Four men went to play golf. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!" The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded." The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar." The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I''m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a new Mercedes, and a complete stock portfolio!".
Four men went to play golf. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!" The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded." The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar." The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I''m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a new Mercedes, and a complete stock portfolio!".
Enee UApr 4, 2014 @ 18:34
nice, great joke to remember in dinner parties
lol, funny
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
Enee U, Apr 14, 2014 @ 12:46
Always be respectful and polite :
As we get older and visit the doctor more, this could come in handy.
An older gentleman had an appointment to see his urologist, who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large, unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist shouted,"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice yelled,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT
THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause and laughter.
Don’t mess with old folks.
Always be respectful and polite :
As we get older and visit the doctor more, this could come in handy.
An older gentleman had an appointment to see his urologist, who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large, unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist shouted,"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice yelled,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT
THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause and laughter.
Don’t mess with old folks.
alfi K, Apr 14, 2014 @ 12:45
Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 Euros.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris T, the show's presenter, "but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"
"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,
''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple, it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because, ya damn lunatic, he lives in a Fookin clock!"
Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 Euros.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris T, the show's presenter, "but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"
"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,
''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple, it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because, ya damn lunatic, he lives in a Fookin clock!"
Milord, Apr 14, 2014 @ 12:54
A sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info.
One ejaculation transfers 15,875 GB of data,
equivalent to that held on 7,500 laptops.(with
"200 million sperm per ejaculation" one would
actually get 7150 TB;
but I'm more interested in where the 37.5 MB
number comes from).
That is a massive amount of data. And A lot of
information for a lady to swallow....
A sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info.
One ejaculation transfers 15,875 GB of data,
equivalent to that held on 7,500 laptops.(with
"200 million sperm per ejaculation" one would
actually get 7150 TB;
but I'm more interested in where the 37.5 MB
number comes from).
That is a massive amount of data. And A lot of
information for a lady to swallow....
Enee U, Apr 14, 2014 @ 13:22
TWO COWS...
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
THE NIGERIAN FACTOR
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Foriegn Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy some judges and government officials, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
3
TWO COWS...
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
THE NIGERIAN FACTOR
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Foriegn Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy some judges and government officials, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
3
Enee U, Apr 14, 2014 @ 14:46
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven‘t the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you!"
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney was equally stunned. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven‘t the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you!"
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney was equally stunned. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
Enee U, Apr 16, 2014 @ 06:12
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Enee U, Apr 30, 2014 @ 14:40
Miss Beatrice, the Church Organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon
the Pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting
room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a pot of tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass
bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water
floated, of all things, a condom in a packet!!
When she returned with the tea and scones they began to chat. The Pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh yes" she replied, isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The Pastor fainted.
Miss Beatrice, the Church Organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon
the Pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting
room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a pot of tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass
bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water
floated, of all things, a condom in a packet!!
When she returned with the tea and scones they began to chat. The Pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh yes" she replied, isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The Pastor fainted.
alfi K, Apr 30, 2014 @ 17:52
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck ! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck ! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
alfi K, Apr 30, 2014 @ 17:59
A Distraught husband filing a report on his missing wife:Husband: I lost my wife (Misty), she went shopping & still has not reached home yet.Insp ector: What is her height?Husband: I never noticed.Inspector: Slim or healthy?Husband: Not slim, can be healthy.Inspector: Color of eyes?Husband: Never noticed.Inspector: Color of hair ?Husband: Changes according to the season.Jnspector: What was she wearing?Husband: Pant suit or dress..... I don't remember exactly.Inspector: Was she going in a car???Husband: yes.Inspector: tell me the number, name & color of the car ? . . . . . ..Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatictransmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which uselight emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratchon the front left door. ?.and then the husband started crying...Inspector: Don't worry sir, we will find your car.....
A Distraught husband filing a report on his missing wife:Husband: I lost my wife (Misty), she went shopping & still has not reached home yet.Insp ector: What is her height?Husband: I never noticed.Inspector: Slim or healthy?Husband: Not slim, can be healthy.Inspector: Color of eyes?Husband: Never noticed.Inspector: Color of hair ?Husband: Changes according to the season.Jnspector: What was she wearing?Husband: Pant suit or dress..... I don't remember exactly.Inspector: Was she going in a car???Husband: yes.Inspector: tell me the number, name & color of the car ? . . . . . ..Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatictransmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which uselight emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratchon the front left door. ?.and then the husband started crying...Inspector: Don't worry sir, we will find your car.....
Enee U, May 1, 2014 @ 18:01
ah ah ah very funny!
What is a kiss?
* In Maths: A kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
* In Biology: It's the exchange of germs from one mouth to another.
* In Chemistry: It's a process of testing the ph of lips.
* In Physics: It's a process to charging a human body.
* In Computer: It's a local area network in which two bodies are connected without data cables.
* In Economics: It's a process in which demand is higher than the supply.
Which Is More Correct?
What is a kiss?
* In Maths: A kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
* In Biology: It's the exchange of germs from one mouth to another.
* In Chemistry: It's a process of testing the ph of lips.
* In Physics: It's a process to charging a human body.
* In Computer: It's a local area network in which two bodies are connected without data cables.
* In Economics: It's a process in which demand is higher than the supply.
Which Is More Correct?
Enee U, May 12, 2014 @ 00:51
(latest release)
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at
a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black p****, but the one in the middle had a pink p****.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on
for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation
of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In
fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink p*****
also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay
men in contemporary society'.
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would
you like to know what the painting is really about? 'Now why would you
claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the
couple? 'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied.
'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just
three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
(latest release)
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at
a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black p****, but the one in the middle had a pink p****.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on
for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation
of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In
fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink p*****
also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay
men in contemporary society'.
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would
you like to know what the painting is really about? 'Now why would you
claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the
couple? 'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied.
'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just
three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
alfi K, May 13, 2014 @ 12:20
Why men should not write advice columns!
Here is a letter to John, a male advice columnist and his response.
The letter:
Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then broke down about a mile down the road. I had no cell phone with me and had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He refuses to go to counseling. I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
John's response:
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be cause by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold. Also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
John
Why men should not write advice columns!
Here is a letter to John, a male advice columnist and his response.
The letter:
Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then broke down about a mile down the road. I had no cell phone with me and had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He refuses to go to counseling. I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
John's response:
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be cause by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold. Also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
John
Free, May 13, 2014 @ 13:20
(latest release)
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at
a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black p****, but the one in the middle had a pink p****.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on
for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation
of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In
fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink p*****
also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay
men in contemporary society'.
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would
you like to know what the painting is really about? 'Now why would you
claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the
couple? 'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied.
'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just
three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
May 13, 14 12:20
Why P****? Penis is a perfectly acceptable English word (1) given the nature of your joke, (2) in a "thread for Jokes and adults that want a good laugh..WARNING parental Advisory..not all Jokes will be family friendly!"
Why P****? Penis is a perfectly acceptable English word (1) given the nature of your joke, (2) in a "thread for Jokes and adults that want a good laugh..WARNING parental Advisory..not all Jokes will be family friendly!"
Free, May 13, 2014 @ 14:40
A Swiss business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, he was impressed and fucked harder,then glad that he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Swiss joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/golfjokes/wrongholegolfjokes.html
A Swiss business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, he was impressed and fucked harder,then glad that he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Swiss joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/golfjokes/wrongholegolfjokes.html
Enee U, May 13, 2014 @ 21:01
I guess this might be the best place on this forum for Russell Brand to say a few words about his rescheduled show on June 18. Only Swiss people allowed to come, no foreigners.
P.S. Anyone that won tickets through BuClub/Glocals last time, you can still claim them for June 18th!
I guess this might be the best place on this forum for Russell Brand to say a few words about his rescheduled show on June 18. Only Swiss people allowed to come, no foreigners.
P.S. Anyone that won tickets through BuClub/Glocals last time, you can still claim them for June 18th!
Gus S, May 14, 2014 @ 11:12
I won a ticket through Glocals on the forum - are you sure I can claim it? How do you know about this?
I won a ticket through Glocals on the forum - are you sure I can claim it? How do you know about this?
buzzcocks, May 14, 2014 @ 22:01
May 14, 14 22:52
Oooooh - that's MEAN - aren't gingers allowed on the beach!!
A koala bear was sitting at a bar and a prostitute sat down next to him. The koala introduced himself and asked how the woman was doing. She stated she was a prostitute and asked the bear if he wanted to have a good time. The bear took the woman up on her offer. They get a hotel room and do their thing. The bear gets up to leave and the woman says, "Wait! You owe me $200!" The koala said, "For What??!" She said, "I am a prostitute! I told you that!" The koala explained that he had no idea what a prostitute was and pulled out his phone to ask Siri what a prostitute was. The phone said, "Someone who performs sexual favors in exchange for money or drugs." The Koala said, "Maybe you should get out your phone and ask it what a Koala Bear is!" The woman pulled out her phone and asked away..."What is a koala bear?" To which the phone replied....
"Koala Bear: An animal who eat bushes and leaves."
A koala bear was sitting at a bar and a prostitute sat down next to him. The koala introduced himself and asked how the woman was doing. She stated she was a prostitute and asked the bear if he wanted to have a good time. The bear took the woman up on her offer. They get a hotel room and do their thing. The bear gets up to leave and the woman says, "Wait! You owe me $200!" The koala said, "For What??!" She said, "I am a prostitute! I told you that!" The koala explained that he had no idea what a prostitute was and pulled out his phone to ask Siri what a prostitute was. The phone said, "Someone who performs sexual favors in exchange for money or drugs." The Koala said, "Maybe you should get out your phone and ask it what a Koala Bear is!" The woman pulled out her phone and asked away..."What is a koala bear?" To which the phone replied....
"Koala Bear: An animal who eat bushes and leaves."
Casuistik, Jun 11, 2014 @ 13:53
