The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
- Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
Global Forums > General > When insults had class (a classic)
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When insults had class (a classic)
Jul 27, 2008 @ 01:32
The text you are quoting:
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
- Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
FreeJul 27, 2008 @ 01:32
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
- Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
FreeJul 27, 2008 @ 01:32
Your Reply:
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Re: When insults had class (a classic)
Post 1
Jul 27, 2008 @ 04:01
You can add a few ones by De Gaulle. Once, he had to inspect a tank unit. A tank driver had writen "mort aux cons!" ("death to assholes!") on his vehicle. Everybody tried to convince him to remove the inscription but he refused. De Gaulle came, saw the writing, nodded and said : "vaste programme!"
The text you are quoting:
You can add a few ones by De Gaulle. Once, he had to inspect a tank unit. A tank driver had writen "mort aux cons!" ("death to assholes!") on his vehicle. Everybody tried to convince him to remove the inscription but he refused. De Gaulle came, saw the writing, nodded and said : "vaste programme!"
Bustan_A, Jul 27, 2008 @ 04:01
Bustan_A, Jul 27, 2008 @ 04:01
Your Reply:
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Re: When insults had class (a classic)
Post 2
Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:21
[quote]
...and on for the Americans... A true story, off the British coast, reported in the Press, about 15 years ago - Not too sure of the US ship's name though... Basic background: larger ships have priority over smaller vessels (apart from yachts). It starts with the US ship:
-Divert your course.
-No.
Divert your course, we are a big ship!
-No.
-Divert your course 15° north!
-No.
-This is an aircraft carrier, the USS Enterprise of the United States Navy... Divert your course 15° north immediately!
-Umm, this is a lighthouse...
:-D J.
[/quote]
I love this story so here is the full transcription form the radio conversation
/////////////////////
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
/////////
cheers
...and on for the Americans... A true story, off the British coast, reported in the Press, about 15 years ago - Not too sure of the US ship's name though... Basic background: larger ships have priority over smaller vessels (apart from yachts). It starts with the US ship:
-Divert your course.
-No.
Divert your course, we are a big ship!
-No.
-Divert your course 15° north!
-No.
-This is an aircraft carrier, the USS Enterprise of the United States Navy... Divert your course 15° north immediately!
-Umm, this is a lighthouse...
:-D J.
[/quote]
I love this story so here is the full transcription form the radio conversation
/////////////////////
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
/////////
cheers
The text you are quoting:
[quote]
...and on for the Americans... A true story, off the British coast, reported in the Press, about 15 years ago - Not too sure of the US ship's name though... Basic background: larger ships have priority over smaller vessels (apart from yachts). It starts with the US ship:
-Divert your course.
-No.
Divert your course, we are a big ship!
-No.
-Divert your course 15° north!
-No.
-This is an aircraft carrier, the USS Enterprise of the United States Navy... Divert your course 15° north immediately!
-Umm, this is a lighthouse...
:-D J.
[/quote]
I love this story so here is the full transcription form the radio conversation
/////////////////////
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
/////////
cheers
sandholm, Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:21
...and on for the Americans... A true story, off the British coast, reported in the Press, about 15 years ago - Not too sure of the US ship's name though... Basic background: larger ships have priority over smaller vessels (apart from yachts). It starts with the US ship:
-Divert your course.
-No.
Divert your course, we are a big ship!
-No.
-Divert your course 15° north!
-No.
-This is an aircraft carrier, the USS Enterprise of the United States Navy... Divert your course 15° north immediately!
-Umm, this is a lighthouse...
:-D J.
[/quote]
I love this story so here is the full transcription form the radio conversation
/////////////////////
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
/////////
cheers
sandholm, Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:21
Your Reply:
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Re: When insults had class (a classic)
Post 3
Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:43
Too good to be true... Funny nevertheless.
The text you are quoting:
Too good to be true... Funny nevertheless.
Casuistik, Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:43
Casuistik, Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:43
Your Reply:
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Re: When insults had class (a classic)
Post 4
Jul 27, 2008 @ 20:37
: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"
: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
: "Right."
: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
: "It's in the air."
: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
(source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7489457.stm)
: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
: "Right."
: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
: "It's in the air."
: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
(source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7489457.stm)
The text you are quoting:
: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"
: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
: "Right."
: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
: "It's in the air."
: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
(source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7489457.stm)
marcomarco, Jul 27, 2008 @ 20:37
: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
: "Right."
: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
: "It's in the air."
: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
(source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7489457.stm)
marcomarco, Jul 27, 2008 @ 20:37
Your Reply:
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Re: When insults had class (a classic)
Post 5
Jul 27, 2008 @ 20:41
(...something has been lost in formatting, so here it is again...)
Control: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"
Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
Control: "Right."
Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
Control: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
Caller: "It's in the air."
Control: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
Caller: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
Control: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"
Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
Control: "Right."
Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
Control: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
Caller: "It's in the air."
Control: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
Caller: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
The text you are quoting:
(...something has been lost in formatting, so here it is again...)
Control: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"
Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
Control: "Right."
Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
Control: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
Caller: "It's in the air."
Control: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
Caller: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
marcomarco, Jul 27, 2008 @ 20:41
Control: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"
Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."
Control: "Right."
Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."
Control: "It's been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?"
Caller: "It's in the air."
Control: "I will send someone up there now to check it out."
Caller: "OK."
...an officer comes on the spot...
Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"
Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."
marcomarco, Jul 27, 2008 @ 20:41
Your Reply:
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Re: When insults had class (a classic)
Post 6
Jul 29, 2008 @ 23:43
[quote]
"When I was 16, I thought my parents knew nothing. When i was 21, I was shocked to discover how much they had picked up in the last 5 yeasrs!"
[/quote]
I do believe it was Mark Twain: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
"When I was 16, I thought my parents knew nothing. When i was 21, I was shocked to discover how much they had picked up in the last 5 yeasrs!"
[/quote]
I do believe it was Mark Twain: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
The text you are quoting:
[quote]
"When I was 16, I thought my parents knew nothing. When i was 21, I was shocked to discover how much they had picked up in the last 5 yeasrs!"
[/quote]
I do believe it was Mark Twain: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Zonker, Jul 29, 2008 @ 23:43
"When I was 16, I thought my parents knew nothing. When i was 21, I was shocked to discover how much they had picked up in the last 5 yeasrs!"
[/quote]
I do believe it was Mark Twain: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Zonker, Jul 29, 2008 @ 23:43
Your Reply:
