An abrasive businessman in the hospital constantly berates the medical staff. Only the head nurse will stand up to him.

One day she tells him, "I have to take your temperature. I'm sorry, but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This starts rounds of complaining, but eventually the man rolls over and bares his rear end.

After the nurse inserts the thermometer, she announces, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back."

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walk past his door laughing. The man's doctor comes into the room, "What's going on here?"

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor says, "Well, no, not with a carnation, anyway."

The Irish Ballerina
> A large woman, wearing a sleeve-less sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin.
> She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
>
> The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
>
> The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
> She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
>
> Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
>
> The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina'?"
>
> The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"