Of course.

Men are very good at handling emotional or crying women, as long as its not their own wife or gf.. that seems to change the dynamic of the whole thing. 

In my opinion..

Men will often give you a more pragmatic response than a woman.. tend to try and solve the problem

A woman is more likely to just listen and be sympathetic..

 Honest anwer

Can you give an example?

A man with his gonads intact might provide a very different solution from what most of us are accustomed to hearing.  Just a fair warning. 

I agree that wives and g/f's are not the best testing grounds for a mans ability (or patience) to handle the emotional rollercoaster... since theyre often the cause...

friends however  yes we listen... and listen.. and give the most honest answer we can...

If the dynamics are more complex.... or if they change "post advice"... then again rules change.

in every situation there is often a easy answer... and a simple outcome... often however the girls choose the more...errr... windy roads.

(it a bit like shopping really... men know what they want..walk directly in and buy...women however have to visit every shop in the immediate 3 km radius, to a) see if there is a better bargain, and b) to just look. and c) then when they do buy they are unsure if its better than the original choice.. sigh...)

I would do this for most of my friends, and I think the girls who I am good friends with prefere to talk to me rather than anyone else.

I think that there is some problem in a relationship if you dont feel that your husband or bf can do this for you.

I  dont think ALL men are alike just as ALL women are not alike 

I do think though that if you choose pretty boys then you might be 

disappointed.

My view is that no one likes you when you are crying and complaining 

but if you need advice i have always prefered men, i have good guy friends

and i value their opinions

I would prefer to  talk to a guy and perhaps because i have always 

gotten along with men better, had a great father etc 

maybe because i am more the dog type than cat type..

the problem is that we tend to choose our men not based on having 

a great personality always so as boyfriends they tend to surprise and run 

away if you act like a lunatic .

Would you want a guy that cries on your shoulder? ask yourself how you would feel ?

In an intimate relationship men and women tend to expect the other person 

to be strong powerful etc at the beginning , once they show weaknesses 

the other side wants to bail out , however if you go for a person with a great

personality and not look at muscles, physical attraction, how tall they are

then perhaps you just might date your best friend

I hope you dont mind the lecturing.. 

Some can.  I do not think it is necessarily a gender-based trait. Some people do not have the capacity to deal with emotional situations.

I think it also depends upon the type of "emotional support" needed.  If you have any doubts about the guy, don't share.

If it's an on-going issue, go to a well-qualified psychiatrist.

Thanks for all your answers!

It appears that it actually makes a difference if it's the gf/spouse having the emotional rollercoaster (nice experession) or just a good friend. If I remember the guys who I discussed with for hours they were the potential ones but not yet bf.

Charlie, what do you mean by "If the dynamics are more complex.... or if they change "post advice"... then again rules change."?

Why Men Shouldn’t Write Advice Columns

Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with our neighbors daughter! I am 32 and my husband is 34 and the neighbors daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won’t go to counseling, and I’m afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help ?

Sincerely Sheila.

Reply

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps.

John

ok let me clarify...

When a g/f or wife (ex - he he) is emotionally upset, often but not always, the cause is something the b/f or husband has alledgedly done...hence its pointless that male trying to give emotional support... apart from begging forgiveness or apologising (often for something he hasnt done at all)....

If the cause is not the male in question then of course emotional support and a shoulder to cry on is a pre requisite... goes without saying.

As a freind offering support , often I have given my views, calmed the person down, agreed a course of action.... and then suddenly the girl thinks of another reason to be upset... a tangent...an irrelevance... in this case the male is thrown totally off key, and can offer more support...but if this happens many times in a row, i admit my patience wears thin and its best to ship the lovely thing off to the psychiatrist for professional help...a man can do more damage if he tries(untrained)  to help further.

ive helped many girls with understanding what husbands or b/f s have done, and have given honest and impartial advice... mind you so many times things get blown out of proportion... and when the fog clears so does the problem...  but some girls sadly just feel that everything a guy does is bad or against her... not so often the case and often that has a simple answer.

Helping emotionally with things like dead pets, grannies, lost friends, films that have touched a sore point etc etc... thats easy, and just requires patience and shoudler to cry on and understanding...

understanding things like rape, or sexual abuse, or beatings... these things need patience, understanding and professional help. Without a doubt.

hope thios is clearer.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

It's exactly that. Thank, Free (grin grin)

Thanks for clarifying Charlie! Is it possible that man easily take an emotional "rollercoaster" of their partner as an offense and feel guilty?
(Try to be a woman for a day to check out how it feels emotionaly).

not emotionaly but hormonaly (have to tun)

ok men dont have those hormones... so its impossible for them to understand it completely. Plus each woman has different effects to hormone imbalances...

I dont pretend to understand....

Some men, however have their own emotional rollercoasters.... some are indifferent and un emotional...

Im guessing the ideal for a woman is one who is in between...

Midlife crisis for women means hormone imbalance and emotional stress...

Midlife crisis for men means motor bikes, fast cars and young(er) women with long legs...

Life is a bitch, but at least in this area MEN were dealt the proper cards by God.

perfect example.

great work by Free!  emotional support doesn't mean the woman has to be a lunatic; it's simple things, like being curious about how she feels or holding her hand when she's down.  and yes, some men can, they are prizes!

there are many men who are good supportive. but the thing is sometimes otherperson becomes so annoying that. it becomes hard to handle. 

I have to admit I prefer to go to my male friends for advice and support because they tend to see things 'as they are' without involving much emotion about a situation.  My female friends on the other hand tend to over analyse situations and make them more complicated than need be.

And I agree with the comments about if a woman gets too moany - guys just find it annoying and give up. And that's whether he is your friend or not. 

Most of my male friends can handle a depressed/crying girl quite well but they have their limits.  And I would too if a male friend was depressed and crying all the time.

I also think that an other half shouldn't be expected to be there 100% in an emotional way for a person because you need friends outside of a relationship for different kinds of support/friendship.  I think it helps to keep your own relationship healthy with your partner.

Just my opinion but hope it helps :o)

"the problem is that we tend to choose our men not based on having a great personality always so as boyfriends they tend to surprise and run away if you act like a lunatic." (star)

A most sensible solution :p

Of course men can provide emotional support to women, just as, by the way, women can provide emotional support to men…

If you need emotional support, SAY it. We cannot always guess someone else’s distress, and that’s not necessarily because we do not pay attention. We also have our own issues and our level of awareness is not always 120%, neither is it always set on your wavelength.

Take ownership of your own demand. If you are not able to helm your own boat, which can happen any time to anyone, men or women, at least give directions instead of expecting your friend to guess your concerns. That will make his life much easier and consequently yours as well.

Make sure you tell him what kind of emotional support you need: Someone to just listen (I need to talk, but please don’t say a word), to help us find a solution (I need your help to find a way out a difficult situation), someone just to “be there for us” (Hey, how about going out for a drink? I need to take my mind off things), to give us courage or energy (I’ve got that interview tomorrow, and I need you to comfort me), to help us face a difficult situation (I don’t know how to handle that)… For short, be explicit!

If the guy does not understand tell him he’s going the wrong way instead of getting angry at him. There no surer turnoff to an emotional support attempt than “you just don’t get it…” followed by a killer "again!"

And last but not least, do not forget that no one can jump over the obstacles of your life for you. No matter how bad you feel, it is your responsibility to grasp a helping hand. The guy may pull as hard as he can, but he can do nothing if you don't make the steps that will get you out of that mess… That applies to indiscriminately to men and women...

In my view, the most important is to find a man or woman who will really take the time to listen. It's true that nobody will really solve the issue of the person facing difficulties, but if this person is able to formulate his/her worries, it can help a lot for thinking more clearly, because the communication requires more logical thinking and putting the ideas in order.

Speaking out about some worries can therefore help the person speaking even if the listener does not say a word. It's probably why the psychologists dont speak too much, in order to help the "client" to find his/her own solutions. A good listener, is probably someone who does not judge and who does not try to impose his/her own solutions.

sorry ,

this reply haunted my thoughts and i thought this is such an illusion 

Yes, midlife crisis for women means hormone imbalance B UT and this is something wise men and women know 

it means women in their 40s are at their sexual peak and so it is actually 

GOOD news if women and men  are wise  enough to aknowledge that

Also something i have been hearing from wise men and women 

is that older women are more confident, know what they want better, 

and have a better grip on their lives therefore being better companions 

better lovers and better friends than young women who are unsure, worried 

about having beating the biological clock, identity issues, and just not 

really able to be their for their men as much as older women 

there fore there is actually a market, if you can put it in these terms, for older 

women too, not every guy wants a young chick 

actually the men i know are seeking partners rather than play mates

and would feel terribly uncomfortable around women who dont know 

who the beatles are and who can not relate to the music, culture, ideas

they know, and who might still be living at home , or still struggling with 

standing on their own two feet.

Older women may have times of hormone imbalance but there are fantastic 

herbal cures , exercise and with the right life style and attention older women 

rock and are much more interesting , intriguing and people of experience 

who have life experience and a lot more to offer than a young girl in a short skirt

Furthermore there are men out there who do not find the sexiest part

of the women her leggs but her mind and heart,

and though yes, there are men who seek strippers, and young girls to play

with there are men out there who seek interesting partners who offer them

deeper insight to life, someone they can learn with and from and who enrich their lives and add to their lives meaningful experiences

and yes, there is always the ability to love that grows and deepens

and is more mature, more intense and more mature

so there 

Note to Self

Dear Charlie

Please remember that there is always someone out there who may take the crap you write seriously!

Best

Charlie

Note to Self

p,s. Stick with the legs.....

Star: are you a women? This is the most "in-tune" with women posting I have ever heard! :-)

Thanks Free! Would you agree to:

"I feel so miserable and just need to 'talk it out'. Would you be able to just listen to me for the next three minutes"?

By saying "Would you be able to just listen to me for the next three minutes"? you take a risk:
1) “You” puts the focus on him, which may throw him off balance
2) “able” challenges his ability to listen, which is a good way to get his compassionate attention.

To express yourself, especially when it is emotionally engaging, start your sentences with “I” IMHO "I feel so miserable and just need to 'talk it out' but please don’t say a word” would be a better approach. Now, chances are that he is going to try to help anyway by making suggestions. If you can’t handle that, put a finger on his lips, kiss him gently and say “shhhh…. I just need to talk” with a big smile. If it’s just a friend, put your finger on your lips and a hand on his arm and say the same.

A quick word about your comment “It appears that it actually makes a difference if it's the gf/spouse having the emotional rollercoaster  or just a good friend” That’s quite normal: It is much easier to keep a distance and stay cool minded with someone with whom you are not emotionally engaged.

Hope this helps.

Correction:

By saying "Would you be able to just listen to me for the next three minutes"? you take a risk:
1) “You” puts the focus on him, which may throw him off balance
2) “able” challenges his ability to listen, which is NOT a good way to get his compassionate attention.

Thanks for all your constructive answers: I really appreciate. Just a reflection:

If I see an injured person who is suffering from pain the most common reaction would maybe not:

"Don't moan, you were just hit by a car and the pain will leave soon. There is no use even taking even note of it, there are people suffering even more than you.The solution is to just wait for three days until the pain is over and meanwhile see the doctors.

Emotional pain - at least for me - can feel like physical one and what really helps is a hug or a close friend listening and being sympathetic.

Cant speak for all women, but normally when I am upset, I just want the oppurtunity to be upset.. I dont necessarily want you to try and solve it, just allow a nurturing environment where I can express myself.  (initially)

The best is the guy who combines the pragmatic solving attitude, but understands first he should just listen and be sympathetic..  Once we are allowed to vent our frustrations we are normally much more in a problem solving mood..

Just let us get the intiail emotional unreasonable stuff out first ;)

....ever notice how women talk n talk until they have something to say ? ;-)

That's a common reaction, you're right, Rena, but it's plain BS. Someone I'm in pain, does not care whether there are other people suffering more than they do. All they want is to be taken care of, not being ignored as in your example. If you want relate to someone, you have to show some sort of empathy by acknowledging his/her suffering: "You've been hit by a car, and I understand that it hurts like hell. It's normal for you to maion, but be aware that it will go away with time." And, yes, definitely, emotional pain can feel like a physical one to the extent that pain killer such as Tylenol can help!

For what is worth: in general, not many people listen these days. Neither men nor women. If you find a person that listens to you and gets you enough to help you get through whatever hard times you may be facing, mind not their gender and cherish them. They are a gift and are not to be found by the dozen, though you may find them in the least expected places. 

Of course not all men are the same...its a cultural and geographic issue (in my understanding) as to whether a man is likely or not to listen to a girl who is upset.

In northern Europe and the US, you may get a sympathetic ear.... depends on upbringing I think...

In the countries surrounding the Med, the Middle east and in Africa you'd probably get a slap and told to stop whinging...

yes star, mid life for women is their sexual peak. Lot of bfs/husbands  here do not appreciate that. The consequnce lots of frustrated and sex women who want to explore themselves and do things their bfs/husbands would not do.

Meanwhile bfs/husbands paying 20 year olds.

Unfortunately a lot of it about in Switzerland

It's such a shame that women reach their sexual peak at the point when they are loosing their looks.

(Equally just to be fair and , before anyone says it, that men alledgedly reach theirs at the point/age they mostly dont know what to do with it.)

The stark daylight reality of it is that if youre 1.5m high and 1.5m wide with breasts down to your knees frankly I couldnt care less if youre hitting your sexual peak or not...

Mind you to counter this broad generalisation I will openly admit there are some "yummy mummies" out there...who probably get more attention than they want.

Note to Self

Please remember that there is always someone out there who may take the crap you write seriously!

yep... it was a generalisastion... I too have lived in Africa...6 years...been to school there, and have lived in 20 different countries over my uneventful life...

What I can say however is that there is a level of inherant machismo that is dominant in most of the areas that I mentioned, with different attitudes towards women and how they behave towards men..

if you re read my comment, rather than jump on it, you will realise that it was not a "racist" comment, but an obsevation based on geography, and it was a generalisation....

(And no I have never slapped a woman, for any reason.... just in case you thought i was advocating that as well)

i too have never slapped a woman for any reason...but i did shake one until her left eye came out for a specific one!

x

Thanks for your feedback Damien!

Of course: I should have called it "To what extend can men provide...."

Cheers,

It'd be a completely different answer if you asked did they provide emotional support for other men..

"Mate she's not worth it, and I'll have a pint" is the stock answer..

Yes, certainly, some men can provide the emotional support you need. But there are many "factors" that you need to take into account before asking for an advice/help, such as:

1 - his relationship towards you (f.e. if he's a true friend and nothing more, then go ahead. If he's taking a changing position towards you, let's say, between a friend and and someone "more than a friend", then I think it's better not to ask him for an advice/help)

2 - his wisdom. I've heard a saying which says: You may have 20 and be wiser than a man who's 50. So, you should judge yourself, whether the person is wise enough. Do not hurry to run to someone who's older you. Sometimes, younger people can give a much better emotional support you may need.

3 - willingness of the person to spend his time for you. If you have a 'neutral" wise friend who's not going to spend his time to listen to your problem, then save your time.

4 - + there are many other "factors" depending on your situation, your personality. For example, if you're a difficult person to get along with or let's say stubborn, then you might need somebody who has enough self-confidence and persistence to listen to you, offer his solutions to your problem and make sure that you adopt one of them when he sees that you are really in need of help (but, again, for this you need to find a reliable person). Of course, this support shall be given in a respectable manner.

Good luck.

R.

what have i to apologise about? I wasnt racist? ......

(pfff typical woman)

ps... I stopped constantly apologising for things i havent done with my second wife....

she didnt like that.... hence I'm no longer married!

Yep, you see you could still be married, just keep the money coming in, have no opinion and excuse yourself when you are wrong or rather told you are wrong.

Charlie: how were you racist? I didn't get it...

i have met a few guys who can actually...

The memories start where the hurt stops...

Got your point. So all my men/women theories worthless?

Or do you want to state that despite being a man you are a good listener (Frauenversteher as we say in German)?

well...but to me usually when you need emotional support you want to feel better faster right??and usually guys make me happier somehow when they talk becuase they tend to joke alot and make you forget about those sad things...^^

so i usually prefer to talk to guys if i do feel down..but girls are better for just ranting out your feelings as the other girl you're talking to will be ranting along as well so the conversation usually will last really long and you will better eventually as well...to me both sex give different kind of support...both has the disadvantages and the advantages...

Rena 

I have read a lot of what was written here, you started an interesting subject on gender differences and yes, it was a pandora box bringing out a lot of outdated ideas.

II have to say it again, i have been very fortunate to have met very sensitive and kind men in my family and outside the family circle 

unfortunately i was not married to one of those great guys nor had the pleasure of having had such a great guy as a life partner ( yet) 

however i want to encourage you to be very selective with the belief that yes, there are great guys out there, of course no one is a saint and every human being has their limits but i do believe that men can be supportive and kind but not always to women they live with and not without limits 

I think that if a woman has issues with hormones there are ways to treat that with the help of a medical professional or expert on herbal solutions

I do think that one should not expect a macho man to support anything 

and by macho man i mean men who see a woman as a doll or plaything that has an expiration date around thirty.

wise Women are like wine, they improve with age, and so do  wise men 

Inner beauty works so that it defies wrinkels and whatever aging signs there are

Many women look better older than younger, they exercise, eat right, take care of themselves, stay away from negative energy and macho men and then they are like flowers opening up

I can tell you about my late grandmother who at 80 received flowers from men who admired her

she was a small woman, nothing you would call a classic beauty, no long leggs or long eyelashes or anything but she had tons of charm and wit and a winning smile

I agree with Dr., Ruth, the famous American expert on human sexuality that the sexiest part of a human being is their mind 

and heart , so choose the right guy and you will get the support but first of all be that strong woman you can be because women are definitely the stronger gender

men would not be able to give birth, raise children or go through the pain of always being there while the other side goes through puberty

women go through a change of life to become more mature, more aware, more giving 

men go through a change of life to either go back to being teenagers who play with toys or to go on to become wise men who can listen and support their women and their families 

you have to be wise to tell the difference between those two basic  types out there 

 Good luck 

excuse the long answer, it is a subject i  had given a lot of thought since you brought it up 

Thanks Star, I appreciate and it's two people who form a couple. And if some negative things have happened in the relationship there is less will to support each other.

As a friend said recently: You have to handle a relationship as professional as a job.

But it would be nice to just return home and have the perfect partner at every time who just fullfills your needs.  

Only God can and - note to self - you are responsible for finding satisfaction in life yourself first before blaming the poor guys....

Rena

yes, stand strong 

like the lines from the song 

"I am woman hear me roar" 

women are the stronger gender, guys can have patience and gentle ways 

but at the end nature created women as the ones carrying the babies 

and caring for them and having the hormones of nurturing 

though some males have been blessed with an ability to care and love 

there are other males who can only mate and hunt 

so at the end i would say yes, if you believe in god, yes, love him 

but we are human beings and we need other human beings but god 

or nature or whatever higher force has given us the ability to choose 

we have to be strong and if we want to be weak we should probobly 

find several good friends not overload one or two and choose  very carefuly who to share our secrets with 

online sharing has limited satisfaction and ultimately you will so the weirdos 

coming out of the woodwork attacking and using ugly language and painting an ugly reality

but it is up to you ultimately whether you make your life beautiful and spiritual 

and full of love or whether you choose badly the same paths that lead you 

to disappointments 

and you got to stand strong and search  for what is your right to live a good life 

and be loved by good people 

peace light and love to you 

personally i believe that my yoga teacher is where it is at 

he gives me one hour of peace and harmony and love shared with a room 

full of other women , no sex involved but we all come out radiating light

feeling good and happy 

i think that is the kind of guy you would for sure find happiness with 

more than that is hard to find and keep 

short term affection yes

long term support-the yoga teacher, pay him, share him and enjoy 

no where else 

Glad to see you back in shape Charlie

Always in shape R, but occasional rests to breathe are nessessary...

I know, I know...

You are on the stroke of the peak and dont know what to do with it.

That's what she said.

both tantric and volcanic im guessing

Can't speak for every guy out there, but I know I have zero capabilities dealing with crying, deprresion, or other emotions or that sort.

The main reason for this, is because whenever I ask "what's wrong?", I get the answer "nothing".
Well then, if "nothing" is wrong and you're still crying, you got issues that you better talk to your psychiatrist, not me...  :)

Rena:

Go for speaking with a female friend. Most males I know would either freak out from the tears, or just think how they comfort the crying woman enough to get her into bed. OFCOURSE I am different and I'd just want to offer good advice tho!

And Yaron's observation is so true: you women often believe that us men are mind readers, who are supposed to guess exactly what "nothing" means...(-:

Nir

Men can provide emotional support to women. Even if it is a girlfriend, wife, etc.

Just don't freak them out in advance.
Women are the most brilliant experts in contnuous freaking out men over years and later complaining about a huge variety of stuff related to being freaked out )))))

OF COURSE Nir, your thinking is different from that tantric and volcanic ideas of certain other men....

(Oh and 'nothing' is used by men, too: I can't think of any answer that would not get me in trouble)

Hi Rena, you are very handsome, so you have a big choice of mens, that's clear.

I'm 37 and have had 3 long relationship with women, 5-7 years each. Today I'm again free, but I'm still concerned and care about my exs. And not by remorse.

However sometimes the  "emotional support" is difficult to provide even by psihotherapists.  Have a nice day everyone, Peter

We can see that Nir doesn't have a one track mind ... he has a two track mind

Unfortunately with the same destination ;)  if's he's lucky

R,

Just to clarify...When a man says "nothing"...its in order to AVOID a conversation with a female who suddenly feels she needs to discuss the state of the relationship during a World Cup Final when our team is loosing....

"nothing" should expressly be taken as "shut the hell up, Im watching the game, and DONT want to talk about it right now".... (which of course we can not say to you, since that would envoke further conversation from the female, hence defeating the whole object...)

Questions such as:

A)  "what is more important...the game or "us"? ? 

Lets be clear...we lie ...with  a "us darling of course" answer...hoping with every breath in our bodies that you will "now shut the hell up and let us watch the game".

B) "dont you love me any more?" questions during a game get the same answer... but if you utter JUST ONE MORE BLOODY WORD...it will be a "NO! Now shut the hell up!"....

Loving questions during games such as :

1) Can i get you a beer you gorgeous hunk of a man?

2) Would you like a sandwich or some snacks?

3) Is it ok that I have invited my best girlfriend to join us for a threesome tonight "AFTER the game has finished?"

Are all ok though...and will most often be answewred with a "yes, thank you"-

So now you know...and no need to get upset at "nothing" in the future...

Glad to have helped.

Priorities.  Charlie has them.

Sigh....It's no easy to get girls...

Man watching World Cup or playing Playstation is like a mad woman having "these days" every month... We have to leave them in peace!

And if you love your guy, just get him a beer..and get one for you at same time..! :)

Would you marry me?!

Charlie, what can I say...
Thanks for this valuable insights.

Though you know I am German and Worldcup Finals for me are also extremely important. So any kind of tantric approaches at THAT TIME would cause the same reactions as mentioned above.

The Tantric Mantra teaches one the ability to hold a volcanic eruption over a period of prolonged time until the most suitable situation arises for its release.....

If you ever spot a man trying to practice this, I strongly suggest the purchase of a life jacket.... Even Noah couldnt predict such sudden flooding!

damn.... thats us "men" pegged then.

ah right, sorry I forgot....

Yes, men/women theories are worthless -- they helped as many relatioships as theif damaged -- but they can be very funny

Aaargh.... I want that "EDIT" button

Of course men can! A man will always try to provide what's needed by his friend, girlfriend, wife etc. IF he sincerely cares about her of course. It’s part of his nature. If he doesn't have the ability to be a good emotional support to his woman, he will do what it takes to improve himself.

I noticed that if a woman is clear with herself and conscious of when she's trespassing limits, men tend to be more comprehensive and helpful. Men, ( women too) fear the charge of women (all) emotional needs so if she is reasonable - what benefits herself first of all - men will find enough space to be helpful.

Our hopes described in your first sentence David, represent one of the true and valid researches of women, and men. It does exist and shall be pursued. The painful emotions mentioned in your second sentence are the reason why I shared my thoughts with everybody yesterday and, my answer to those emotion in life. Simone Weil's miracle is - I think - that particular and rare moment born from a perfect understanding between two people who love each other. Men can provide emotional support as they are part of creating that moment of exception which does exist and shall be persued.

Ladies, if your man doesn't provide enough emotional support, teach him. (and be patient too! haha!) If he persists with not answering your legitimate demands, give up anf find another man!

Men, if your lady despite all of your genuine efforts is never fulfilled, give up, and find another woman. NO! Actually, STAY and try harder! ;)))

I am asking you as I know you already have it inside of you (proper English?)

What would have to happen to make you.... (smile, buy, pay....)

What are your concerns, what do you think about...

.....

Be a person who is fun to spend time with.

Rena , it sounds like you now have this being answered honestly, Charlie must be having a holiday.

A certain amount of empathy is required from either parties , on understanding the issues and interpreting the responses.. To answer you initial question, perhaps talking to both male and female friends can give you a fuller perspective.

Thank you all for your comments and interesting answers! I really appreciate the constructive way this thread went!

As a result of previous forum discussion some of us will see "Men are from Mars" in the Theatre du Leman next Friday (20.05.). If you want to join... Though everybody has to order tickets individualy. 

Would be great and in any case hope to meet you live one day

Sad if it were true, xb, that men do not in general provide emotional suport.

My opinion is that in the case of a partner, husband, boyfriend, or real friend (gay or otherwise), if a man isn't listening to you when you're down, he's:

1) Probably emotionally shallow and uncommunicative

2) Selfish

3) and/or has his own psychological issues.

As for those who are Gameboy and TV-Sports-obsessed to the exclusion of the relationship, ditch 'em.

Honestly, ladies, why put up with guys like this?

We are all more open and human when we need to talk, and this is therefore when some of the best and most interesting real human contact happens, assuming that the person doesn't just complain chronically.

Free: the video you posted is a great summary of reality as I see it!

is not a matter of the relation with the woman u re talking with. 

Is the type of person u re ( the male ) to make the difference.
is how u re inside and how strong u re for yourself .

Men not able to offer emotional support to another man are not able to offer it to woman.  obviously there are thin differences. but i think it s not the gender of who needs support to make the difference. but who want to donate support !!!

i dont think it is a gender issue at all but be aware that people have an agenda and if you really truly seek understanding you have to first connect to your own soul and the soul is not female or male it is both and nothing 

Men and women interact in many ways , on the physical level it is always a struggle because nature created it so , in my opinion the only true cooperation on that level is that of creating children and that does not mean that they stay together for that either nor did nature intend it as we can see in the animal world there are different models, some mate for life, some dont.

on the soul level you got to realize the law of attraction and then when you are shallow and stupid you attract that kind of energy to you and then you dont find yourself satisfied because you seek the wrong things

the soul does not care if someone is attractive physically or tall or short or whatever , it is ageless 

when your life is dictated by shallow physical factors you attract that kind of energy 

and you can see exemples everywhere throughout this thread

if you want a soul connection you first of all have to do the spiritual work yourself and then you dont seek men to comfort your soul but you seek a soul connection which is on a level beyond comfort but about connecting 

if you want someone to undestand you it will never work because first of all you got to understand yourself and to be clear about what you want

if you want a shallow connection you got plenty of that 

if you want a deep connection you got to put in the work on yourself  , be able to be strong alone and then you will attract similar souls who will stay around in rain or shine 

Watch "When Harry Met Sally". Can't be bothered reading the thread because we all know the answer to this question. 

Sure Very good film. It answered all my question - though still struggling with them in practice

.... putting them in practice

We just need to refer to our "Reference manual on women" to get the right details.

George Bernard Shaw said - "The most wonderful thing about a man and a woman is the exaggeration of the difference."

TRUE STORY below.

You heard about the american woman who brought out a book entitled "Everything A Man Knows About A Woman."

It sold like hotcakes however when buyers got to open it they were convinced there was a publishing problem -they had just purchased a whole book of empty pages! There was of couse no mistake. People loved it and bought box loads for their friends. Then the author brought out the video - same title, same content - blank!

Moral of the story - don't we humans love to complicate things. Look how long this thread was! Just buy her book!

LESS IS MORE (hint for those complicated women!)

When you really understand things, and some people especially the emotional ones won't like this - we create our own world ( including all the drama) and are therefore responsable for whatever happens to us ( including all the drama.) As Victor Frankl said in his book " Man's Search for Meaning" about his experience in a concentration camp. " The one thing they could never take from me was my power to chose my thoughts in any situation." But so many people need someone to blame - much easier than accepting responsability.

Depends on the man... me personally, If the girl is my friend (and some of my best friends ever were girls), I would really try to emotionally support her the best I could and I've done it.

Some people say I am good at helping people and giving them advise....

However I think most straight guys wouldn't give that support simply because:

A. Too much drama for them.

B. They just want to get in the girl's pants.

I think the reason I identify with women better is because I am gay... so usually we kind of click very easy.

hi,

I think this would be the best place on earth to share my mind. Yes, definately I do.

I had paid the best price in doing so even ....costing my love, bt still i did.

~arpan.

I have been asking myself for the last four minutes if I am part of the emotional ones and create my own world (including all the drama)...

To my mind not - and fortunately most of you in this thread don't know me personaly

No seriously... I would not call it drama.There are periods in life that are easier than other ones. And if you are having a tough time it's good to speak to a friend.

I prefer people who are honest and don't try to play the perfect world. Everybody has problems from time to time and sharing my situation helps me to get rid of this moody rubbish to become reasonable.

To me trying to find the emotional balance back is taking responsability. And it might take more responsability to face your own misery than just to ignore it.

I'm coming a bit late to this thread, and haven't read all the responses in detail, but let me give you my thoughts.

One of the problems is that men are problem solvers (evolutionists would attribute it to us starting out as hunters); when a woman presents them with a problem the first thing they want to do is give practical advice.And once they've given this advice for them the discussion is finished. But most of the time the woman just wants to be heard; listening is enough.

This is why women are better at giving emotional support; they are used to just sitting still and listening to someone explaining their problems (which is probably what they did while men were out hunting). I think it even makes them feel cosy and comfortable, and they can give this support to a complete stranger.

For a man it's much more complicated. For one thing, he must not be thinking about sex. This means that either he must be sure he'll get it or he must not want it himself. But he must be interested in you as a person; he must be a friend.

I think many relationships (marriages) never get to this stage where partners build up a true friendship.Women looking for emotional support with their partner will often not find what they're looking for. So they will try harder, but this will most of the time be counterproductive, as men will soon become uncomfortable and will throw up barriers.

The solution? In many cases finding support elsewhere (family, female friends) is the best choice. If you think your husband is sufficiently interested in you, try to make it easy for him; ask him for practical advice. Leave your feelings out of the discussion and ask him how he would solve a difficult personal situation you have. The answer may not completely satisfy you but it's definitely a starting point.

I agree with Edward, especially about the part of "men are problem solvers, whereas women just want someone to listen" (You read John Gray, right? I didn't like his book, but at least that part, meaning the discription of men and women he got right) - that is why women are better listeners.

Of course there are those guys who offer themselves for this as well, but many are more of the "I pretend to be a good friend, but secretly I want more and am just waiting for my chance" type. Women, you know that type, I'm sure, especially if you're really good-looking.

I won't say I will not provide emotional support for a woman - if she is down for a good reason (i.e. her grandma died) and I know this to be a temporary state (that's important!), I would of course do and already did so, e.g. for a friend. But if a woman wants to use me as an emotional tampon for all of her problems, then there's likely to be more issues which means I'm definitely outta here.

Within a relationship I also see a problem on a sexual level. What seems to be required here is somewhat of a "best friend" virtue. In a mature relationship, such as thing exists to a certain level, while sexuality needs not to suffer under it. Still, not many relationships reach that level of maturity. So if you have one thing (good friendship), the other (sexual attraction) will suffer. Talking as a man here (and apologies for being so blunt, but that's how it is ;), if I listen to a woman and all of her problems, that will surely not raise my level of sexual attractiveness with her. She might not realize that consciously, but it's true. This phenomenon I believe is widely seen with emotíonally damaged women complaining about their a**hole boyfriends that treat them like s*hit and jumping into bed with the next a**hole one week later - with the good and understanding friend, abused as emotional tampon just one week before, just shaking his head in disbelief.

And the sad part is - there are a lot of women who do that. So from my part, I have perfect understanding for any man who refuses to deal with that. That's not tough or being an unsensitive a**hole, it's a necessity. I don't expect many women to understand that, but I am pretty sure that most men do. ;)

Gosh, there is a lot of over-analysis going on here. From someone who has been married to a really great guy for 15 years now, can I just say 'YES, men absolutely can provide emotional support'. I think to some extent I am lucky that I got such a great man but I'd like to think I've played my part in making our marriage a success. Being in a long-term relationship is the most extraordinary thing and requires extraordinary committment, a great deal of listening and trying to put yourself in someone else's skin. Does it sound like a lot of work? A lot of effort? It is! But it sure is worth it! Can all men deal with a long-term relationship and its ups and downs? Can all women? I hope so, otherwise life will be a very long and lonely journey to travel.

And yes I think men and women are different but isn't that what being in an intimate relationship is all about: learning about each other, trying to help each other, supporting each other and enjoying life with each other. Thank goodness we are different...it keeps life constantly interesting and challenging.

Thanks Andreas, though I cannot confirm the decreasing level of physical attraction in emotional unstable times.

@Amna: Congrats! I imagine that it was not always easy. If you are around for a coffee once I would like to know more about how you managed that!

.

Rena: You are the first woman to ask me out for a coffee and I happily accept! I'll send you a private message with my number.

Bon weekend everyone!

Some can - but it seems to be an area in which they are.....limited.

About unstable times: I think you misunderstood that part. I totally agree that emotional instability can cause massive levels of physical attraction for a woman. Emotional rollercoaster=good, no emotions=boring=bad for attraction.

The less women speak to men the better - someone should invent a nag and whinge filter

Yes they do...!

Carolyn, with a sense of humour like yours, how on earth are you single?

I fear I may have painted a rosy picture of marriage...it is great overall but boy can it be hard sometimes...anyone who has been married or with one person for a long time will verify that!

Hi 

I find this discussion facinating and now we are getting somewhere, actually 

yes, it is possible, ok, i was thinking why? 

There is a Philosopher Martin Buber whose ideas about relationships

might be the key here

He speaks of basically two types of relationships ;

I-it ; subject to object

I-thouh , subject to subject

The way i see it in the first type of relationship is sort of experience many 

have shared where physical attraction between men and women lead 

them to relationships in which the other is seen as the object of fullfilling 

a desire, these relationships are very limited and would not provide 

a support system in case anything goes wrong because they are not 

on a higher spiritual level 

on the other hand i- thou relationships involved seeing the other in a deeper

spiritual way and thus would certainly not be limited to a particular situation 

but it is a limitless relationship on a higher level.

The I-thou connection means to bring God or a higher spiritual realm 

into the relationship between human beings.

I am not saying religion but spirituality which means a connection not based

on limited physical needs which when satisfied no longer serve a purpse

but a level which is connected to an eternal source -

I think the lucky lady probobly has had the fortune of having this sort of 

relationship but that means having two people who are evolved spiritually 

and have reached a certain level of maturity.

Here is a song to make you feel good and to express probobly 

what you and all of us  would wish to have, someone to stand by you 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maAyfcO-X3k

Husband is napping (having gotten up with the baby last night), children are fed and watching cartoons and I am having a reflective moment while eating cereal.

I know I've waxed lyrical about long-term relationships, and having said that I want to add a caveat. To expect any one human being to answer all your needs is an awesome burden to carry and bound to end in disappointment. There is something wonderful about the sisterhood of friends (and for men the brotherhood, although I have noticed that women need more of this). Whether this nurturing comes from your mother, sister, cousin, female colleagues, childhood friends, it is crucial to our well-being and our sanity.

I propose that us ladies get together sans men every so often just to unburden ourselves. I think we all need it! Lets go watch a film, go out for a coffee, go out for a walk by the lake, do some relail therapy, whatever makes your day better.

Somebody start a women's group! Men strictly forbidden!

amna - if you check the activities  women quite regularly organise 'girls only' things

the serious answer to the op is that men and women are different expecting men to provide emotional support is well... a bit silly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbJOLq5wXwk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Jean Michel R, love it!

Leo: sorry, but expecting men to provide emotional support is....well, not silly at all!

Im sorry, i disagree...but men and women simply THINK differently, and that's why women should have female friends to talk to....

If you find the "nagging" too much...improvise!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLV4BBmjnzM

after the striptease for the men 

something for girls     

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6JCCayPG7k

if not deep at least entertaining 

I was aiming the fact is that women and men for that matter would be better at offloading their problems with a therapist or counsellor rather than inflicting it on some friend...also fatctor in that we are adults and by the time you are 20 you should really understand that the other sex is basically living in a parallel world and does NOT understand.

Or the other sex has unrealistic expectations of what the partner should deliver. Nowadays the media does not help. A lot of women's magazine's portray things which are not real life and a lot of younger women (and older) have an expectation of how things ought to be for them, not quite realizing that the world is quite different that portrayed in magazines or movies.

I am all for supporting partners, talking, finding solutions, working at issues together. Often though I have found myself willingly talking about issues, making total sense of it and then together resolving the issue, because I care about how the other person feels. This does not help. For many, finding issues which do not exist are a favourite past time.

If one's intent is to be like this then perhaps it is better to be alone rather than inflict frustration on your partner.

So I agree with a previous post, if you want to complain about non existant issues or blow things out of proportion then that is fine, but just don't inflict that on your partner when he is told or sees there is a problem and just wants to resolve it. Find people who want to do the same thing and let off steam by yourselves.

2 great posts on this thread really made me laugh, and I recommend them to anyone who missed them:

Edwards video of "the ideal woman" - post 124

Charlie's post of "peace and quite from women, finally" - post 144

Good stuff guys...

jokes aside, there are clearly men who can, and clearly men who can't...may we be surrounded by men who can

Amna:

That's a good summary. 

And what I wish for us men: may we fully and whole heartedly be there for our women when they really need us for the serious stuff. But may our women leave us alone when it comes to the 90% of the daily nagging, and may they download that on their female friends...(-:

I fully agree, couldn't have said it better.

Carolyn: I understand your point, but we gonna let this one go. I admit tho that Star has a true gift of posting stuff that rubs people the wrong way...

Actually, I found the complaint more offensive. Not that I want more of the stuff in star's post. Almost went blind :p

FerneyL,Carolyn,

OK, nothing to see here, let's move on. I don't want a mini-war starting here about the complaint. Carolyn thought it was over the line, she let us know, we responded. Next. 

Nir

Sure thing. It's way in the past now. I'm not going to start any wars after a two-day hike ;)

Yup! Its definitely "a gift"....moved on already :-)

what surprises me and by now nothing can surprise me after having a thread against me once more the witch hunt..

comments that generalize and label women and men 

the ideal women as portrayed without a head

videos portraying the ideal woman as one who will put up with anything 

and invite a friend to join 

men like soccer and peace and quiet, women like to nag 

that was not offensive at all 

nor was the singer taking off her clothes showing women as sex objects 

no, that was not offensive but HAIR , the musical that talks about changing

values in society, the hippies , a world where black and white mingle

in an amusing song, THAT is offensive????

Come on ! first of all it was the only video i could think of that portrays men

as sex objects in a humorous way by the way ..

Does anyone in cyber space find *HAIR *a racist musical that contains

racist comments or portrays people in a racist manner?

If so you must be the first

The song talks about both black and white men and how women see men as 

sex objects, and nothing at all like some of the comments stated here.

I still believe that men and women are a mixed lot and that there are no 

clear gender differences, but a spectrum , of which the extremes certainly 

contributed to the post some sterotypes that are truly outdated.

Both men and women love soccer , 

Both men and women can be introverted and extroverted

want to be left alone , nag or be nagged

Both men and women can see the opposite sex as a sex object

so what i find offensive are the comments generalizing 50% of the population 

and labeling them as insensitive, hysterical, uncaring etc

I think there were various opinions here stated but i did find the last 

comments regarding women and how men REALLY are quite offensive

and not at all reality but a very macho men reality 

P.S

Nir nobody hardly reads these silly comments 

every glocal activity i have been to had no idea of the secret world of wars

taking place beneath their feet

most people that have a life go out and meet on glocal activities and dont 

pick on people !

Ok Star, let's move on. Nir

star,

Just want to clarify, that I was referring to the videoclip from "HAIR" ;)

There was a fully-clothed woman singing in the first video and she continued that way, from what I could see flicking through it, despite later allusions to something else  - so consider me rick-rolled ,)

Star is so right. This whole thread is quite offensive. Just reading the topic headline gives me a feeling I am sent back to 1895. "Men are like this and women like that"...yes of course 3 billion men are incapable of giving emotional support and 3 billion women are good at it (not to talk about cooking and cleaning, right?). Mon dieu, grow up already.

In my view, some women justify the stereotypes put on them by some men. (and vice versa)

Whether they be "barbie dolls", "naggers", or just plain "nut cases"...

Of course there are very many lovely, gorgeous and well balanced women out there, as there are men.

Simply, may you all find your ideal - whether prince/princess/ or box of mad frogs...each to their own.

@ the last few posters

You're taking this thread completely out of context. Rena has asked for some genuine opinions, probably based on a situation she finds herself in in her personal life. People have responded with genuine opinions and their own experience in this matter.Some have added good-natured pictures and videos about male/female stereotypes.

I can't see why suddenly people start attacking other posters; a day ago this was a thread where people posted interesting opinions. Now it has turned in a flame fest. Why?

I'm more or less with ParL on that one... I do not find the thread offensive, but somewhat elementary -- a caricature. The way men and women are depicted is kind of basic: primitive football lovers and beer drinkers against emotionally unstable bimbos. Not my idea of my male and female fellows and not my idea of a constructive relationships...  Come on guys, we are more sophisticated than that! I agree that there are differences between men and women, but not at that level, but not that basic, not that primitive...

These men from Mars and women from Venus theories may have saved a few couples but they harmed a whole bunch of others by locking genders into roles to which they do not belong. I do not recognize myself in these primitive stereotypes, neteither do I recognize my friends -- men or women --  or the people I see, be it in real life or here.

There are many sides to be looked at when we encounter someone who cannot / does not want / is not available to provide us with the emotional support we need.
- We may question our emotional distress: Is there really a reason to be that depressed or are we going overboard?
- We may question our request: Do we really ask for support or are we just looking for a confirmation of our own silly beliefs? Are we willing to listen to what the other has to say?
- We may question the way we asked for support: Did the friend we are talking to heard that we are in distress? Or are we expecting him/her to guess?
- Ans ast but not least, we may also question ourselves: If the guy or gal you are talking to is not responding, it may well be because you are not surrounded by the right people, and chances are it's your damn fault... In other (crude) words: are you able to create empathy in your friend's heart? Do you have the friends you desserve?

A woman should talk to her friend who will be best able to help and it's got nothing to do with gender :-)

To all...

Comedy is derived out of witnessing extremes.... if there was universal normality there would be no comedy.

My comic input, is of course highlighting the extreme, and not the normal.

As my previous post states, there is a plethora of perfectly balanced individuals out there of both sexes, all perfectly able to provide emotional support, love and care to thier partner... thats a perfectlyobvious fact.

This thread however, would not have reached the post count that it had without the input of the "extreme view"...or in my eyes, the comic one.

We are probably done here now, since the answer to Renas original question is undeniably "yes... in some instances".

Peace out.

me

It's funny a question like this is tolerated, after everything men have accomplished over centuries to prove that we are equal to women. Not better, like the extreme masculists want us to believe.

Yes. Men can provide emotional support. But men can do nothing about women who 'think' men canNOT provide emotional support.

The solution is simple: If you are one of those ladies, please stop thinking - Be a man.

I fully agree even though 20 seems a bit early to understand we live in pararell worlds and that the only and best way to handle depression (as per the original question of this thread) is with the help of a counsellor or therapist.

Charlie, something you should understand is that even if women start losing their looks at the peak of their sexuality:

1.  It is quite easy today to keep up those looks;

2.  We like young men the same way guys like young women;

3.  Mature men go for younger women because their sexuality is not a threat to their somewhat diminishing libido.

SALUD!!!!

Nefertiti: that's a bit extreem no? Presumably you had meant to have an A between the L and the U.

Some corrections:

1.  It is quite easy today to keep up those looks.

Only for so long. And you can only do so much. And once the frock and the war paint comes off you can't hide the ravages of time.

2.  We like young men the same way guys like young women;

I don't doubt it.

3.  Mature men go for younger women because their sexuality is not a threat to their somewhat diminishing libido.

No, mature men go for younger women, because they tend to look younger/better. Fresher bodies, etc...Simple.Of course with maturity comes wisdom, mature conversation, more advanced interests, etc... It all depends what the man is looking for.

Jean-Michel: You find my post extremist? Nothing but a few rermarks to a rather provocative and humoristic earlier post by Charlie that I could have quoted but did'nt..

As for your presumption of the A between the L and the U it took me a while to understand what you meant.  I fail to see the connection between the word "salud" and your presumption of an insult to men.

The frock and the war paint?  The ravages of time?  Good lord, how depressing!

Yes, mature men go for younger women because they tend to look younger/better, fresher bodies, etc and because their sexuality is not a threat to their somewhat diminishing libido.