Pensioner's reply re Coles (FYI Coles is a large supermarket in Australia)

Yesterday  I was at my local COLES  store
buying a  large bag  of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and
was in the  checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a  dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?  So,  since I'm retired and
have little to do, on impulse I  told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting  the Pedigree Diet again.  I added that I probably t,
because I ended up in hospital last time,  but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care  with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IV's  in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a  perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load  your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat
one  or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going  to try it again.  (I have to mention here  that  practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me  if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food  poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped off the kerb  to sniff an
Irish Setter's bum and a car hit me.

I  thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart  attack he
was laughing so hard. 

I'm now banned from Coles.  Better watch what you ask retired 
people. 

They have all the time in the world to  think of daft things to  say.