This probably (in Nir's words - "good but a little too long")
Yes, It’s a long post – but I hope it shows that laughter is universal, it’s not “racist, homophobic, sexist, religious-ist”, or anything else you want to label humour.
Laughter is a barrier-break, a universal language that breaks down bridges, where we can all share a common goal of three “L’s” – to laugh, love, and live in peace.
So let’s forget our differences and Laugh, Love and Live in peace
A joke about the English – from the Welsh, Scots & Irish
Two Englishmen, two Scotsmen, two Welshmen, and two Irishmen were stranded on a desert island. It wasn’t long before the Scotsmen started a Caledonian Club (strong man festival) and were playing the bagpipes, tossing the caber and eating haggis. The two Welshmen started an Eisteddford (singing festival) and were soon competing against each other in a song and dance. The two Irishmen started a Ceilidh (dancing festival) and downed a few pints of Guinness.
The two Englishmen went to opposite ends of the island and would not speak to each other because they had never been properly introduced.
A joke about the Chinese – from the Irish
Paddy the Chink goes for an interview for a job at Belfast shipyard, he gets it and is told he will be working in the stores with Murphy and is in charge of supplies. Can you handle that he is asked? “sure” Paddy the Chink replies, I can do supplies. 10 minutes later Maguire goes to the stores to get some nails and out of one of the empty boxes in the corner jumps Paddy the Chink waving his arms and shouting..”supplies, supplies, supplies”..
A joke about Aussies – from the English:
If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs?
A joke about the Aussies – from the Irish:
Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney? They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.
A joke about the Kiwis – from the Aussies
New Zealanders love their rowing. Primarily because they sit down and go backwards.
A SEXIST!!!!! Yay!!!!! Joke:
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.
A joke about the Indian’s – from the Pakistanis
A judge asked a little girl: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy? -
Girl: No, my mummy beats me
Judge: I guess you want to live with your daddy.
Girl: No, my daddy beats me too.
Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?
Girl: I want to live with the Indian cricket team, I firmly believe they cannot beat anybody!
A joke about the rest of the world – from India
A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could do to better the car. The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, then they sent it to the UK. The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and a GPS. Then they sent it over the Chinese, who added a lowered suspension to the tiny car. The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists looked at the tiny car, appreciated all the modification the other countries had made, turned it over and stamped a sign on it – “MADE IN INDIA”.
A joke about the “Newfies” – from the Nova Scotians (I have to add this, cos all my cousins are "Newfies"!!)
Q: Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
A: The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling out the pins and throwing them back.
A joke about the Americans – from the Canadians:
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?
A: A Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.
And a joke about the Canadians – from the Americans:
Q: How do you know Adam was a Canadian? A: Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a fruit?
An International Joke about Everyone (but especially the Americans!):
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world." The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
An International Joke about Barack Obama:
A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hello Mr. President".
A joke from the Palestinians about Isreal:
On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Israel. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It will have rolling hills and mountains full of goats and eagles, a beautiful, sparkling, clear ocean full of sea life and high cliffs overlooking white sandy beaches." God continued, "And I shall make the land rich in oil to allow the inhabitants to prosper. I shall call these inhabitants ‘Jews’ and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But," asked Gabriel, "Don't you think you’re being too generous to these Jews?" "Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
A joke from (London) Jews to Gentiles:
Ruth and Golda were walking along Hendon High Street. Ruth says, "My son Irving is getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but... he thinks she may have a disease called herpes. Golda says, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?" Ruth replies, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement - it's time he settled down. As far as the herpes goes...who knows?" "Well," says Golda, "I have a very good medical dictionary at home. I'll look it up and call you." So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth. "Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."
A Jewish Joke about Muslims:
In Jerusalem, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Jewish cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump." The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump." Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of your Rabbi" Man replies "Who is that?" Cop yells "Jump, Muslim! You're blocking traffic!"
And if you’re wondering why there are no jokes about Muslims taking the piss out of the rest of the world – there are none. But any contributions from our Muslim community would be more than welcome. Shalom!!
but I didn't take offence - there's absolutely no point.
