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Global Forums > General > Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
 
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Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Oct 11, 2012 @ 19:11

I've noticed a recent spate of argumentation between the ladies and gents of the glocals community, each seemingly intent on mocking the other and provoking some suuuuuper long threads. I have decided to step in as a peace-maker with a brilliant idea: a joke-off. The rules of this thread are very simple:


 


i) Provide a joke that mocks one of the genders


ii) The gender mocked MUST BE YOUR OWN (girls make fund of themselves, boys of themselves too!)


iii) If you don't like the jokes posted- you may retort with your own joke, however make sure you observe rule number ii)


 


If you don't like the thread or jokes posted, ask the person holding the gun to your head if you can switch to a different forum - remember this is to let off steam, not create more! 


 


I'll start you off with joke #1:


 


Q: Why do men chase after women they have no intention of marrying?


A: The same reason dogs chase after cars they have no intention of driving.


 


Sealed

The text you are quoting:

I've noticed a recent spate of argumentation between the ladies and gents of the glocals community, each seemingly intent on mocking the other and provoking some suuuuuper long threads. I have decided to step in as a peace-maker with a brilliant idea: a joke-off. The rules of this thread are very simple:


 


i) Provide a joke that mocks one of the genders


ii) The gender mocked MUST BE YOUR OWN (girls make fund of themselves, boys of themselves too!)


iii) If you don't like the jokes posted- you may retort with your own joke, however make sure you observe rule number ii)


 


If you don't like the thread or jokes posted, ask the person holding the gun to your head if you can switch to a different forum - remember this is to let off steam, not create more! 


 


I'll start you off with joke #1:


 


Q: Why do men chase after women they have no intention of marrying?


A: The same reason dogs chase after cars they have no intention of driving.


 


Sealed


G___Oct 11, 2012 @ 19:11
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 1
Oct 11, 2012 @ 23:00

Q: what is a chicken (women) thinking while she runs away from a rooster (man)


A: "hopefully i don't run too fast!"

The text you are quoting:

Q: what is a chicken (women) thinking while she runs away from a rooster (man)


A: "hopefully i don't run too fast!"


Merike, Oct 11, 2012 @ 23:00
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 2
Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:24
- How many men does it take to get a beer out of the fridge? 

- None. It's a woman's job!
The text you are quoting:
- How many men does it take to get a beer out of the fridge? 

- None. It's a woman's job!
Cécile V, Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:24
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 3
Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:27

One more... This two-pronged joke was told by an ROTC (Army) student of mine in a graduate course on rape & domestic violence (where most of his classmates believed he was dead serious):


- What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? 


- Nothing, you already told her twice.


- What do you call a woman with one black eye? 


- A quick learner.

The text you are quoting:

One more... This two-pronged joke was told by an ROTC (Army) student of mine in a graduate course on rape & domestic violence (where most of his classmates believed he was dead serious):


- What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? 


- Nothing, you already told her twice.


- What do you call a woman with one black eye? 


- A quick learner.


Cécile V, Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:27
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 4
Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:40

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?


A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. 

The text you are quoting:

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?


A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. 


G___, Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:40
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 5
Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:57

Ah, yes... In the same vein:


- Why are women such dreadful skiers?


- Because it never snows between the bedroom and the kitchen!

The text you are quoting:

Ah, yes... In the same vein:


- Why are women such dreadful skiers?


- Because it never snows between the bedroom and the kitchen!


Cécile V, Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:57
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 6
Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:02
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 25 mins.
 
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment.
 
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?  £1.25 a minute.
  
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
  
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
 
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
 
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.
 
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
 
Enjoy your Friday! Laughing
The text you are quoting:
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 25 mins.
 
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment.
 
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?  £1.25 a minute.
  
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
  
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
 
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
 
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.
 
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
 
Enjoy your Friday! Laughing
Rich, Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:02
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 7
Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:29

When does a man double in value - when he's pushing the shopping trolly

The text you are quoting:

When does a man double in value - when he's pushing the shopping trolly


martin, Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:29
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 8
Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:35

Q: How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?


A: Two - if you slice them very thinly. 

The text you are quoting:

Q: How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?


A: Two - if you slice them very thinly. 


G___, Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:35
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 9
Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:45

What's the difference between BSE and PMT?
One is mad cow disease while the other has something to do with beef


 


Getting a new girlfriend is like joining the army. You get a new haircut, new clothes and all information is given to you on a need to know basis.


 


Paddy was driving along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over.
"What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked.
"Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus.
"Ah, praise The Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

The text you are quoting:

What's the difference between BSE and PMT?
One is mad cow disease while the other has something to do with beef


 


Getting a new girlfriend is like joining the army. You get a new haircut, new clothes and all information is given to you on a need to know basis.


 


Paddy was driving along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over.
"What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked.
"Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus.
"Ah, praise The Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"


Fionnuala O, Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:45
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 10
Oct 12, 2012 @ 10:19

Q: How can you tell if a man is thinking about sex?


A: He's breathing.

The text you are quoting:

Q: How can you tell if a man is thinking about sex?


A: He's breathing.


Stephen G, Oct 12, 2012 @ 10:19
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 11
Oct 12, 2012 @ 10:53

All right...this one is so wrong that it really cracks me up...


 



The text you are quoting:

All right...this one is so wrong that it really cracks me up...


 


Lunali, Oct 12, 2012 @ 10:53
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 12
Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:10

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

The text you are quoting:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."


martin, Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:10
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 13
Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:40


The text you are quoting:

Charlie, Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:40
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 14
Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:37


The text you are quoting:

Merike, Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:37
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 15
Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:45

One of the minus sides of the modern worl is wifi, it is also available in kitchen.

The text you are quoting:

One of the minus sides of the modern worl is wifi, it is also available in kitchen.


Merike, Oct 12, 2012 @ 12:45
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 16
Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:06








The text you are quoting:

Cécile V, Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:06
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 17
Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:10

Pearls of wisdom, brought to you by George Carlin... As I go back to folding laundry and baking cookies...



The text you are quoting:

Pearls of wisdom, brought to you by George Carlin... As I go back to folding laundry and baking cookies...


Cécile V, Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:10
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 18
Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:30

A 3 year old boy is taking a bath with his mother one night, when he looks down at his midsection and ponders a while. Then he looks up at his mother and asks:


"Mummy, is that my brain?"


His mother smiles at him and replies "not yet my dear"

The text you are quoting:

A 3 year old boy is taking a bath with his mother one night, when he looks down at his midsection and ponders a while. Then he looks up at his mother and asks:


"Mummy, is that my brain?"


His mother smiles at him and replies "not yet my dear"


G___, Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:30
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Re: Battle of the sexes - Its a Joke-off!!
Post 19
Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:54

What do you do if a bird shits on your car?


Don't ask her out again.....

The text you are quoting:

What do you do if a bird shits on your car?


Don't ask her out again.....


Carolyn C, Oct 12, 2012 @ 13:54
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