A  man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in  the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells  him he has been granted one wish. 

The  man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

"Sorry,"  said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

"OK, then, I  want to die after a Labor government balances the budget and eliminates the  debt.

"You crafty little bastard," said the genie. 

A man walks into a Parliament office and says to the receptionist,

"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be a Green M.P."
 
The receptionist replied, "Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.''
 
 He was filling the form OK until he came to the question - ''Are youcircumcised?''

So he asked the receptionist, "Is this question necessary?"

She replied, "If you are circumcised you are not eligible."
 
He then asked, "What difference does it make if I am circumcised?"
 
She replied, "To become a Green MP you have to be a complete dick!