I have only been in Geneva for a week and a half, so I have all this to come (we are here indefinitely), but I just wanted to say how happy I am for you that you do have such a close and loving family you can depend on.

When I was a child, I used to think that as you grew up, there would come a day when you would realise that you know all the answers. It is such a bugger to grow up, and realise that it isn't going to happen. You make your decisions and hope for the best, and sometimes it seems that there isn't really a proper 'right answer', and you just have to make the best of it.

I hope you get over your complicated feelings soon, and that you will always enjoy your immediate family who are always with you in GVA.

Debs
debsdelights, Aug 17, 2008 @ 22:44

Nir,



I have the same circumstances , in fact my parents arrive on Wednesday. But it certainly makes me appreciate them when they are here (and yes I spoil them.. Venice Friday :-)). I see them once or twice a year, but I don't feel I'm out of touch as we speak almost everyday (thank goodness of IP Phones) and often see each other via webcam.



I'm sure when my son and daughter leave home (quite soon for the 17 year old) I will miss them but I wouldn't want them to feel they have to return to where we live and that the world is their oyster..



My parents miss me, but love the fact that their grandchildren are experiencing a world they had never imagined at that age, and that they can visit here whenever they want (thank goodness for Easyjet).



PS .. Wear a hat..



britabroad, Aug 17, 2008 @ 23:04

Hello Nir, i am one of those people who think about this almost everyday. I moved to switzerland with my now two year old son almost two years now. My mother has visited us once so far and it was really emotional for us, even though we dont show it much. Today i received a call from her, she is missing me and her grandson too much. She is getting older(51) and i worry about her health always. Should i go back to be with her? is just but one of the many questions i ask myself. Life is hard, and choices are hard to make sometimes. But our families know that we love them and are always in our thoughts.
scorpio, Aug 17, 2008 @ 23:32

hey Nir,



thanks for sharing, and as most people so far, i completely understand where you're coming from. i came back to Geneva a few years ago because my mother passed away and Japan suddenly wasn't where i was supposed to be anymore. my father has since moved 800km away and my sister lives in London, but at least we are all within a 2-hour flight and i only live 5 mns away from the airport. i see my father about 4 times a year, same for my sister.



my situation is probably a little different to a lot of people, though, in that i see my father a lot more than he ever saw his parents. my parents left Europe when they got married, to come back only 3-4 times in the following 11 years, partly, of course, because it wasn't as easy to travel in those days. they moved back to Europe once we were born, to be closer to the family, but in the end that didn't really mean any of us saw them all that often.



as Tinkie said, my father is happy that i am happy, and while he misses me, he doesn't expect me to take care of him in any way. do i wish i saw my family more often and that they lived closer? absolutely. do i want to move to London or to southwestern France? absolutely not. if i don't want to live there, i can't ask them to come back here either. people have to live their lives their own way, and i think our parents understand that. and i think we all know what we'd do if something happened to anyone in our family, and they know that too, and that, i think, is more important than you living next door to them.
Minda, Aug 18, 2008 @ 13:06

All: 

Thanks a lot for opening up and sharing your thoughts.

Honestly - it makes it a bit less stressful knowing there's so many of us in the same boat (except Tinkie, the lucky dog, who has the opposite problem!)...:)

We should open up a 'adult kids who miss their parents' support group...or, when our parents come over, we should work out some time sharing scheme...

Hope we'll get even more replies here.

Nir
Nir Ofek, Aug 18, 2008 @ 13:32

Thanks Tinkster, you made me laugh...(-:
Nir Ofek, Aug 18, 2008 @ 13:39

nir, you can have my parents for a weekend too, and i'll even throw in a free car if you just take them!

but now on a serious note, i feel what you said. on the bright side, you are lucky to have them in your life, and you can do some things to feel more part of their life, like more frequest visits (seeing them 1/2 times per year is not a lot), sharing fotos of your daily life, speaking on the fone, etc. but the question will also linger in your head, like it lingers in mine: should we go back to be close to our families. 
pink_bunny, Aug 18, 2008 @ 19:35

Just wanted to say what a lovely post this is about family.  It is interesting to see that amidst a lot of the superficial things people put online, there are times when you see some thought provoking words. Reading things like this helps keep me just a little bit more introspective.

I can sympathize with your feelings.  There are so many things that I see day to day that trigger a memory of my family.  I've only been away from them for about 1 year and 3 months but I continually find myself seeking out large groups of people to fill that void temporarily. 

The strange thing is that I went to college far away from my family years ago and it never seemed to bother me during that time.  I was 9 hours away from them by car, and now I am 9 hours away from them by plane.  The biggest change is that I am in a totally different country living with my husband.  I am not sure if it is necessarily the greater distance or rather that I am removed from all that I had known before. 

All I can say is thank goodness for technology. 
lilys, Aug 21, 2008 @ 13:11

Well buddy... my mother always told me "Every choice is a renunciation" (always jolly optimistic, dam' her!) ;)



I'm in your very same situation, just for twice as long! :(

And I really miss my parents and brothers and nieces. This year in particular they've gone through some very tough experiences and I would have liked to be there for them.

... and many times I would have liked them to be here for me!



But the physical distance doesn't prevent you from emotional closeness (and you should know it with your brother! ;)).



Now that our kids are growing we dedicate most of our holidays to make them maintain a healthy relation with Sari's and my family (we just spent some weeks among Spain and Italy), something that we wouldn't do until some years ago, when we went on saving days off for shorter trips around the world.



I miss my family, but I built another family here (I'm talking about my closer friends) and despite the distance I fell always as close as ever to my parents and bros!



I would as well spend more time and share more experience with them, but life goes on. The fact of growing up implies also a certain distance and a change of roles, but you will always be their little kid (you??? Little???).



... and you know what? I'm going to call my parents! :)
Stef__Granny, Aug 21, 2008 @ 17:12

All:
It's great to see the responses, and to see that so many of us are in the same boat...Also nice to see a 'sensetive' discussion here, with people letting their emotions come out. Reall, it makes a real difference.

I showed the thread to my parents. I think they were also touched...

Stef:
Some good advice there bro, much appreciated.

Nir
Nir Ofek, Aug 22, 2008 @ 10:25

Nir, I must congratulate your parents for raising such a fine kid. I must also say this of each one of you who took the time off to contribute to this post. It was your own special way of showing gratitude to someone as precious as Mum and Dad. A human baby is the most helpless thing amongst all living beings and it is only with the love and care of parents (it all actually starts in the womb) that we survive. Reminds me of a Quote “ God couldn’t be everywhere at the same time…….so he made Parents “
kedar, Aug 22, 2008 @ 13:06

Helpless???? We are not talking about the same children obviously! :P



Nir,

:)
Stef__Granny, Aug 22, 2008 @ 16:48

I have a different perspective: I can tell you how I feel as the person who stayed in his country while a close relatived moved away.

One of my sisters settled in Amsterdam on a permanent basis 6 or 7 years ago. Yet, I feel that we are closer now. When she was in Geneva, I took her presence for granted. We saw every now and then, at my mother's or elsewhere, usually briefly. Now, we meet only a few times a year. I stay at her place when I visit her in Amsterdam, or she sometimes stays at my place when she visits Geneva. I appreciate it much more. We spend longer uninterupted durations together. It gives us the opportunity to talk much more (I mean, really talking).  Quality replaced quantity.

I had ther same feeling when I spent a few years abroad.

So the situation can have its good sides too.
Bustan_A, Aug 22, 2008 @ 17:46

Bustan:

Thanks for sharing mate, good point. And a related point: I know that if I lived close to my parents, at some point I'd pray for me or for them to move away for a while...:)
Nir Ofek, Aug 22, 2008 @ 17:53