated (at least Master Degree)

-          Smart

-          Elegant

-          Good Manners

-          Financial independent

-          Easygoing

-          Open-minded

-          Younger (being sure she will not be close to the menopause lol)

-          and off course good looking

Dear all,

I give up!  In relation to this post...

@Felipe: "I don’t have any insecure feelings, I am very confident about myself, even too much according to some people. I just want to need to feel special; I think it is very common to any humans being. I like being to feel special when people treat me differently than they treat others."

According to my limited experience what you describe above is your main challenge. It is the very definition of being insecure and low on self-confidence to have a need to be recognized by others, and to feel threatened by aspects of others that are very much your own core characteristic qualities.

But then again, this is my 1st post here, and I don't know you other than browsing this thread.

Dear all,

Follow Clint B steps please.....Felipe was just mocking all of you. He/she was having a boring day and decided to start this thread to get some reactions and laugh at your responses....and then continue writing stuff that would make you feel so sad to the point of wanting to pay him a few sessions with a shrink (or a trip in time back not to the 60's but 1860), OR get mad and continue replying to this nonsense, so he could continue mocking you.

My advice: everyone don't waste your time......"Felipe": don't waste people's time, some of them are nice people (I say some for the ones I know, but you all probably are nice :D), very active in giving advice and tips to members and actually putting thought in their answers, so if you're not putting any you don't deserve their attention.

My answer to your question:

"Do you think my reaction is normal?" : Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn ;) ...for the reasons expressed above. Think about it, be a good boy and maybe when you go to Heaven there will be a 100 virgins ready for you to finally be happy ;)

Felipe,

you are either a troll, in which case you're a nuisance, or a rather dumb teenager lost in man's body, in which case you are beyond hope. As far as I am concerned, I do not live in the savannah, but in a human society made of real people, culture, education, fun, love, compassion, sharing. I'm joining Clint outta here and I leave you to your fruitless jungle and silly lioness. I wish you all the best in you superficial and  uncultured world.

@Jenny: I was not mocking ANYONE, I was talking about a subject that I seriously faced and you all probably also did in a time of your life.

@Free: I use an example which maybe was not relevant. We have just a different point of view and it is not a big deal.

Btw I would like to thank all grateful comments that I received.

Counterpoint #1

Counterpoint #2

Felipe,

I also as many think that this conversation is useless, first because there are much more important things to discuss and overcome in relationships than it.

But why many girls and men are so angry at you here is because you do the worst thing to do to anybody - discrimination. Why women can not have a lot of sexual partners and be proud of it as men does?

And, how you think it is possible: if you had many sexual contacts with women then women have to have the same number of contacts as well, otherwise it would be no possible....No sence to double your men's numbers and say less for women, the number will be the same.

I am amused by this whole thread.  I have been kind of neutral towards Felipe and more or less just liking the different opinions and dialogues.  Yes, it's true, a few people have leaned into Felipe a bit and made it a little personal. Frankly, he is taking this thing too seriously, as evidenced by his recent responses.  Some of the people leaning into him, are perhaps, taking it a little too serious too.

Let's all lighten up on this subject...especially Felipe.  Do what you want it's a free country and you have your own free choice.  The fact that you posted this topic in the forum, you opened yourself up to taking a few personal hits.  

Let's all accept that there is a double standard and there really shouldn't be.  If you want to be with someone who hasn't had a lot of sexual partners, don't be so picky and evaluate people based on a broader critieria.  if you yourself have had a lot of sexual partners, you have absolutely no legitimacy in judging someone who has as wel and expecting them to live by different standards.

Let's not all be so shallow, when there's a connection between two people, there's a connection, and if you're a genuine person you'll overlook this petty detail and want to be with the other person.

Felipe - good luck, but don't expect to post something like this, which is controversial, and not take a few personal hits.  By the way, your written English could use some serious improvement - not sure what translator you're using, but it's not working that well.

Olga: "Why women can not have a lot of sexual partners and be proud of it as men does?"

For a man to achieve a high partner count requires at least a modicum of effort and/or skill.  Most celibate men are living as such by circumstance, not by choice.

For a woman to achieve a high partner count requires one thing: willingness.  When all one needs to do is to show-up and spread-open, people are not going to hand out any awards for successful sluttery.

That is why the "double-standard" isn't going anywhere.

Heh, I'll get in temporary )))

1. Human jungles are not about lions (they get killed and broken rather often), they are more about rats and monkey.

2. Lions just ***k the best breed lioness. Nether heard/read about lions wondering how many other lions have already sex with her )))

As a consequence... You're not an animal, just a weak human (((

Oh, this is more an abuse baby, or maybe you just tried to excuse your low number...

Anyway I don't think for men it is so difficult, it is also requires only attitude and lies.

And for woman, I would not just sleep with any guy, i chose carefully and I would not for sure choose a guy who thinks that willingness of woman for sex is to be a slut..

Hey Free! and others...What is wrong with the post of Good Rider? She is right of course, men carry much less about relationships than women (if we don't count sex of course..), there are good men, there are so called "bad", but most of the job in relationships do the women. Men want the sex, yes, but relationships...well...maybe...but not really that it matters for them. They can get in love and try to follow women or they can follow her for sex, but not to build relationships, not to make efforts, not like they dream to marry (like woman do)...at least until they pass their 40s. Is it obvious?

I think your answer, Free is too aggressive and too superficial too, what suprised me (as I thought you are wise man). We are not so ideal always meet the right men and not going to wait for ages when he will arrive. And of course I know (as well as Rider) that I have to try my best, but sorry, I am also not going to do all the job.

I don't blame men, especially good ones, but it is just a true.

Well Felipe there are enough virgins on the planet for you to find your good soul mate. I just hope that your special someone after some time with you won't start thinking about experiences she has missed out and start wanting to make them then.... 

p.s. I did not know glocals could be used to place matrimonial ads - can I put mine also?  

Anyway I don't think for (the) men (in which I am interested) it is so difficult, it is also requires only attitude and lies.

Fixed that for you.  There's a good reason why you only notice the behaviours of a select group of men.  The uninteresting males are invisible.

...and I'll ignore your ad hominem insult.  

Time for a quick music break on Glocals FM. And this one's going to to Filipe in Geneva...

@Olga, you said: “you do the worst thing to do to anybody - discrimination. Why women can not have a lot of sexual partners and be proud of it as men does?”

You blame the fact that according to my personal criteria I discriminate and then you also said “I would not just sleep with any guy, i chose carefully” which is for me the same attitude. As I said regarding relationship we are all FREE to have the right to discriminate based on ANY criteria we want.

@Matt B: “By the way, your written English could use some serious improvement - not sure what translator you're using, but it's not working that well.”

I don’t use any translators, I just don’t make any efforts, I post my comments without reading them again.

@Sara h: “p.s. I did not know glocals could be used to place matrimonial ads - can I put mine also?”

Sara h come on, do you really think it was a matrimonial ads? Did you not notice God was very generous with me ?

Instead of responding with personal attacks (as a lot of people do), I prefer to answer them by one more provocation.

I received a lot of aggressive answers; I hope you are all aware that it is not really tolerant and constructive for the debate. Do you think it is possible to think differently without receiving personal attacks and aggressive comments on this tread?

Hi Olga,

There was nothing aggressive in my post, merely a bit of irritation against canned thinking. Readymade sentences such as “all men are bat at relationship” or “women only look powerful guys” are just sterile generalizations that do not contribute to the debate at all. They only say something about the person who expresses them and his/her limiting beliefs.

If you – that’s a generic you – only meet “bad” guys, it does not necessarily mean that all men are bad, but it does raises questions about you, your social environment, the men you meet, and the reasons why you meet them. I am always puzzled to see how we tend to blame the other instead of asking ourselves what we may be doing wrong.

As I said in a previous post, we all send signals about ourselves that reveal who we are and these signals – the non-verbal part of our communication – trigger reactions in the people around you. For short, wrong signal = wrong partner. “Men are from Mars and women from Venus” has certainly helped a lot of people, but it equally damaged a lot of relationships by putting people in boxes to which they do not necessarily belong.

While we’re at it, here is another example of that 2 cents philosophy that has some wisdom in it: “Women need to fall in love to have sex; Men need to have sex to fall in love”. But experience shows that it is not always the case and biology has revealed that oxytocin released during orgasm plays a role in the creation of bonds between partners J

Felipe, I had the chance to take a glance at your previoux pix. Was it part of a series of pix you'd like to send for Armani and CK perfume ads?

(don't worry, I'm not trying to flirt with you, in age you must be somewhere between me & my eldest son, and anyway I'm in a happy relationship... no matter what Free may think... and express in quite a condescending and obnoxious way... sometimes)

@Matt B: “By the way, your written English could use some serious improvement - not sure what translator you're using, but it's not working that well.”

That was unnecessarily mean to Felipe. Many of us here on Glocals are French native speakers from what I understand and could do with English language improvement and that includes Felipe, Free, little me... but that's not the point here.

What a stupid reply? What a right you have to rephrase my sentence??

I am not talking about the kind of men I chose and I told already that there are "good" and "bad" and we meet both of them from time to time.

And I don't know if it matters for you but for the women it matters what kind of guy she is with so it is also difficult for as since it is always requires courage and skills to approach the one who you really like.

I don't understand you Free, it is seems you didn't read my post carefully or just took it from your angle of view (that other people not so wise as you can be).

I crearly stated in my post that there are diffirent kinds of men but we (and me) are not so ideal always to chose the right one, "to send the right signals" you have to be what, superwoman? too right, too wrong? you are telling black and white, what I call superficial. Relax, we are not so stupid and perfectly understand when it was our mistake and when, sorry, but it was a partner.

... for me the best I have read in this thread so far.

Hmm, Feisty!  Stockholm left quite an impression on you, I see.

I have found amusing in this thread to see how differently people can interpret a post.For many they seem to take the originator as a “typical, immature, superficial macho, who has had his share of women but expects his girlfriend to be practically a virgin and after founding she is not, is here to publicly condemn her”.

For me this was a neutral topic started by somebody who has thought about the subject of a partner’s past at some point in life (and I cannot think he is the only one who has done it) and opened a discussion for both genders to participate.

I came to think that maybe people who feel threatened by gender equality tend to overreact and read easily between the lines something directed to degrade women. I come from a culture were gender equality is generally well accepted and not much of an issue. Maybe that is why I took this topic from a neutral perspective, “how has your partner’s past impacted you (whether you are a man OR a woman)” and not as anything intended to send women back to 1860 or wherever. The originator just happened to be a man. Maybe I am completely wrong, then in that case I prefer to keep my naive illusions :P.  

But I hope women would be confident in themselves and not see/read threats where there are necessarily not. I think how you interpret somebody’s text and add content not included there can reveal more about you and your perceptions as about the original text.

There has been many wise advice and comments along the thread; we should live in the present, not emphasize superficial aspects, be free of jealousy, learn from partner’s past etc.etc. I agree that we all should live by these and other ideal standards, but it is human nature to have sometimes doubts, insecurities, inappropriate (?), low or less than perfect thoughts and I give recognition to the original poster to be honest to post publicly one of his.

 I had my own thoughts of the topic but seeing the quite personal and somewhat hostile direction this thread has taken, opted to keep them to myself. I would have probably been accused, among other things, of living in the pre 60’s era.Though, nothing wrong with that I guess=).

Another thing rechard, sorry if it offends you, but it is too bad not to mention, that as it comes from your post it seems that you thank the women who ever showed willingness to have sex with you by calling them nothing but the slut

Your writing skills are quite good.

Your reading comprehension might need a little attention.

I find it quite interesting that you chose to focus on the female reactions to the exclusion of the male. You characterize women's (or at least certain of these) reactions as  "threats." 

Yes, it is true, "how you interpret somebody's text and add content not included there can reveal more about you and your perceptions as about the original text."  The same can be said of those who are willfully blind to the use of language and the context.

Feel free to take a "neutral" interpretation where the thread originator claimed no neutrality at all.

"And when I know more information, about how many sexual partners she had before me, how many one night stand she had etc… Well a) I kind of feel sick, or empty, or something, b) especially when we have to count them with more than 2 hands...."c) Even I had more relations than her, my first reaction is to break up and hoping to meet a new girl d) who has not a huge past.

Are statements a, b, c, d neutral? On what planet?  

 As richardm points out, there is reading and then there is also comprehension.  The original poster asked for people's opinions and responses were given.  I doubt many women here were threatened by any remarks here.  Living in the past works for some people.  The rest of us have moved on from the cro magnon man and ways of attracting him.

Olga,

I’ve got my own bias and I may have misunderstood you or not understood what you were trying to express, but I was in no way after you, nor was I implying that you could have been “so stupid not [to] understand when it was [your] mistake.” None of us is perfect or ideal and be sure that it includes me, myself and I. We are all looking for, are starting or are engaged in a relationship with our weaknesses and imperfections, which is exactly what makes us great and love worth to struggle for.

You did nevertheless say that “men carry much less about relationships than women (if we don't count sex of course..), there are good men, there are so called "bad", but most of the job in relationships do the women. Men want the sex, yes, but relationships.. .well... maybe...but not really that it matters for them”, which does not match my experience. I could tell you, from my past relationships and from friends, that a number of women around me have reached a point in their lives (over 40) where they do not have room for a man (I’m quoting a friend here). They went through raising kids, with or without the support of the father, through divorce, sometimes through a painful process of personal reconstruction, fighting to regain a new equilibrium, give a new direction or a new meaning to their lives (all of this applying to men, by the way), and they simply do not feel like committing themselves anymore, only leaving their lovers with the option to sit on a folding seat on the verge of their life.

As Heather rightly said, “we are allowed to discriminate based on ANY criteria we want and there is no wrong/right, only personal tastes.” It is Felipe’s privilege to be picky and to have a list of criteria to choose his partner. To me, it looks like a boring Ikea shopping list, but it only implies me. I know that there is a fine line between expressing an opinion and judging, and it can be difficult not to cross it…I do not always succeed, but I try!

I must admit I haven't followed the discussion... it is sooooo boring. Nevertheless, I can say in full confidence, that, without generalising too much, many Geneva men are a bunch of whiners... Extremely pathetic...

Oh, well, grow a ***** and maybe, just maybe, a real woman would fall for you, if you are smart enough to play it cool...

Grow the *** up!

Dear Felipe,

Jealousy is a normal passion and very present in the young of either gender. It is so easy to fall prey to but if/as you mature you learn to love more and judge less.

Because jealousy is a form of possessiveness, or twisted love, it is not true love. Thus it eventually detroys the first love which inspired it. You said yourself that it made you sick...actually you are making yourself sick by allowing this negative passion to consume you.

Many operas and myths are written about the tragic consequenses of jealousy unleashed. And the human passions have not evolved. Just read about the crimes of passion in the newspapers.

To lead a happier love life, to be a better brother, son, friend, colleague and one day father, aspire to overcome your jealousy and love the other person more than yourself. It will set you free and it will draw people to you, because they will sense that you offer agape (le depassement de soi).

Love is the gift of oneself to the other.

The next time you meet a girl and want to know about her past, ask her about the things that will make you love her more and don't try to dig for sad stories or reasons to make you sick with an unhealthy passion.

Ask her about the games she played as a little girl, how she wore her hair, what she wanted for Christmas....and celebrate her past as a part of what she is today.

I promise you that you will find a woman delighted with you as a man and you will know happiness.

Hugs, Mary

Cristian, 3 posts in 3 years membership, status = "Blah", did not bother to follow the thread but finds it boring, does not want to generalize but finds that many men in Geneva are whiners, sort of whines himslef about the fact that many men in Geneva are whiners. Waow...

Mar H:

I know you said you prefer to keep your naive illusions but I will answer to some things you wrote (just because that's what I wanted to prevent: people being naive about "Felipe"):

I am the one and only person -Free almost got it completely right in one post- who has not "interpreted" "Felipe's" thread because actually KNOWS what it's all about and that's why I didn't give my opinion, because he wasn't really interested in that!!!

"Felipe" just wanted to create controversy and laugh at people's comments, especially at girls who maybe -according to your theory- do not come from countries where gender equality is well accepted and so they "overreact".....women who "Felipe" called feminists...as if feminism was only about granting women the same freedom men have to enjoy their sexuality in any way they want :S

Many people here have defended - and seem to admire :))) - "Felipe" for posting such a controversial topic and giving such "interesting" and controversial opinions on these topics. Well, maybe it's just me but I would give more credit to a man/woman who does that while using a real name and photo and really puts himself out there for the answers to come, instead of hiding behind a fake profile. Wouldn't you?

"I had my own thoughts of the topic but seeing the quite personal and somewhat hostile direction this thread has taken, opted to keep them to myself."

Well, if "Felipe" (supposedly) posted something personal, what's wrong with receiving personal opinions?? Can someone really give valid advice on something he/she has not experienced?

Good you opted to keep your opinion on the matter to yourself! Why? This is what I don't like and the reason why I made my first comment:

He posts something that's not personal and uses a fake account, some well-intentioned people give him advice and share personal experiences and then get attacked by a third one for their opinions, and all for what? for "Felipe" to laugh at everyone, then come back with more incendiary comments while LOL'ing every two sentences (and this was a difficult / painful topic about his girl?), and finally thanking people for their valuable advice and saying he changed his mind only to come back again with more LOLs but then change his mind again ....sorry but for me that's not funny.

Want to know why I replied to your particular post? well, because after reading it I noticed you have "Felipe" on your friends list ;) just as some other girls who have never met him do. Some of them have actually replied to him via private message and have shared personal stuff with him, only for what?? well the same answer above applies....Maybe some of them liked the fake model photos of the very conservative french-italian guy (who thinks about marriage!) who happens to have made some intelligent comments on other topics. I wonder if one or many of them proposed drinks to him to continue the discussion and talk about their similar views and conservative backgrounds ;))) ...I hope they proposed meeting at the new member drinks venue so they at least had other company available in case they were stood up by him.

Anyways, "Felipe" I warned you dear and had to say it....I will never reveal your real identity but just stop making fun of good people, please?....I know it's maybe not all your fault, some people just share too much info on these websites, but I'm sure they're doing it with good intentions and you're not considering that.

If Felipe posted this just to start an interesting thread - then I applaud him, most of the topics here are inane and this one has a certain punch to it that has gotten a lot of people involved.

In summary, for the men, the perfect woman is a virgin with a lot experience and who does not speak about her past...

As this does not exist, we have to admit that the world is not perfect, that nobody is perfect. Love is also to accept our partner as he or she is, with all the imperfections and with a past life. This requires a certain humility and understanding.

I was wondering Jenny if those were photos of him, given that that he used two model photos and another of a guy in silhouette against a window taken 10 metres away. Maybe I'm wrong and if I am I apologies but also have you (or anyone else) actually met him? 

I'm just curious what we can expect if you do at some point decide to reveal his 'true identity' - nothing like this by any chance....

@Jenny,

If you're right, and you seem to have good some insider's info, Felipe is not only troll, but a pathetic jerk and his account should to be closed. Cheers.

I don't agree, people can post whatever they want here, I don't believe this is against the Glocals terms of use.  Who cares what his motivation was for posting, frankly this is one of the more lively provocative threads I've seen.  This topic has brought out some interesting perspectives, attacks, etc.

Matt, agreed, providing that people do not use fake accounts or fake ID. It's a simple matter of respect.

Out of Topic: “Firstly I would like to apologize to a person from this thread, who will recognize by herself and who waited me for a date for 2 hours at Starbucks in Rive few months ago. I am really sorry if I hurt your dignity.”

On this thread I received a lot of personal attacks, some people even called me “Asshole”. I wanted seriously talking about a subject that I faced, after reflexion I really think I should have found another way of sharing such issues.

Unfortunately as internet is an open space it happens often debates on internet can be easily polluted. As I said earlier for one whom use his freedom of speech to spoil the debate, diminished others people, taking the debate on a sterile conversation and use out of topic messages and provocations. Please send me a private message.

Cheers,

Felipe

Hi Free,

Thank you for your apologise. It was very nice of you.

 But it seems that you are more agree with me than contradict.

First you say:

"You did nevertheless say that “men carry much less about relationships than women (if we don't count sex of course..), there are good men, there are so called "bad", but most of the job in relationships do the women. Men want the sex, yes, but relationships.. .well... maybe...but not really that it matters for them”, which does not match my experience.

And then you tell:

 " I could tell you, from my past relationships and from friends, that a number of women around me have reached a point in their lives (over 40) where they do not have room for a man (I’m quoting a friend here). They went through raising kids, with or without the support of the father, through divorce, sometimes through a painful process of personal reconstruction, fighting to regain a new equilibrium, give a new direction or a new meaning to their lives (all of this applying to men, by the way), and they simply do not feel like committing themselves anymore, only leaving their lovers with the option to sit on a folding seat on the verge of their life.

Does it came out the consequences that men carried much less about relatioships?

... and no less than 20 activities for Cristian.

As to the men of this city being whiners, well, the whole of Switzerland is aware of the reputation of Genevans, men and women alike, of being whiners. "Les genevois sont des râleurs."

I am surprised to read you over and over again so aggressive on this post.

I feel the same. And I'm feeling that way about you now.

When you find fault with me without trying to understand my situation, I feel re-sentful and very hurt.

How do you feel about people that are too aggressive?

"Felipe":

It's good that this at least made you apologize to one of those girls you stood up months ago by using this fake identity. But this should have never happened in the first place and you know that was my main concern because I expressed it to you. That kind of situation has never happened to me or my dearest friends but it doesn't need to become personal for me to just find it plain wrong!

I still don't quite get it how you consider the responses you've gotten as "personal attacks" since you're not even Felipe Marciano :S and you're using this profile to say things you wouldn't dare to say using your real profile. Now, I'm not saying your opinions are wrong (I have no interest in debating this subject and many others), but if you feel so strong and right about your points, why not use your real profile?

See, you're even getting support from some people, so why hide?

Yes the internet is an open space and people write pretty much whatever they want on forums like this and I'm not going to ask admins to delete their comments or profiles like you have done before, but if find it really disgusting when people use that freedom to mock and make fun of other people....and to hurt other people's dignity....like you said it yourself at the beginning of the message I'm quoting here.

Now you can be all mad at me if you want but at least you made some progress and apologized to one of the girls and hopefully you will never play like this again.

As I said before, don't waste people's time. Okay, they make the mistake of trusting a stranger (we all have at a point in our lives maybe) but in your hands you have the decission of taking advantage of their mistakes.

Think about it.

Yes I met him and I said I will never reveal his real identity.

He's a normal guy, good looking, with a normal life and even good feelings, but who acted too childish by taking advantage of the anonymity the internet gives to all of us. Some of us take it, some of us don't.

That's why I wrote what I wrote.

That's it.

I should add that this also applies (if not more so) for Men!..

Damn I have enough baggage to warrant a whole train of sherpars to carry it around for me, and if perchance my past were to affect all women, I'd never get a date again.

Thank you to all the understanding women out there ;-))))

Is'nt there a law somewhere in the Swiss Penal code about faking identities?

Seems to happen alot here on Glocals... can someone please verify the identity of Filipe, so we can carry on this quite fun and enlightening argument....without getting off topic...

Cheers.

No worries Charlie - I have four friends and a talking dog who love a good unmasking!

"Yeah! And I would've gotten away with enraging some feminists if it wasn't for you pesky posters!"

Will you agree to disagree on this? We have just a major values conflict here. 

Are you aware of how often you assume untruth things about me?

As I told I am very sorry for the starbucks, so please don’t it to personal.

Felipe, you kind of look for flames... You start a surprising but quite interesting topic, seem to express some disarray with your partner, then come up with a very materialistic and somewhat surrealistic shopping list and eventually tell everyone that you were just bored at work, wanted to debate on a provocative topic and that we should not take this post seriously. All of this topped by Jenny’s posts, which you did not bother to contradict thereby sort of confirming that she’s right, that you are indeed using a fake ID to provoke people. And now you tell me that you are hurt by my reactions to the controversy you put up?

But I’ll give you the benefit of doubt and if your questions were genuine, I’m ready to apologize over a beer. Just send me a PM.

If you are Not Filipe, or whomever, and you get deleted along with this thread, I will loose a pile of "thanks" from assorted girls (and some men) and hence I will sue you for "thanks".... so you better be real ....

Where is scooby doo when you need him?

Charlie, Scooby Doo is either in rehab or he's still high from Scooby Snacks... you should find another dog.

not all detectives get on with dogs.....

Hi folks,

I don't like accusations floating around and creating suspicions, so lets deal with this and clear it up.

Felipe - Jenny publicly accused you of using a fake name, fake photo and fake info on your profile.

You're usually very quick to complain when you feel wronged, yet in this case you're ignoring the accusation and not complaining or replying.

Please help us out here - is Jenny making these accusations up or are you a fake?

Oded

yeah that will work Sherlock....

Hardly likely to say "Fair cop Gov'nor" in public is he.....

“then come up with a very materialistic and somewhat surrealistic shopping list”

As I said to Sara h, instead of responding with personal attacks (as a lot of people do), I prefer to answer by one more provocation.

“tell everyone that you were just bored at work, wanted to debate on a provocative topic”

It was again a provocation against a personal attack, when you need to make black/white criticisms without trying to understand the other person's situation, it hard for me to respect some points of view.

“that we should not take this post seriously”

Off course we should not take this post too seriously, especially when people make disrespectful (or uninformed) judgments about my point of view.

“you did not bother to contradict thereby sort of confirming that she’s right”

I don't think you know enough to have an opinion about it. You also have to understand the frustration of a woman who waits 2 hours someone for a date; this women won’t forget it and will always find a way to give you back.

“you are hurt by my reactions to the controversy you put up”

What needs are you filling by criticizing without knowing more? I never attacked anyone personally on this thread, so why do people attack me for my different point of view?

Sometimes people like to confess their crimes and go out with a bang.

Either way - we need some closure here, and ignoring a blatant accusation like this, which should be pretty easy to refute, is not a good strategy.

O

Filipe ...you tell em matey

FYI

Your explanations are not very convincing, especially when its so easy to prove you're real.

Send me a photo of yourself holding today's newspaper, send me a photo of your ID card...

This is not going to go away if you ignore it, so lets settle it and move on.

Oded

----------< Felipe Marciano wrote @ Today, Jul 20, 11 15:08 >------------

I tolerate her accusation as I explained on the thread we also have to understand the frustration of a woman who waits 2 hours
someone for a date; this women won’t forget it and will always find a
way to give you back.

I did a mistake by not coming to the date, so if she found this way to get revenge I accept and tolerate it. :-)

Also I received a lot of personnal attacks on the thread and I did not report any of them (including the one from Jenny)

Add me on facebook and you will see how real I am

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780126796

Felipe

----------< SiteAdmin Oded wrote @ Today, Jul 20, 11 14:57 >------------

Felipe - Jenny made some serious accusations against you publicly in our forums.

If she's lying, I want to block here profile. If she's telling the truth I want to block your profile.

Whats going on here?

Oded

What woman would wait TWO HOURS for a date to show up?

Ten minutes is the max I would give to a guy, then I'd leave (and he'd better have a very good excuse for being late ten minutes).

Deniz: I guess you think you will never end up one day divorced. So do we all think when we are young and single and successful. I also bet that, even if you are childless, you have quite an opinion on education. 

There is just one thing I don't get here; how on earth are we supposed to know about our partner's past numbers, unless he/she decides to tell (probably a distorted figure, either way)? There is one golden rule: keep quiet about it and don't ask questions especially if you can't handle the answers (this has been pointed out many times befoire). Except maybe for virgins, there is absolutely no way of guessing the partner's past experiences as many so-called sexually experienced people continue to be lousy lovers while believing the contrary.

Frankly speaking, I find emotional bonds way more powerful than (only) sexual ones, which basically remain meaningless flings. Even if the emotional bond has transformed and loosened and has even broken down, as it sometimes happens in a divorced couple, more often than not remain its permanent markers: children.

The real question for me would be: how do you deal with your partner's past, when he/she has been married-divorced and has a child/children from that marriage?

I think you're right Tessa and it's now time to pull the plug on this one.

As you say, It has been interesting getting different points of view: male and female - real and fictious members!

(That reminds me - I must update my profile picture...)

Ohhh, now I was the one stood up by you? hahaha, are you trying to be a comedian?

So "Felipe" either you confess in written or meet with Oded to confess in person maybe? ah nooo, sorry, that's not easy to do! as you would embarrased yourself bu showing your real face and he will recognize that you have a real profile with your photo in it on glocals.

You are that eager to take this that far and drag me into the story of one of the poor girls you asked to wait for "Felipe" at cafes or bars only to stand them up and laugh at them while the real you sat to watch and laughed like a kid?? :S

I have enough written proof for Oded, so you better confess to him if you want me to keep my promise of not revealing your real identity, because now he's saying he will delete my profile and I will not let that happen as you and I know that I didn nothing wrong!

It's in your hands "Felipe".

Deniz A: just to make it clear, I'm not a woman desperately trying to defend any position. As I said before I was not interested in joining the debate (and didn't) and that's for a simple reason: the only opinion about "a woman's past, being a virgin, a prude or a complete slut" and etc, etc, etc, I would care for is that of the man who would be with me...simple! the rest can worry about their girls and their girls about them :) ....after all we're talking about COUPLES and I don't see the entire glocals community or other fitting into that equation :S

"Felipe": This is my last post as I did what I came to do. If you continue lying and trying to mock me by inventing stories about me my answer for you will be your deleted profile, as I will not hesitate to show the proof to Oded.

Jeez, this didn't have to go that far!!!

This tread is/was like a movie!

It's just sad that some guy might act like this, hide behind a fake identity...

This thread is fabulous, I can't stop laughing. Poor Felipe, he wanted to "catch" something by being "honest and sensitive" and in fact he catched himself. I wonder how many girls from Glocals were invited at drinks by Felipe, it's good that there is at least one brave enough.

This thread is awesone, it started having "El grande Felipe" on top and now Felipe is in another position, I'm sure that you imagine which one, just think about prison movies. 

Good job Jenny, Felipe maybe you should start hunting on another website or maybe another town. Ooops I can't believe I'm still calling you Felipe when maybe your real name is Antoinette.

Cheers  

I have been quite busy until now trying to answer the question: “does God exist?”

I’m now faced to a new challenge!

 Where should I put the first stone of our new church?

I guess it could be a convenient place to discuss the initial topic “what does our past tells about us?”