of course men and women can be friends!

Yes Men and Women can be just friends depending on there interests and what brings them together.

this age old question was made very clear in the now famous film with meg ryan and billy chrystal, "When Harry Met Sally". if you've never seen it, go get it on video and have a great debate with all your friends. maybe this should be a Glocals event. and look out for the best scene now known as the "Big "O"

Here's a third man saying yes of course, to, so far, one woman saying no.

I find that any ambiguity is usually at the beginning of getting to know someone, and that once you've been friends for a while the idea of sexual contact is a bit, well, weird. Unless you're into her from the word go that is.

Men and women can easily be just friends (without benefits). 

It is more difficult (but still possible) for boys and girls.

(if you know what I mean)

I vote yes.  As steph-granny says, for boys and girls, it may be hard.  However, with a certain level of maturity and commitment, for sure.  It is also nice to have a friend with a completely different perspective, as it keeps objectivity.  As with all relationships, if a man and woman are both committed to the friendship, it can be a lifelong advantage, especially when you have the same interests.  Love and lust can be a product of your own psychology, so what you tell yourself can move your emotions.  I think, if both parties adhere to boundaries, a man and a woman can have a fruitful and fulfilling friendship without benefits or romantic feelings.

are you trying to say that EVERY MEN who becomes friends with will fall for you???

if the answer is no, than you could eventually be friends with a man!!!... well, unless you fall for every men you get to be friends with! :-)

It very ironic that yes a man a nd woman can be friends but then again they do say that if you want a relationship and marraige go for your best friend! The one you talk to, the one you call at any time of the day to tell how adventurous you were and how the weather sucks. Relationship experts say this is the kind of person who will guarantee to see you during your sun-set years compared to the other person you met the other day who makes your knees go tender!

But the questions is how do you draw the line? This is because friendship will NEVER be the same again once you bow down to the pressure of romance or lust.

Can a beast of prey be friendly? Yes, of course... as long as it's not hungry And no matter what kind of a hunger it is we are just following our instincts in getting things we lack for. A man and a woman can be perfect friends as long as they are successful in a satisfaction of wants.

Of course, men and women can be friends. The fact that I got some nice male friends from glocals is just the proof!

I think it depends on the level of friendship you want.

If it's just occasional meetings, joint activities, common interests etc. without getting too much personal then it can last for a long time without complications. But once you get too close, once you begin sharing some personal stuff with each other especially your emotions, feelings (what women like to do with their female-friends) I think that's it, your friendship is f**ked, literally :)

I agree with you and....respectfully disagree with you. Actually, it depends on the situation.

My wife of 31 years is my best friend, confidante, all the things you refer to above. However, I think a great deal of the friendship, mututal respect and understanding we have for each other, was developed through our marriage. Raising a family and coping with the normal things that adulthood (is that a real word?) throw at us, was/is a challenging adventure. But romance stays alive and plays a very important role in further cementing our relationship. (And, she still makes me weak in the knees!).

To your question, I can say that I have many female friends. And, to your point, the line is drawn in each of those relationships.

A man and a woman can be truly friends, without any hidden ideas, believe me. I have a lot of male friends, and I'm not talking about just being buddies. Real close friends.

But then, if you or your friend starts being physically attracted by the other one, that is when it gets tricky. Because if you go out together and break up, your friendship will never be exactly the same afterwards. Fair chance it will be screwed up (past experiences).

If you start being attracted by her/him, it means s/he is not just a friend, but a potential girl/boyfriend. Better be clear with limits.

(Damn, bloody "post" button!)

  I think:

unless, they are brother and sister or he is homosexual, a pure (without any sexual meaning)friendship between a man and a woman is not possible. 

A physical attraction is essential and inalienable part of any close relation between a man and a woman, even if this relation is totally spiritual (they are just friends).

My thoughts and some background.

Normally a question like this would kick start my humour gland. However, it still scares the shit out of me that people need to ask it. So this is me being serious.

Point 1: I am straight (i.e. not Gay)

Point 2: Most of my best friends are girls - many very attractive girls

Point 3: Not had trouble NOT trying to sleep with them

Being friends with women should be, and clearly can be rewarding for both. Whether you like it or not each has a different perspective and so has a lot to bring to the friendship.

When do do finally enter the "perfect" relationship with someone it will almost always involve a solid friendship. Of course some people can never see beyond faces, waists and arses.

The few times I have seen a guy become the "hunted", more often than not they feel uncomfortable and do not enjoy the experience - strange huh! It is a shame that there is no feedback loop for that specific experience.

Anyway, women are amazing. They can offer us advice, insights (leading to perhaps acrobatics with other women), sympathy, and more a more fun drinking partners.

Of course we can be friends - the best kind.

so, that would work out well if they were both ugly!!! :-)

i believe it is sad that so many people think men and women can be just friends if they control their urges! it is ridiculous. i have many male friends, some of whom i love to death and am so close to, however, a sexual relationship with them has never crossed my mind! and i am certain they feel the same way about me. in fact, im sure for most of them it would feel incestuous as we are close in a family kind of way. i feel sorry for the person that firstly questions this, and secondly believes it is impossible, as you are ruling out good friendships with half the population!

Helpful - I now reserve the right to go back to my usual flippant self (apologies if I used too many big words) :)

A Story of a doomed relationship:

Man meets woman.

Man fakes friendship.

Man gets drunk and offers his limited attributes to said woman in horizontal form.

Woman not tempted and knows she has been lied to.

Woman says "Piss off" and finds new man with better attributes.

Old Man becomes gay because no woman is interested in his limited attributes.

Man dies old and sad with a sore arse but a significantly improved wardrobe 

Yeah!....she is lucky, come to think of it. I think I'll go remind her!

Wait - whiskey first.....

Nothing is black or white in this world, shades of grey make it so much more interesting.

I have friends of both sexes, and they bring me different things.

In fact, I find it great to have female friends, for they generally give me better advices than my male friends on some topics (...).

It can become tricky though when you find a real soul mate, with whom you share so much in common and if on top there is physical mutual attraction... not easy to resist. But then you should weight what is more important, for crossing the border might make you lose for ever this great friendship, or become your life-long love story. 

Not easy...

it goes without saying...yes. unless one is mentally unbalanced(in which case he/she might be useful as guinea pig), he/she can not be (sexually) interested in every man/woman around

Back to Maria's original post - define "just". 

I have wonderful male friends who I adore to bits but would never sleep with (solely because I don't fancy them - or they're married, or "taken" - power to the sisterhood and all that) and I have wonderful male friends who I would (and have) quite happily sleep with (lets be honest here and use the term "shag" as we all know we don't mean sharing a very nice set of matching duvet covers and pillowcases) as they're NOT married or taken and I fancied a lovely night in the comfort of his arms. It was simply a mutual benefit situation - forget the "without benefits" nonsense - who's benefiting - who's not??  Its always a "mutual" benefit and if its not - you're in the wrong room!

Some guys I've HAVE shagged have turned out to be the best friends I've ever had and some guys I HAVEN'T shagged have turned out to be the best friends I've ever had. 

Its not an exact science and you just have to go with your instincts and trust yourself and be true to yourself before trusting, and, being true to, others.

We're all grown ups here (that's why we're allowed to have sex in the first place, remember) so take responsibility for your actions.   Do what is best for the greater good of all and hurt no-one - everything else is allowed. 

And stop reading the gossip colums and watching crap films like "When Harry met Sally" and thinking its "real".  Its not!  If you know what you're doing is "wrong" - then stop it at once (I have!) if you know what you're doing is "right" then carry on doing it (I have!) - none of us are here to be judged.   Just have a huge bunch of love to give out - some of it may be sexual (get over yourselves and have some happy times!) some of it may not be sexual (hey! happy times as well!)

Phew!

Of course women and men can be just friends.

No dear, at 90 %

;-D

No idea, really. it depends from case to case - the utter truth is women are much less interesting compared to men. They are prettier/attractive, but if when it comes to the real thing, boring! Because they're more emotional, think too hard are too hard on themselves. A lot of problems which don't really exist except for in their heads.

So why, why would a man not married to a woman have to put up to this? you figure it out ;)!

I'm not saying they cannot be friends. they can.. I just don't see why they should :)...

If I were to say no, men and women can't just be friends, then next time I go to an event every woman I speak to is going to think I'm trying to sleep with them. So yeah, of course they can.

oh la la! I don't know whether to laugh or cry after reading your post. (that was rhetorical)

I can only kindly suggest next time you write about the "utter truth" and/or make other similar affirmations you give it a better thought first.

You are beautiful according to your picture, but according to your writing you are trying a little bit too much to be an interesting diva. Which in itself is perfectly fine with me, except that in this case you are throwing half of the world's population in the equation. And it's not a well-posed problem.

On another note, there is the saying: Birds of a feather flock together...  

'nuff said

It seems that here, on this forum,  friendship is confused with socializing....

on forums it always is :)

I had already offered my perspective and was happy to see this little debate evaporate. However after seeing your quote I need to jump back in.

I am assuming that perhaps something tough impacted you recently. But you need to first take a step back and see you own comments in context. You have just undermined every woman on the planet and that is clearly not appropriate.

Emotions can be positive as well as negative. Woman remain the main support for children across the world. Their emotions defend the rights of their children. Their emotions represent motherhood in all its majesty.

Yes peer pressure requires woman to conform to certain norms i.e. weight, looks, brands. Some people can deal with this kind of pressure better than others.

Men are not normally referred to as pretty (at least not in my social circle) but they have their own bucket full of issues - do not get me started on that one.

People have so many attributes that are NOT defined by their gender. Many woman I have met are real bitches out for their own gain no matter the hurt they cause. But most are the opposite. Not all men are bastards either.

There are people out here worthy of friendship. I hope you manage to find some - or perhaps they find you.

Good luck

Dianac's point is interesting. is it a coincidence that 50% of the population is consigned to the less interesting bracket? When mathematically, exactly 50% of the population is less interesting than the average? A whole 50% -- it's amazing. This is certainly a close shave with Occam's razor and a testable hypothesis. Is it a conspiracy of nature? I think not. One must also remember that women consistently underperform in comparison to me(n) in standardised IQ testing and 3D spatial awareness, and are also under-represented in high-level academic appointments, politics, and in the corporate sector. Yet women are numerically over-represented by a factor of five to one -- men are in fact an endangered species (1) -- with respect to men in the general population.

It can't be a coincidence, can it? Is it just a matter of standards. IQ tests, for example, just assess the competence of the testee in solving the problems on the IQ test. Something typically set up by men. Generalising the results to a more abstract form is a minefield. Likewise, then, it may be better to reassess our definitions of "interesting" and "worthwhile" in order to give the weaker sex a fair bite of the cherry.

OOOOOH  Please, girls stop saying "women are annoying"!!!! It is getting really annoying...!!!!

Back to the topic!!!!

right!  but not as bossy as men

Not only can women and men just be friends, they can also just be friends that regularly or occasionally have sex with each other. Swedish call it knullkompis, Japanese call it sekusu komadachi (so I have been told), in English I've heard "f*** buddy". I bet that equivalents exist in French and German too.

Never been in such a situation myself and I would reckon it can be quite emotionally precarious, but I also bet it's possible and happens all the time.

well said matt

I often asked myself this question, I like to say YES we can be friends, but I'm sure we've all lived the experience where one of the two starts to fall for the other one , then what do you do... hurt the other ones feelings? tough one! Harry and Sally is a good example. 

an answer to the inital question is as individual as each of us. it all goes back to the definition of friendship. i think i could fill many lines about this subject, however, my answer is definitely a YES!

and now, it is pretty obvious why the male forum participants say : YES, they can

.... exactly.

WOW i think this is fantastic and agree totally.... My two best mates are male and i love them both dearly (for very different reasons hahaha)

The point about being adult is also extremely relevant.. take responsibility for yourself and dont blame messy situations on the fact that men and women cant be friends....

Will disagree with one point though... I like when harry met sally hahahahaha... just dont necessarily agree with it

jen

x

I have many women friends they are just friends never shagged :) so it depends of coz they can be just friend,

ahahah, I didn't say antything about 50%, I only said women are less interesting than men, not all women being less interesting than all men. That would certainly not be true, I agree with you

it's funny how my post was seen a sort of insult - not that I'm surprised, jumping to conclusion is much easier than actually reading and eventually asking questions. If we consider my post in the context of the discussed subject, it's nothing than another pov.

To me, chosing a friend is similar to chosing a playmate as a kid. you want someone like you or at least relaxed, chilled, fun. If you tell me that generally speaking, women working/having a career in this town are relaxed, chilled, care free and fun, then I want to move to your planet! I believe women have it much harder generally speaking, which makes them unhappier.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcus-buckingham/whats-happening-to-womens_b_289511.html

Add this to the fact that women/or should I say driven women/ are making a whole lot more sacrifices, this leaves one little time and disposition for those things generally considered interesting. Like touring the word, discovering a new continent and climbing the highest mountain (I got carried away again ). Hence the uninteresting conclusion.

now, does this prevent men and women from being friends - as in no ulterior reasons? I have my doubts. I'm not saying that they cannot be friends, I'm saying that looking at reality as it is (no wishful thinking) prevents one from getting unnecesarily hurt, that's all.

Huh. Can anyone think of a more heteronormative question? But then again - got people to chat...

Heteronormative sounds like a fantastic word, I must say, as a non-native English speaker, it sounds asolutely delicious! My task this week is to make up sentences to use it!

Question: can a haircut be heteronormative?

I totally agree with you and with the guy who was quoting how you define a sexual friendship in different languages.

As humans we evolved (also culturally) way beyond having sex exclusively for reproduction purposes and to form a family that raises the children, whatever the Pope and his colleagues from other religions might say (They are not supposed to know about the issue, by the way! Why do they go on wanting to set the rules about it?). 

Sex is something to be enjoyed and the only prerequisite for it is mutual respect (that is needed, I would say, also for a healthy friendship).

When it also becomes part of a wider mutual commitment/relation/life together the implications become certainly different and even the way you live sex evolves (not necessarily badly! Not necessarily at all!).

Therefore I repeat: IMHO  two adults (not eteronormative expression) can be just friends. And I will add: whether they happen to have sex or not.

As long as there is mutual respect, two adults can be friends even if one would like to have sex and the other doesn't, because if you are not a spoiled kid you can accept a "No, thanks" as answer and you don't make friends to obtain somethin in exchange (whatever the idiots following the Hobbesianism might think).

Hey,

Every question has a purpose and asked in a context. This particular question is usually asked when you have a "friend" who wants to sleep with you and you don't, or you want to sleep with a "friend" and not sure they will comply. So the answer totally depends on what you want

Ok, to be serious for a second. Being concepts, "love" and "friendship" are never materialized in the real world, as well as "democracy", "capitalism", etc, etc. In practice there is always a mixture of different concepts in an every real relationship, so it's up to people involved how to drive it for the best. I'd just suggest never to set the boundaries in advance. That's what I'm trying to do myself.

Kidding again. With the modern trend to total bisexual society, the question I'd like to avoid every time I meet a new person (male or female) - hey, are you going to sleep with me or what?!

Best regards,
Greg

When the question says "can", it's saying "is this possible". Fact is that people are so different that almost anything is possible. Those who say "no" are taking their own particular point of view and applying it globally, which is both arrogant and one of those things I find really annoying.

If you can't be friends with someone whose gender your sexual orientation favours (thanks kvala), then you are missing out on a lot of excellent people. If you you can't be friends with such people because you think they are all on the brink of being besotted by you then you are just insanely narcissistic!

Digression (sorry):
I must disagree with Thlan, love and friendship are labels that we pragmatically apply to various phenomena that have things in common with each other. They aren't Ideas that only exist on a perfect level of existence only accessible by the mind, never to be "materialised".

Yes, they can be ...... if every one of them has his own lover...........

can men and women be friends? good question...i say yes and no! depends who the woman is and how badly u want her!:-)

questions just keep geting better and better!:-)

 to be honest, i dont want anything or anyone too badly in life cause if i do i usually land flat with my face! ouuuch that hurts

the best advice i ever got from a woman in my life was when she actually told me: "mate, just go with the flow" bingo the apple finally hit my head, and i see the ray of light!

trust yourself and your intuition...

Go watch When Harry meets Sally!

even a better one! go watch "whatever works" by woody allen...a genuis that guy...

The answer to the question is simply, "Of course they can." :-)

From my perspective, if I am not attracted to a woman in one or multiple ways, I probably wouldn't be spending a lot of my limited free-time with them to begin with. There's nothing wrong with being a guy and finding your female friends to be attractive, beautiful, interesting, awesome, etc..., because they are!

Whether something happens or not depends on the situation, people, timing, etc... Such is life.

The key to life is learning how to handle those situations. (I'm still learning)

Cheers

thanx 4 repeating my point: just go with the flow........

just to give my humble point of view - i actually think it also has a lot to do with the mentality (and hence nationality) of the guys (and girls)..there are countries/cultures where the relationship bewteen the sexes is very equal and respectful and where opposite sex friendships are normal. and then there are other cultures where there is still a real gap between men and women and therefore it's not so easy to bridge the gap and be just friends..

having lived in a few different cultures i have to say that i find switzerland to be part of the latter category...most men i meet here are definitely not interested in just being friends with women.

yeah in sweden there is no gap..u r right but in the rest of the planet there is!!:-))

ok i'm not trying to say men and women are equals as in the same as in there's no gap...but it depends on the way the society views platonic relationships.. whether there is even a concept of meeting people mainly for the purpose of connecting with an interesting person and maybe learning something new, getting a different perspective or whatever, regardless of whether that person is male or female. in spain for example that is totally the case. here it feels like no one's ever really thought of it that way...

i know why its like this here..but im certainly not gonna explain it here!!:-) i just may explain it 2 u someother time and someother place...

Of course it is possible. Well... we need to make a distinction between what is "possible" and whether it is relatively easy/difficult to for men and women to be friends.

It is very difficult for a man and woman to be friends, though not impossible. Usually making friends is very difficult, for true friendship requires a very deep bond to be formed between two people. Often when people say they have a lot of friends, what they actually mean is that they have a lot of acquitances. In fact for most people its extermely difficult to have ten or even five (true) friends. When people say friends, they really mean acquitances.

For two people to be "friends", in the full meaning of that word, they need to form a deep emotional bond, while at the time, for it not too become sexually intimate, when they are of different genders (I am assuming straight people here) and this is hard.

Also, there are many other complexities. Imagine man A and woman B are very close friends and they do what friends usually do, go to the movies, go for coffee, go shopping, play sports regularly... If they are that close, and they spend a lot of time together (as friends)... how will their partner's react? Even if there is nothing sexual occuring, I think it is a difficult for their partners to accept it.

Yes definitely agree with this deduction.  I have also lived in a number of cultures and have found male-female friendships can be very different depending on where you are. Not managed to make any males friends in Switzerland unless homosexual.  France is also a very ambigious place.  USA, UK, Spain, South Africa and Australia seem to be different.

Though most male friends do admit to the fact there is also a possibility for something else - whereas I think that once a woman has decided a guy is a friend it stops there.

Also moving from a relationship to a friendship can be blurred.  How to stay friends without the benefits...particularly when the relationship ends in a neutral way...physical attraction is the hardest to deny...

But I must say..,having male friends is awesome...we need both men and women in our lives.   Romantic relationships are great but sometimes you need another confident from the opposite sex. 

I added my own thoughts to this when the thread first started but it is such a great subject I wanted to add a little more.

From experience men and women can be friends - in some cases best friends. It is about chemistry and initially of course attraction. But in this case the attraction can be for reasons other than horizontal entertainment.

People and cultures are of course different and both sexes can misinterpret actions based on their own cultures. Some Latins just can't keep their hands off people - however this does not mean "I want to sleep with you" it is just in their nature. On the other hand hands-on means just the opposite.

When you meet someone and you like them, it is up to you to figure out why - is it sex based or something else. I am lucky in that most of my women friends are good looking, but lucky for me they are also a great fun and open. I know my intentions.

Fair to say however that a lot of guys are in it for the baser reasons - If you in doubt raise it up and see if their interest disappears (along with their presence) or if they stay. That will tell you a lot.

But lets not try to over complicate it. People have been getting on for a long time without so much analysis. As was said earlier just go with the flow, keep your mind open and be true to your own values. Also do not be afraid to raise the taboo question - why do you like me?