But u're young and cute, you won't have any pb to find another great guy soon.
All u need now is to go out a lot with ur friends, have tons of fun, drink if u like,
danse away ur sadeness and keep ur head up ;-)
In french we say "1 de perdu, 10 de retrouves"...(there r plenty of fish in the sea)

Cheers
Phoebs
Phoebe, Feb 16, 2007 @ 12:44

aaahh 3rd time lucky!! just tried posting this twice and it keeps loggin me out!! im sorry to read that. unfortunatly i have discovered that time is the biggest healer. and great friends. and if you like chocolate, shopping, a new hair cut etc ;-) but in reality it takes time. spend time being single and enjoying yourself being single. we so easily become dependant on some one else, but take time to have fun being single. you can really discover youself when you're single. spend time with the people you love most (excluding your ex) doing the things that you love most (a chat over a coffee, shopping, walking/hiking, site seeing, skiing etc...) theres more to life than a guy and sometimes it takes being single to realise that. take a walk (or drive and then walk) up one of the close by hills (eg the saleve) and look at the stunning view over geneva and the jura and then look at the other side at the stunning view of the alps and the mont blanc and realise how lucky you are to be alive. unfortunately it does take time but try to have fun and realise that theres more to life and try not to be sad. i know its easy to say and not so easy to act upon and its easy to shut yourself up with your thoughts, but im sure you have great friends/family who will be there to support you. dont contact him. its only harder in the long run if you do. forget him. hope that helps ;-) joelle
joellem88, Feb 16, 2007 @ 14:46

I know it must be hard.. but tell you what..
Life has its ups and downs.. and relationships too..

Girl youre young, you ll find more and more happiness as time goes by, even in little things in life...

My advice: Go out more, occupy yourself with a hobby, note down things you always wanted to do (nows ure chance to do them).. go somewhere for a weekend with your friends... enjoy single life until another guy comes along.. lol
remember to keep on smillin!!
luluzinja, Feb 16, 2007 @ 16:21

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. I love her deeply, and find it very difficult to deal with the situation. Basically I just try to get through one day at a time. All I can say is… fill up your day with something, but also find time to spend with yourself. Try to feel the pain and not escape it (because you can’t), and slowly it will (or should) start to fade…

If you find another remedy, let me know also : )

tarun, Feb 16, 2007 @ 16:42

It is really great to know that some people take the time to help others, really thanks..you all make me smile...
cledelune, Feb 16, 2007 @ 19:15

I think there's no easy answer on how to get over your ex, but you have some good recommendations in the replies.

I will tell you one thing _not_ to do. As you ask about advice on how to get him back you might start to think things like "If I am only being kind to him he might realize that I am actually a nice girl" and "If I do this or are more like that he might like me again."

He will feel the weekness in you, and he will use it to gain self-confidence. At the same time you are losing yours. He might even fake feelings for you in order to keep you going, "Maybe I could like you, but I need time to be sure." In the end he is just building up a dependence on you which is not based on love. Chances are that he has a bit already because he told you he did never love you.

So.. if you are going to spend time with him, make sure you are both more or less on the same level with the same intentions. Otherwise it might make your life much harder.
trolltok, Feb 16, 2007 @ 21:21

I know how it hurts what you feel and I’m not going tell you those banal truths (that sometimes people say, not really having idea how it is) that you’ll get better soon. It’s a very individual thing how long time you need to heal the wound made by your ex. In my case it’s been already a few months and it’s still painful.

But on the other hand, I don’t want to sound pessimistic. I don’t want to sound as masochist, either (I’m not, for sure), but I treat my bad experiences as blessings, in a way. I think that all bad moments create us, determine us much better as humans than all those good, happy moments. Those bad moments are just natural in everybody’s lives. If there are some ups, there must be some downs, too to keep the balance.
The thing is, we should be able to take our lesson, find time for a reflection on ourselves, our lives which can help us rediscover ourselves, look at ourselves more objectively (and in result, help us in our future life). These are those things that we might forget to do when we are in a relationships, tending to focus on our partner or “we” and not so often on “I”.
Being on your own can be a good time to love yourself. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you and you might feel as you don’t deserve love. It’s not true! You deserve love! The fist step could be your own love for yourself. Love yourself and when you do, there will be a time and a person who loves you, too.

Well, now some reflection. I’m really surprised that there was nobody writing anything against your post yet… I’ve checked all the previous threads on GOL that have been posted since its beginning in order to get closer to the “spirit” of that community. And the obvious fact was that anytime there was somebody complaining on something (I mean, on the human, personal level, of course), there were many persons writing against that attitude. It really looked like all those posts were not welcome here. So, I got to thinking that most of GOL members live in some imaginary reality, where no personal psychological problems exist. And if in somebody’s else that problem appears, he or she should just shut up and stay with his problem alone, because it just doesn’t match that ideal reality of “no life problems”.
Thanks, Cledelune, for sharing your problem on the forum! It usually feels at least a little better just to be able to speak out or write what’s bothering you. And against all odds… Thumbs up!

And just another reflection... Don't you think that there might be a new forum, regarding psychologyl/relationships issues? Maybe it could be even allowed to be used without being logged on, to encourage people to talk about their problems, troubles, mistakes, dillemas anonymously? I think, sharing life experiences is important , helping with looking at the situation from different perspectives, becoming more objective, bringing some new solutions, learning from others experience, avoiding some mistakes that can be avoided?
Anybody agrees?


RitaVonGNV, Feb 17, 2007 @ 17:51

Cledelune, despite being 5am on a sunday morning and being just home now .. I know how you feel. I've been there. When my last relationship ended it was really painfull. So bad i thought i'd never get over it. But somehow I did. as everyone esle told you, i don't wanna say it's an easy process and that you'll be ok tomorrow.
But time heals everything, and friends help a lot, if they are of the 'real friend' kind.
The quick fix would be going out, dance the night away, have a drink or 3 .. .it helps in the short term. It does make you feel better, makes you forget that you want him back. But try to analyze thing, when the time goes by, it will help you understand that on the long run it will get better then that, you'll probabily realize that you don't want to 'forget' that you want him back, but you wouldn't want him back anymore. You will feel less empty and sad.
I've received the it's not you it's me speech myself quite a few times, and before i took some time alone, to go through all the mess i was one relationship ended .. i always thought it was either him or me the problem. I don't know you, but you are a pretty girl and i am sure you are sensitive and nice. And maybe the problem this time was ... the 2 of u togheter.

i don't know if I am making any sense, i got finally over mine about 5 months ago (and it ended in spring), i just wanted to re-assure you that it takes time, and it seems that there's no end .. but it gets better.
And with time eventually even the side effect of the breakup will go away (finally trusting other people). I wish i knew when it will be better for you, but as my favourite song (from Pink) said .. it's gonna be a long way to happy.

Always here if you wanna talk to someone that has been there and survived.
Hoiling, Feb 18, 2007 @ 06:32

Dancing and having a drink or 2 with friends (not saying getting drunk) ... right after a break up can help to get distracted. True, the pain will come back worse then ever after, but let's face it, it takes lots of time and thinking to process the past. And no one can start right after a break up. Trying to feel better, and see that we can live and have fun even without the other one ... right after loosing him or her .. works. But only for a very short term.
On the long run I wanted to say that you can't escape the pain and the mourning and processing time. And getting wasted to forget and be better won't help (and trust me, don't I know it) ...

Friends are the only thing that help, a strong will to get over it and not indulging in wrong/ not helpfull habits ... and .. time.
Hoiling, Feb 18, 2007 @ 22:31

The topic came out last w-e while enjoying a nice drink with friends. It seemed to us that this kind of situation is occuring again and again but still let us feel unexperienced or unequiped to face it.
Let me share with you what came out from the discussion:
- discipline: instead of being drown by negative thoughts just take care of oneself and take care of beloved ones. Almost just resume with our pre-relationship routine.
- digestion: sit down and figure out what was the good and what was bad about the relationship, what should be kept and what should be avoided in the future
- attribution: avoid putting oneself at the center of all the problems. Since one changes, other people change, the situations change and many powerfull influencial factors change so that at the end there is no clear evidence that one should feel like 'shit' after a breakup because after all we have so little control.

But it is anyway hard to get such bad news in such a brutal way.
Cheers,
B.
brooster, Feb 20, 2007 @ 12:04