THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Jeffery SJun 26, 2015 @ 11:49
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous.
'But you have no arms !'
'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only a moment before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,'Bishop, who was this man ?'.
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied ..............
> >
> >
> > ( scroll down )
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ' ................. BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'
> >
> >
> > WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more
> >
> >
> >
> >
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but...'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (. . . Wait for it ....)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (.. . . It's worth it.. ....)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > 'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER..'
> > ****************************************************************************
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous.
'But you have no arms !'
'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only a moment before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,'Bishop, who was this man ?'.
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied ..............
> >
> >
> > ( scroll down )
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ' ................. BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'
> >
> >
> > WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more
> >
> >
> >
> >
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but...'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (. . . Wait for it ....)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (.. . . It's worth it.. ....)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > 'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER..'
> > ****************************************************************************
David Lloyd, Jun 26, 2015 @ 14:53
When you get old!!!!
Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Grandads is?
A 5 year old Granddaughter is usually taken to her Local school, daily, by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very different!!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!'
When you get old!!!!
Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Grandads is?
A 5 year old Granddaughter is usually taken to her Local school, daily, by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very different!!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!'
Jeffery S, Jun 26, 2015 @ 16:34
Maybe Grandma spotted much more interesting things like a pretty dress in a shop window while waiting at the traffic lights, Jeff.
Maybe Grandma spotted much more interesting things like a pretty dress in a shop window while waiting at the traffic lights, Jeff.
Ritchie, Jun 26, 2015 @ 21:03
That would be entirely possible Ritchie - entirely possible !!!
When you get old!!!!
Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Grandads is?
A 5 year old Granddaughter is usually taken to her Local school, daily, by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very different!!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!'
Jun 26, 15 16:34
Jeffery: one of your best works to date
I aim to please Nir !! (gotta have a laugh eh ...)
You may go to the top of the class, Jeff, but don’t take your books with you.
You may go to the top of the class, Jeff, but don’t take your books with you.
Ritchie, Jun 26, 2015 @ 23:46
