Hi Phobe,

Thanks for sharing, it was a fun read! Maybe for your next adventure you could try this Tinder app I have heard is the latest thingy in dating or so..anyway, good luck and have a (almost) good week-end!

It could have been worse......

Thank you melanie!! A friend of mine did tell me about this Tinder app, and I tried to download it, but for some reason I couldn't make it work (and I have the S4).

Was it a sign that I should give up??

Why worse Charlie?? I've never been with a red head actually.

(will I see you Saturday by the way??)

......lol........ reading this made me laugh. or better said remembered me specially this topic:

what is it with guys sending unrequested pictures of their genitals!!!

i was asking me this question all the time when i was asking someone for a better picture or a close up one, and then you get this. well is that really a BETTER picture i got.

......lol....

well i'm in a relationship now and i'm happy i don't deal with this anymore. but i'm happy to see that is not only me having this experiences.

(you're welcome)

So let me get this straight, first you affirm and reaffirm you don't want anything serious, then you complain this experience left you heartbroken?

Would you be heartbroken if someone didn't show up for joga or dance practice or whatever and instead just disappeared for who cares what reason? Of course not, it happens all the time, I don't see how this would be any different (at least from the "detached" point of view you state to maintain so proudly).

Moving on, since one could say that you behave much more "like a man" (assertive, seeking casual sex and, at least on paper, disinterested in feelings) than the norm, don't be surprised if the "partner" ends up behaving "more like a girl" (whatever that means).

I'll try to explain, courtship dynamics have been the same since the dawn of time (literally), and whatever you try to take out (be it "feelings" for you, or "sex" for those who postpone it for religious reasons, you get the idea) it will inevitably insinuate itself in the conversation, because "drama" is part of what makes humans want to hook up with each other in the first place!

I mean, look at your own examples! Third guy disappears rudely and you start sobbing like a highschooler, but then when you do the same and cut off the fourth guy not at all so nicely, you're suddenly surprised at his childish reaction? (not that I see myself any appeal in the modern "dickpic" craze, but I don't understand your bewildered shock either)

Finally, "how come it is so difficult to find what we want"? Seriously?
Talk about first-world problems! Lucky you if that's all you have to be sad about!

So let me get this straight, first you affirm and reaffirm you don't want anything serious, then you complain this experience left you heartbroken?

No Paul, you didn't really get what I said. Of course initially I was looking for something casual. But if while doing that you meet someone you can actually see yourself spending more time with... wouldn't you change your mind too??

Would you be heartbroken if someone didn't show up for joga or dance practice or whatever and instead just disappeared for who cares what reason? Of course not, it happens all the time, I don't see how this would be any different (at least from the "detached" point of view you state to maintain so proudly).

I have no idea why you compare this with yoga?! I always expect a minimum of consideration from a relationship with another human being, no matter the degree of committment. If you are not interested anymore, it's perfectly fine, but you need to be clear and say it "sorry, I'm bored  or Sorry, it's not working for me. Thanks and bye"

Moving on, since one could say that you behave much more "like a man" (assertive, seeking casual sex and, at least on paper, disinterested in feelings) than the norm, don't be surprised if the "partner" ends up behaving "more like a girl" (whatever that means).

This doesn't make sense at all.

I'll try to explain, courtship dynamics have been the same since the dawn of time (literally), and whatever you try to take out (be it "feelings" for you, or "sex" for those who postpone it for religious reasons, you get the idea) it will inevitably insinuate itself in the conversation, because "drama" is part of what makes humans want to hook up with each other in the first place!

I disagree... I found that courtship dynamics complety changed in the past 30 years or more precisely since the invention of the internet! Behaviors, expectations, relationships are different.

I mean, look at your own examples! Third guy disappears rudely and you start sobbing like a highschooler, but then when you do the same and cut off the fourth guy not at all so nicely, you're suddenly surprised at his childish reaction? (not that I see myself any appeal in the modern "dickpic" craze, but I don't understand your bewildered shock either)

The 3rd guy didn't disappear... it's the 2nd one, don't mix up the stories (as boring as they are) I cut him off because he sent a picture of his penis. And don't get me wrong, I am not a prude and I've used sexting and shared som steamy pictures myself (:p) but this one came out of the blue... we have never met, we were not even "courting" to use your words. So damn right I felt offended in that situation!

Finally, "how come it is so difficult to find what we want"? Seriously?
Talk about first-world problems! Lucky you if that's all you have to be sad about!

Did you lose your sense of humour on the way?

But thanks for your input.

PS: and I didn't completely ignore the 3rd guy... I replied to his whatsapp message. Told him it wasn't cool at all to do that (out of the blue) and that I didn't appreciate it. I asked him not to contact me again and I blocked him.

Some female friends of mine had some success* with these sites. Knock yerself out! 

www.throbmonsters.ch

www.choking-for-it-but-kinda-like-not-in-that-place-right-now.com/switzerland

www.lotioninthebasket.com/ch/en

Bon friend-benefitting!

*When I say success, I mean still alive. 

Yep

I don't see what she was getting so het up about. Check out this picture of a bloke with a massive cock! 

It's fascinating to see female self-delusion so eloquently expressed, especially in contrast to the proffered (rather optimistically) rational response from Paul.

That was fun to read! Thanks for sharing Phoebe  BTW did you tried Badoo app? 

Have a great weekend!

Size does matter!

Erotic Gear Salesman Says Coop Lacks the Erotic Ambiance to Sells Vibrators...

http://www.thelocal.ch/20140210/department-store-chain-rapped-for-selling-vibrators

i cannot believe i actually looked to see if those sites exist ! !   

Hey Pheobe. No matter what kind of "relationship" you're looking for or into, you need to at least have a proper chat about the parameters of the relationship before doing the nasty,  and more importantly stick to them yourself. Communication is the key, especially in the FWB setting which can be disastrous if not careful. Don't be afraid to say what you want, how you want to be treated. Don't take any crap from someone that you wouldn't normally take simply because you're in an FWB. You have got to keep respect for yourself. it's always a good idea to have a time frame in mind for how long you want your FWB to last. FWB shouldn't be a long term solution. It's never a good idea to have a lengthy casual relationship nor is it wise to sleep together too often with you partner in FWB. Just to avoid the potential of developing feelings that can complicate things. Truth be told, this affects us ladies more negatively in the long run. Another thing, if you're doing FWB do not close the door to other options out there. Once feelings start creeping in on your side and the other party is not on the same page, terminate the relationship and move on. Your statement about boys being girls is not fair. As a woman consciously going into FWB, you are exhibiting more masculine energy than most females do so that means you will tend to attract men with more feminine energy. But that's not a bad thing at all, it actually helps you stay in control. Trust me, you won't want to have a controlling alpha male in the kind of FWB that you want unless it's just a one-night thing. All the best in your FWB quest. Chose wisely and keep your head up! Hopefully at some point in the future, you'd want something more permanent. And for that you need a whole new set of rules. Still learning them, I am!!!

too much Guinness dos that to a guy!

Thanks for the laugh Helen E!! But you shouldn't say that out loud....I am already a self delusional female on this thread, now your comment ... what is Andy C going to think?!??

I used joga as an example for another sweaty, inebriating and EMOTIONALLY DETACHED kind of physical activity, assuming the parallels with no-strings-attached sex would draw themselves.

You're clearly burned by these experiences to the point of coming here to vent, which you ought not to be if all you're looking for is a tall living sex toy with decent conversation skills.

As soon as one breaks, get a new one, done!

The moment you say all you want is sex without the attached emotional baggage, you've lowered the bar for mutual respect to the bottom and any expectation from the other side to be "nice" and owe you any justification for their behaviour goes out of the window.

Not realizing that the knife cuts both ways, and that some men WILL do the same and treat you as just a hole*, even more when almost given "license" to do so with no guilt, just opens you up to this unnecessary pain and "BS", as you call it.

*not my words, I borrowed the expression from an old book, Google suggests it was Catherine Breillat

may be it s time to meet my friend Sigmund : 

Andy C will say : 

"Threesome"!!!!!!

As this is the frist time i have got three thanks for a post , I am wondering what i have said ! 

Phoebe,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am impressed that you have taken the steps  and you have the guts to do so compared to most people who never try. Thumbs up !

I don't believe anyone should judge or be judged,  it's our perogative to do what we want to do,  and we cannot have the same views and feeling with every other person, but we can always learn from our experiences and other peoples'

Things to learn:

When going out in search for  a Friend(s) with benefits, you may end up wanting more,

No 2 , or the person who left without saying good bye probably was wanting more,which he thought he could not have and decided to run, don't let it knock you-- it comes with the territory

The guy with the photo, did not understand you and I will take the situation as a communication breakdown, but if you feel you don't want him to contact you again, then it's your decision.

Thanks again for sharing and i truly admire you.

O S

Actually, I very nearly had a threesome last weekend...

All I needed was another two people.

I can't speak for the others but my thanks came for someone who actually wanted to look at a website called Lotion-in-the-Basket.com!  

Dear Paul... thank you for your clarification. I understand what you're saying, but once again I don't agree and think we don't have the same definition of "friend with benefits". I am not a machine, I can't just get into any relationship and check all of my emotions and feeling at the door... as much as I would love to be able to do that, I can't.

Funny enough, here's an email I received from a very dear friend this morning... and I think she pretty much nailed it (I love my friends!!). You have to agree with her too Paul??

So the swiss guy you liked, and got your fingers burnt, and the latest guy didnt click and your ego took a hit?

As a girl wanting something casual why are you chatting on the internet first?  Isnt this already early steps to build a connection (dare I say a relationship of sorts)?  Why not get the pub, get a few drinks in you and wait for the guys to show up...which they will, pick one you like and then take them home, if a casual affair forms great, if not, move on to the next.

Now the opportunity is to good to resist, I must plug my web site!  Its not a dating web site, its a free book, which does talk about dating, meeting via the internet, relationships and friends with benefits.  Maybe you will enjoy the read, as said its free and on line.

www.readingaboutlife.com

throbmonsters dot ch.... I actually snorted coffee through my nose at that one

Going back to the original post, I think Peter Griffin said it best...

Peaky, There are different categories of casual relationships. I'll try to list  

1. "bar pick-up",

2. "booty call",

3. "friends with benefits (FWB)",

4. "the bit on the side"

5. "the professional"

They all require varying degrees of communication before you embark on them. The key is having a clear picture of what you want and what works for you. You can't pick up an FWB in a bar. As the name suggests, they have to be a friend first. You get to know them a bit (at the very least by chatting with them) and then the sex comes later.

Rich honey... I do, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here, sharing some personal stories and taking BS or mean comments from people I don't even know :). It's part of the game... as long as it's stay on a happy/humourous note, I'm fine with that.

But if you prefer, you can hang out there ;)

http://www.glocals.com/forums/general/The-Argument-Thread---for-all-you-angry-argumentative-misunderstood-people-203264.htm

*as long as it stays!! (why can't we edit our posts!!)

Im impressed, and clearly behind the times

So in this case the objective is the benefits.  It seems little friendship is forming.  Only forming "friendship" with tall handsome guys (via some dating/sex web site) and within 3 meetings the benefits occur.  So where does this fall?

My interpretation of Friends with benefits are genuine friends, people that get on and have done for a while and then form some lust or romantic desire.  But it is never the end goal.

If it is one of the twos end goal, then that person probably wants more than simply FWB.

So as the end goal is regular casual sex with a person you hardly know, would this not be the cyber equivalent of a bar pick up?

Peaky,

If I were to go strictly by my list I would say having regular casual sex with someone you hardly know will fit into the booty call category. In this case, you arrange meetings strictly for sex and that's it.

However, like in any thing concerning relationships, things can be fluid. If you interact (online or offline) with the same person outside of the sex sessions in non-sexual activities, then that means there is another connection you can become acquaintances, friends even. 

As I've said before, being alert, honest and conscious of where you both stand in whatever relationship is the key. Know what you want and go for it. No point looking for a casual if what you really desire is a committed relationship and vice-versa, somebody ends up being hurt when it could have been prevented. 

One shag can be a booty call, or a ONS, or just a shag... two shags with the same person... getting close to FWB... three or more shags and its a relationship...of sorts...

And yes .. men know that women shag with their emotions, and as a result there is no such thing as emotionless sex.

Well, a bit too much of a generalisation buit you're right it's extremely rare :-)

Charlie, 

You are right, there is no such thing as emotionless sex. And I don't think anyone wants emotionless sex anyway. You still want to a least like the person to a certain extent. I won't sleep with someone I hate.  I know for a fact that men aren't entirely emotionless too. Yes you menfolk can compartmentalize better than women but I have experienced where it's the man that wanted more than I can give at that time in my life.

Which brings me to my next point. In my opinion, it's the expectations not the emotions that come from having sex with someone is what we want to control to varying degrees. Flowers, ego-stroking, compromising, planning a future, arguing over what car or shade of magnolia paint to buy don't feature in a casual setting.  Not everyone is emotionally equipped to, or even aspire to a committed relationship. But we all still have physical needs to meet at a risk level that is acceptable to your personality.

Generally, in my experience,  sleeping with someone you know but dont intend to have a relationship with can cause awkwardness, especially if fuelled by alcohol at the start.

Plus for many men I know there needs to be an "attraction" in order to perform beyond a kiss.

"Friends are friends, pals are pals, and buddies sleep together."

Physical relationships are becoming more and more casual and in my opinion it's not easier for girls as many may say. Also i dont agree with Charlie about the "emotionless sex" part (not talking about my experience here) but there are women who can have emotionless sex as well as there are men incapable of emotionless sex.
In theory "friends with beneficts" would be easier than relationships... i believe most of the times it's the opposite.
Most times women tend to say what men want to hear... men listen and then the women claim there's a part they never said, but men should know about it, because well... for women is logical so it should be for men too (but this could be another topic already).

In conclusion, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", (nice book!) :)

I think you can have the sex with someone you like and maintain a kind of detached relationship, in a compartment,of you like, where you both agrée to the rules of the set  up( ie no expectations, no demands, no idea of limiting the other in any way) In this way, it is always a pleasure to meet eachother because........you meet only for pleasure! You also respect eachother as individuals and assume no " rights" over the other.

in some ways it can be healthier than the standard couple set up with all the built in problems  that come from proprietorial attitudes, expectations that lead to disappointments, jealousy,resentment for demands not met etc.

it can be very liberating- if lacking in many other areas, for sure.

And so it was intended ...At least something where I didn't fail ... nice of you to say Richdog (I will pretend to ignore the obvious hint of sarcasm implied)

You handled this trolling with pure class! Love! Love! Love!

I had a proper laugh reading your post!

I need to ask my Belgium friend if he's guilty!

Thank you Janet!! I'm glad there's people like you who understand that I was just sharing my failed attempts, nothing more. :)

Hi Phoebe,

Totally agree with Janet re your handling of the trolling. Can't understand why people need to be mean to other people just for the sake of it! What a waste of energy. Really like your openness and ability not to take the whole dating/FWB thing seriously.

I have to say, I don't quite understand the concept of "friends with benefits". I thought it was literally a friend who since neither of you are in a relationship, you decide to have sex with each other. That would imply you are already friends and enjoy each others company, and already have the boundaries set. 

Looking for friends with benefits on the internet seems quite difficult as your experience has proven. The people on dating sites (or so it seems from what people tell me) are either people who are looking for a serious relationship or people who want to find a lot of different people to sleep. Either way, if you find someone who wants to sleep around s/he will likely want to keep looking for different people or if s/he is down with having regular casual sex with one person, that doesn't mean you have enought in common to be "friends". I guess my point is that the friends part needs to come first. 

The name is wrong, its abuse of the word "friend". Just to make it more acceptable, F-buddy has been given this name. While I have no problem with anyone F-ing anyone else I hope we dont confuse people re this beautiful relationship called "friendship".

Richdog, Your comment was a condescending and sarcastic. You were trolling.

If you don't know what trolling is, here is a very apt urbandictionary definition of trolling:

The art of deliberately, cleverly, and secretly pissing people off, usually via the internet, using dialogue. Trolling does not mean just making rude remarks: Shouting swear words at someone doesn't count as trolling; it's just flaming, and isn't funny. Spam isn't trolling either; it pisses people off, but it's lame.

The most essential part of trolling is convincing your victim that either a) truly believe in what you are saying, no matter how outrageous, or b) give your victim malicious instructions, under the guise of help.

Now go back to your comment and decide for yourself. If all you said in your original post was that you agree with Paul_D, then that would have been ok. You would have made a meaningful contribution to the thread and validated another persons point of view. This is fine, we don't all have to have the same opinion on this thread but snide remarks are totally unnecessary.

You can easily also argue the same for the word "buddy" which is also a warm, fuzzy colloquial for the term friend. In my opinion, if any one thing is responsible for confusing the word "friend" it will be Facebook. My friends in real life don't "poke" me or write on my "timeline" . But going back to the terms relevant to this thread, I will not equate an "F-Buddy" with an FWB. A synonymous term will be "the booty call". 

 FWB was not coined to make it more acceptable, it is a label that has been assigned to describe a certain type of casual relationship. Simple as. It's not a conspiracy. There some people who consider each other friends and then decide to go from a platonic to a sexual relationship. 

Thank you, Richdog .

Defination of friend according to dictionary "a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations."

Buddy is informal and can be used for many things, look up dictionary. I don't know what's a booty call. It's the first time in my life I am seeing this here on this thread and that too from only you and no one else, thanks for adding into my vocabulary.

Hi Mona. As instructed by your good self, I looked it up and the Oxford dictionary actually does define buddy as a close friend (informal). See link below

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/buddy?q=buddy.

I wish I had invented and copyrighted the term "booty call", I'd be minting it. Sadly, I didn't 

Yes good! Your link does say "INFORMAL, CHIEFLY NORTH AMERICAN" and it also gives other definations of buddy like "used as a form of address to a man whose name is not known:I’m working on it, buddy" or may be "I am F-ing you buddy" ;)

I am really not arguing about which word to use or not but a FRIEND is a friend just like the defination I gave you before. 

Thank you Mona. As far as I can see your position is that you don't care much for the term "Friends With Benefits (FWB)" because, in your mind, the word friend should lack any sexual connotation and has been misappropriated. But you prefer the term "f-buddy" So your last statement "not arguing about which word to use" is a contradiction
My position is regardless of whether you are comfortable with the FWB label, it has existed for a while and has meaning of it's own. In my opinion, "F-buddy" and "FWB" are not one and the same thing.

We will just have to agree to disagree on this one, sweetheart. I will not be debating this subject any further.

I totally agree with your friend! She knows what she is talking about!

A few weeks ago I get drunk (alcohol doesn't help guys) and I f***ed with a friend of mine (OMG) and after that I did not know how to look at him, I was ashamed. But then, I thought to have a f*** relationship whith him and he replied he wanted a serious relationship... So, it doesn't work anymore! No more discussion!

Since then, I don't dare to see him anymore (We are?/were? close friends and have very good friends in common) Oh Shit!!

Now, I've met a new guy, with the intention of nothing serious (FOR THE MOMENT while we know each other, maybe) but he wants clearly something serious, he's a cop (yes, policeman) and, well... I am a little scared! XD But I must confess he's the most shy guy I've ever met and I like him, I really do. He's very sweet! I think I am scared to fall in love and accept someone else in my life (it's not easy). I don't like to hurt someone's feelings at all!

I totally agree with your friend! She knows what she is talking about!

A few weeks ago I get drunk (alcohol doesn't help guys) and I f***ed with a friend of mine (OMG) and after that I did not know how to look at him, I was ashamed. But then, I thought to have a f*** relationship whith him and he replied he wanted a serious relationship... So, it doesn't work anymore! No more discussion!

Since then, I don't dare to see him anymore (We are?/were? close friends and have very good friends in common) Oh Shit!!

Now, I've met a new guy, with the intention of nothing serious (FOR THE MOMENT while we know each other, maybe) but he wants clearly something serious, he's a cop (yes, policeman) and, well... I am a little scared! XD But I must confess he's the most shy guy I've ever met and I like him, I really do. He's very sweet! I think I am scared to fall in love and accept someone else in my life (it's not easy). I don't like to hurt someone's feelings at all!

You call this honesty? I've rarely seen any post of you, wich did NOT contain, sarcasm, irony, know-it-all attitude etc. – seems to be your style of communication. 

See my post no *39....

I rest my case.

I agree, no attraction, nothing rises to the 'occasion'. And its good to have attractive friends who are not serious but are mature enought to know its not a relationship but SEX.

Sex is sex.

Luv is love. (and then sex is not the same, more considerations)

So if your looking for sex, dont complicate it, just say lets have sex and enjoy it. If the other persons says after, I want to be serious, just say are you serious because Im not and just wanted a shag. No reason to be ashamed of sex and it its a good stress release.

But what the heck do I now, its all second guessing and not everyone says the truth.

Good point Lizzy t - I was also wondering if I was the only lucky member to experiment his warm and fuzzy charms :)

On a more serious note, I am trully curious to have more guys feedback on this topic. How do you gentlemen handle these type of relationships? Do you talk about it? Do you just play along?

I obviously didn't get it (hence the sharing of my experiences here) and will never get it. My intentions here have never been to pretend I knew what I was doing, on the contrary!! I thought I could try something different and came here to share, still in a fun a relaxed spirit... I am the first one to laugh at myself and find this all so ridiculous, but if this can generate an interesting or fun debate... I'm happy to be ridiculous :)

I am really taking a break from any form of dating until I figure out what is it I want.... hmmm... wait! maybe not a good idea!!  ha ha ha

I met a girl once and we had sex...

I also met another girl and we didnt have sex... 

im still friends with both of them... 

Sex is good , friends are good... why make it complicated... 

IN Richdogs defence as for the trolling ... well i dont think the victim was convinced of anything.. was there even a victim ? nor were there any instructions given, it was a comment albeit in a slightly sarcastic one... The comments were invited by simply posting on here. As for secretly pissing someone of, i dont think richdogs intent was do do that at all, in fact was the victim pissed off at all ? . So IMHO there was no trolling :)

maybe this thread should join the argumentative one on here :)

Im leaving soon , so I wish all of you a truly wonderful and happy life. Its been great entertainment on here for the last 5 years, and ive made some wonderful freinds

Thank you Glocals... and thank you for all your support.

May your God be with you ... 

You are right Karl N, I didn't feel offended or pissed off by Richdog posts... just disappointed by his answers... so maybe "trolling" was too strong a word to use there, but I get why Janet would feel that way. It's easier to constantly look down (hiding behind sarcasm and irony) on people than to add a valuable/personal contribution.

So thank you Janet for your support and your great contributions!

Cue Nick L , where are you when your'e needed :) 

There is something about those Blegium guys in here. So far all handsome and good in bed. Phoebe let's move to Belgium then?  ;) Too much disappointment here in Geneva.

hey,

you don't have to move to Belgium. Moving to Zürich will do just fine :-)

Belgian rescue on the way!!  and you know what ? it is available outside buro hours as well! :-)

No disappointment here in Lausanne !

=> 30-day orgasm-back guarantee

Don't miss this fantastic opportunity, only once in a lifetime!

 LOL. How does this guarantee work? You get your orgasm back after 30 days??? 

@Janet : you have 30 days to have as many orgasms as you can :)

YES WE CAN!

@Lisa: in this case you have an extra 30-day period to return them

I must say for someone looking to find people up for a casual runner sort this thread is a goldmine selection!! haha

Nick,

I went to Zürich not long time ago and what a surprise - no Belgium guys anywhere (You must have been out of town or smthg). No cute guys at all to be quiet specific :( moving idea makes me wonder, that it might be just like in Geneva -> disappointing, because love department just sucks here ! 

Tom,

All of a sudden guys are offering 30 days orgasm tryout ? Why isn't there more guys like that since obviously there is so many women out here looking for something :) ? 

@Natalie: why isn't there more girls like that who wants to try?

@Beezee: keep your breath for orgasms!

hey Natalie,

well, too bad for you, you deserved it, you should have mailed me  before you came to zürich!! next time you drop by, just drop me a line and I'll try to change that opinion of yours in a positive way!! Deal? Otherwise you can still move to belgium and gather more extensive experiences :-)

greetz

Nick, good ol' belgian

12 points for preciosa!!

OR.... send an open letter to Belgium to send their fellas to Switzerland. Referendum or not, let them in!! :D

I don't know how I missed this comment. What's with the Obama-ism though?

Anyway this is my final offer: I'll let you buy me dinner over which we can discuss the finer details of this orgasm contract. I'll need two references at the least to vouch for your "abilities" 

Part of that contract will be for you to report back to me after the experience (doesn't have to be on the forum though email is fine too lol) 

@Janet & Phoebe: I tought that adult ladies would come and see for themselves, not letting anybody else make up their mind

Smooth! Nice try. Nothing wrong in asking about your "employment" history . We still get to make our own minds up!

Nick,

why don't you come to Geneva and show us all what's the 'Belgium thing' that we are obviously missing out here ;)

Tom,

not many girls that want to try? Did you read how many women would jump in for the opportunity if there actually would be guys in Geneva with smaller ego and bigger .... feet ;) 

Hi there,

Libertinage is much less trendy in Geneva than Paris.  Why don't you put up some online-ad on the Paris market requesting candidates to show up in Geneva ? Or make the trip yourself at the end of the week ?

Assuming it's not clear from the start I'm one, definitely put me in the wrong guys category w/ respect to your plans as for whatever reason I can't feel any personality match with girls not 15 years older than me

Bon Courage :)

Neg alert!  

Don't worry crea, we have Tom T, Nick L and all the fellas that will be coming from Belgium soon to chose from.

<whisering> These Belgium boys better be good or we will have a lot of disappointed ladies on glocals 

Ladies,

i suggest we meet for a drink and enjoy some belgium experience stories :D

Or just a drink. Nothing wrong with that either!

Is that called 'waffling'? 

I'm down with that!! Great idea Natalie W and Janet :)

Rich: LOL

Well,

are you guys a soccer fans? there is a champions league tonite ( we all know that this means lots of guys at the bar :D) and I'm going with preciosa to Lady Godiva for a few drinks - if you don't have plans, feel free to join :) 

Phoebe ... forgive me - I am late to this thread ... I was wondering whether any "advice", or "comments" made here have helped you answer some of your questions?

Hello Rei F - some of the comments did help me reinforce the idea that this is not something I wish to pursue :) Would have been good to hear more from the guys point of view though :)

Natalie W - sorry can't make it tonight but will get in touch by email to discuss other options. Have fun!

Great idea ladies. I can't make tonight Natalie, but if you can PM me too, Phoebe, what will be fab. Have fun!

Here's my two cents ...

"some of the comments did help me reinforce the idea that this is not something I wish to pursue :)"

I think it would be a shame to take a definitive stance whichever way you think about the concept of "Friends-with-benefits" ... why not just "stay open" - i.e. - drop the rules (whatever those rules may be that you find yourself having established). There was a reason why you persued this thread and line of conversation in the first place. You're clearly intrigued by the concept - you're exploring your feelings - both emotionally and physically  ... so stay open - lightening may strike!!?  ...

Would have been good to hear more from the guys point of view though :)

There simply isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to this concept (unintentional puns in use here ... ). No quick-fix either. In each of those three examples you gave you had three different and revealing experiences. Who's to say that another three experiences doesn't establish what it is that works for you? ... and (let's be honest), the chances of you getting a solid, serious response from your average guy to a thread like this is like finding one of them sober at Lady Godiva ... but there were some - to be fair ...

I think the letter you received from your friend "Darling Phoebe, I just want you to remember one thing..." was most enlightening and the best approach to this issue yet ... pity it was written by a girl - I assume ...

I would say this though ...

The concept of "Friends-with-benefits" does require one to have established a solid grounding of "friendship" first one would think ... hence the name? I can imagine the "benefits" part being easier to negotiate when two people trust each other and have a firmer idea of the dynamic of their relationship. I don't associate this then with what it is you seem to be looking for ...

Many thanks for this very instructive topic!

Many thanks to you, Ladies, for your contributions!  What a contrast with the guy’s ones and with what I’ve been used until now!  Girls I met and have been with never, or so less, expressed their feelings, their wishes and particularly about sex! 

Are you the same in “real live” or only behind a keyboard? Or do I come from another planet?

Very instructive for me as before I had no idea about FWB…

And it helps now to understand the “crash” of my last relationship!

I was hoping more than she could give.  She was for a FWB relationship I didn’t understand.  We had more and more moments together, doing different kind of activities, planning some weekends together, having sex too… well not enough from my side, having maybe a more “active” libido than her, … or being not good enough…?
She seemed to be happy, but it never has been possible to plan or do more than that… 
Giving to me an ambiguous feeling of frustration, as I didn’t and couldn’t understand her, but also a great feeling of happiness when we were together, sharing those very good moments!

What happens and why?

Frustrations and misunderstandings became higher and/or bigger, and finally we don’t see each other anymore...

Why?  “Venus and Mars”?  Maybe?  But for sure a big lack of communication and then mutual understanding…  
I told her my wishes, my difficulties to understand her’s and objectives or whatever..., but she never said clearly what she wants or not…  Or maybe I couldn’t or wouldn’t understand it?

So thanks again Ladies!  You help me to finally understand one of “yours”!

Hope to have the opportunity to discuss and go further, and those themes and others..., preferably in “real live”! 
And last but not least, being a “fella” you never tried before, coming from the Belgian “plat pays”, and knowing a little bit more about FWB, …

sorry,

my bugatti veyron just broke down, that's why, when coming from Zürich, I won't make it on time tonight to see you girls at the drink :-(

that sounds like an intersting invitation...

if it works out, we both sleep in your bed, and if it doesn't work out, I sleep in your bed and you on the couch ;-)  Oh, some bacon and scrambled eggs are just fine for me for breakfast ...

Nick, 

That's why I always tell you never to buy second hand replicas. They never last when you need them.

true true,

probably made in china too!!

Mate,

This is the right occasion to take out your brand new red hot Ferrari though.

Just saying..

I should have never bought the damn thing from you in the first place!!

Get a life ...

Geneva is that bad - it's just a sad truth, after a year I can repeat myself:

love department sucks out here :(

That's the thing about being in a right place at the right time, I ended up in bed with preciosa - no cute guys tonite for us.

aint nobody got time to cook breakfast in the morning Nick, espacially when they guy is sleeping over - as a Belgium you should have know it by now ;) I bet all the girls out here wiill agree that invitation for all the single, cute and especially Belgium guys is open.

come to Geneva - wherever you are ! ;)

This is propably one of the funniest and best threads that I´ve read here in Glocals. :)
I agree with lot of you guys and I think who ever reads this thread will find lots of good answers and advices.

To be honest and giving my own contribution to this coversation my personal experiences about FWB:s has been good and we always had mutual agreement what is it all about and we stayed friends after it´s over, for whatever was the reason.

Whenever I had friend like this, it was always between my long relationships when I was quite a mess, sad and depressed and I think it helped me a lot on those times. It might not work for everybody, but for me it did.
Some might call this a rebound, but like I said, it was always a clear thing for both of us that it´s just fun between two friends.
Anyway, like there has been said many times already. Be honest to yourself and to your friend and speak up if things don´t work out or you start feeling something different.

Always tell people how you feel about them. If you tell them, it may break your heart, but by saying nothing you might break theirs.

-M-

P.s I know my English sucks, but I´m too tired to use google translator and so on. ;)

Hi, ladies I I think it’s don’t make sense to have a discussion on this topic. They have not been able to understand and don’t want to....For couple of the men it’s like - Geneva isn't that bad, so why try and strive for something better?!........ 

 Going to Juventus and Galatasaray game and hoping to find belgian guys is a little bit optimistic. You want to have mussels and you go to a kebab shop what were you expecting?

Look out for these teams (Anderlecht,Cercle Brugge,Charleroi,Club Brugge,Genk,Gent,Kortrijk,Lierse,Lokeren,Mechelen) and perhaps you will find your object(s) of interest

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Sure Charlie, sure!!!!! :)

Well,  brad h (funny your pic over here) If i looks like a chicken on my own pic, maybe I can be also clever as u are!!! I can agree that maybe there is some girl stuff what a men can’t understand, but in same time guys do also a things what we, women cant get it. So don’t come with this old topic about fake naits etc. 

The most is a trust between two people. Give me some answer why some married or guys who has a girlfriend propose a date for other girls!!!??? I had that kind of situation. And when I ask a guy why he wanna date with me in same time he is not single - answer is: he can’t do in a sex the same things what he can do with some random girls!!! His gf/wife not so goon is sex, but he wanna some fun etc. But the rest is ok, he love his gf/wife! In this kind of situation he is not correct with his gf and also he takes me as a bitch. But thats is ok, cuz he feels like he wanna some fun!!!! (not really nice)

So then u wanna told me it’s normal?! 

Or there is some guys who beginning of relations just disappear and finally excuse is - he feel bad, he need his time, he not sure about he wants, he feel still in love his ex, he not ready for relations etc, I call them - pussy, not real man!!!! 

All those post of some guys over here for this topic is typical answers what can give only some assholes, to make excuses for some other assholes over here!!!!

Anyway, I know I will get some not so nice answers about my post here, but you can tell me or try to prove whatever you want. I will not change my opinion till some will show me some real man here who knows how treat woman, how to take resposibility about he said or promises, who not cheat his gf or wife, who can make feel a woman happy and be not only good in bed but also be a good friend and person who trust!!!!

Thank you so much for your input Rei F...

My story has nothing original - a brokenheart initiated this madness.

The reason why I wanted to explore this "FWB" is very simple. I fell (hard) for a guy 3 years ago, it was a mutual attraction (I was confirmed not too long ago) but nothing happened as he was in between his ex-wife and a psycho girlfriend...complicated situation. Long story short, and 1 brokenheart later... it took me over a year to get over him, I had to cut him off completely to help the process. After that I decided that I didn't want to go through this pain again and that's how the idea of "FWB" made it's way into my head.

The whole concept sounded very cool, I thought "I'm a grown woman, I'm not afraid to express what I want (or don't want)... it should be easy to find a guy with the same mind set".

But where I was obviously wrong, it that I was trying to build a friendship after a sexual one, and that's not easy.

This says as much about your ability, or inability, to pick the right guys to go on a date with , as it does about of quality of guys youre dating or have dated.

Some "good" guys that you would hope for will simply not need to proove to you how good they are, since with that negative "i hate men " attitude its unlikely you will actually end up meeting them.

My advice, perhaps try a more old fashioned way of dating men, where you get to know them before committing to them or sleeping with them, and you will then have a better understanding of their character, intents, abilities and trustwrthyness. A decent guy who is smitten with you will still chase you, and make enough effort to win over your heart...

just my impression and opinion... I may be wrong... 

One thing I'd like to make clear as well, is that I am in no way blaming the guys for anything that happened. I am responsible as much as they were, we just weren't on the same page at the same time.

They were all very decent men and for that I really feel lucky (cause I did meet my share of liars cheaters too, but these usually don't make it to the 1st date).

This threat is super amusing, also kind of funny to know that girls in Geneva are super desperate.  

Anyway, did you ladies think that if guys are not interested then there is something wrong with you ? Maybe you need a diet or do some more sport ?

Really funny, going to football match to hook up with some guys, hahaha. Seriously ? I gotta tell that one to my wife (she apparently didn't have a problem in finding a guy and never went to a football match)

And of course, as usual you chicks who behave like this are selfish, broken heart this broken heart that, how about the guys you behave improperly with ? Maybe your problem is that you are ugly from the inside and it reflects from the outside.

Charlie, u are not wrong at all!!! Maybe u can show me that places where can find some good guys, if they exist :) No really, I don’t hate a men, it’s just the way I feel Geneva region, and this is my reaction of some not so nice post over here. Nothing peronal to enyone here. Anyway, girl even don’t have a sleep with a guy, to notice if he is asshole or good guy. That can see of his attitude, but sometimes we see that too late, when we are already open a heart and he is used a trust. That is the main problem. I think also if we talk about some girls, it’s the same. 

Richdog...is that you?? ha ha ha...sorry

Thank you aires marques - I hope you feel much better now that you spilled your heinous venom onto this thread and some of the women.

Pointless and mean comment, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself :)

Amen, God has spoken!!! 

What kind of advice is go on a diet?. So slim/sporty women don't get heartbroken or have relationship problems according to your logic? 

You have a wife, yet you're poking around on an FWB thread. I feel sorry for said wife.

She's clearly short-changed herself landing a spiteful man such as yourself for a husband.

You have nothing to contribute to this thread so take a hike! Geneva women have no use for you or your comments, desperate as we may be.

Of course I am poking around in this threat, it's super funny. But Janet, seriously, only desperate women such as yourself interpret it as a sign of interest or looking for something, and if I was looking for something I would try to confort you gals and be such a nice understanding gentleman, catch you vunerable and then ... SCORE!  Come on you guys who are understanding these crazy chicks, that's your plan, admit it.

Thank you for your advice on taking a hike, I will definately go for a snow hike this weekend.

Sorry for generalizing on the diet, is just that slim and sporty women with great personalities also have relationship problems but they don't seem to have the permanent long term problem that the ladies here are showing, I mean, the desperation level shown here is just over the top.

Cheers,

See post 141

And by the way, I comment whatever I like, this site doesn't exist for the exclusive use of women trying to find dudes.

Usual chick behavior, thinking that world is made exclusively for them. From that perspective, this forum and this threat is made to amuse me :-D

I actually meant post 140.... I stand by my words. Go away and stay away. You must be desperate yourself to talk to and about desperate women. Goodbye!

Yep! Usual chick behaviour, just like that wife you claim to have. 

Does anyone on this thread actually believe this man has a wife? I mean who will be so desperate to want to spend the rest of their life with such obnoxiousness.

Just something to add to this - from my experiences when I was single. IMHO bars and clubs are usually the last place you'll find Mr or Ms Right. I can empathise with both sexes as for men there's that feeling that some (notice I said SOME not ALL) women are just about to ask you for your 5 year plan, last six months bank statements, audited financials (if available) and then drop you with some scathing comment.

For female friends I've known, the version whereby the guys are acting like its a meat market and almost trying to trade women like baseball cards. And both sexes are trying to project an image which really isn't them resulting on a short term relationship followed by crushing disappointment when they can't keep the act up.

If this discussion has moved on to where do you find good guys or normal women (don't you think 'good' and 'normal' are highly underrated as adjectives? Especially after a dating a few basket cases!) then I'd suggest through your interests or hobbies, whatever they may be; hiking, photography, wine-tasting, whatever...

Reason being both parties have a common interest already in the activity, they're not 'trying' so hard, they're more relaxed, they're in an environment where they feel more comfortable and unlike a bar it's not got that undercurrent of 'Oh Christ! This dickhead wants to pull me'. I met women who I went on to have good relationships with through Ifage, Chex (cooking class in Geneva - don't know what happened to it) and the comedy night. The best event I ever attended was the one where I met my wife at a Nyon Glocals event for a Chinese Restarant evening. Believe me - stuffing my face with Chinese food is an environment where I do feel comfortable! 

I don't want to come across as preachy as I did have a great laugh, met some great people and have some good memories in the bars in Geneva; Spring Brothers, Flannagans, XS and Shakers when they were within 20 metres of each other in the Old Town (showing my age now) but they weren't the place to find 'the one'.

Just something to mull over.

You even can support what you just wrote here?! Interesting what you wife could say of your comments here?! You don’t have any respect to women.
P.S. You should work for you vocabulary. Chicks you can find on farm, not between humans!!! maybe you have sexual problems and you prefer animal world?!

In Lausanne you will find nice guys lol

Move on Jolanta!

Janet: Oh yes I have. She is also a user in glocals. Anyway, I am not the one who came here complaining about the opposite gender in first place.

Jolanta: I respect women, just not crazy desperate ones who embarass the whole gender with illogical prose.

guys, come one, someone give me thumbs up for dealing with these psycho-chicks in the front line of fire ?

Now I have work to do... bye

Good to know that eheheheh 

Charlie!!!!!!!!! 

@Charlie: Ha ha ... I was not especially selling myself on this case :) Anyway you raise a good point lol

I mean that despite the small distance the mentality seems to be different

Thanks Charlie/Tom T for your support . Looks like the ghastly troll "aires marques" has left the building. Touch wood or he might be back :)

With only 5 posts to his name, looks like a bogus account was created solely to cause trouble.

Yes, I created a bogus account with my real name just to annoy you Janet. As always your logical and analytical skills are sharp as a razor blade.

Ah, wait, not quite. Actually I came online yesterday to post a classified to sell my car (please feel free to look for it and buy it, I promise I will be nice then) and this post with an interesting suggestive name just popped right after the login page.

Oh well, I guess I just reduced my potencial buyer base with my throlling around.

@Jolanta: I see that you work in child care, this should be an advantage for finding a man and taking care of him

 Should be, but not really works out ehehehe  

OK Aires Marques. Enough.

You've had your fun. We have entertained you with our desperation. You have insulted all Geneva women as well as the men on this thread who have tried in one way or another to offer advice on this topic. You have pooped on the birthday cake too. 

Don't you think it's time you left the party and concentrate on selling your car?

What kind of comments is this ? An advice to go on a diet ?! You are a little piece of sh%it :) no one should be saying that to any woman - it's like I would tell you: get a bigger d&$i%#ck if you want to even talk to me because I can bet that you have a small one, by seeing your frustration here.

let's be honest, you are juddging girls here for going to a bar and having a laugh how we supposedly went to find guys during the game - dude, if I wanna go to watch soccer and I'm surrounded by guys then I say it's a good evening :) nothing for you to comment. 

A*S*S*H*O*L*E, I'm fabolous- you are the one ugly inside and out.

(Nir I'm sorry for the language, couldn't say it in a nicer way :) ).

Thumbs... probably not. But I can think of another finger...

Natalie W: Sure I am here to hit on you all desperate girls. But hey, I didn´t write any private message to any of you did I ? Analysing the logics, it´s either because I am not doing that, or because I think none of you is worth it, for possible different reasons. But why I am trying to explain logics to someone who would never get it.

Following my good line of initial advice. Maybe you should also check with an endocrinologist if all is well with your hormones, because you are acting histerical and saying nonsense.

... how typical, you came here because you wanted to be listened to and conforted and silly stuff like that, and then felt super offended because someone said something a little incorrect but honest.

I am here for the fun, because I found this thread funny.

Peace and goodbye.

ps: I offer 1000 CHF cash to anyone who finds any message I wrote to any woman here hitting on her. Serious.

Thanks for the good laugh!!!

Pls refer to the recent thread regarding the "the game" which details pick up techniques.... I think you are using the old "negging" technique, and as such you are hitting on the girls via initial abuse with a hope to making them feel vulnerable and open to suggestions...

I therefore claim the 1000chf....

Thanks

That's actually a good argument Charlie, you are obviously much smarter than those other girls that were answering me. Now, the other evidence you need to collect your money is an actual private message where I continue and try to close, now I am pretty open about that, anything will do, an apology or even further insult, anything. Please provide that and give me your bank details and u get it. 

I might be an as@&*le and direct but I will keep the promise if you offer evidence.

#/bin/ksh
# Script: ifasshole.sh
# Usage: $0 $1 $2

export name1=$1
export name2=$2
export noun='a$$hole'

ifasshole(){

if [[ $name1 = "Richdog" && $name1 = "airesmarques" ]];
then
echo "${name} is an ${noun} and ${name1} is ${name2}" ;
exit 0

else
exit 1
fi
}
####
# Run function ifasshole at the $ prompt
#####

ifasshole Richdog airesmarques

Charlie!!! You win a money!!! :) 

I just wonder what this guy mean by:  you are obviously much smarter than those other girls!!! Those other girls?! If you said just "other girls", it’s enough :) Charlie is a man, not a girl! I put my point on "OTHER", sorry, it was just funny to read this :D

Cheers 

aires marques :) 

Damn, made a mistake. I know Charlie is a guy.

Now I know why nobody wants you... It's too much Linux that is bad for you. Linux is known among men that it can cause long periods of bachelorship, now you show that the same also applies to women.

I bet you had to google Linux to know what it is. And apparently you can't read and comprehend properly because Linux is an operating system (just like Windows) not a scripting language. 

You know what? I used to think the good men were all taken. Now I know the bad ones are too. I must thank the unfortunate woman that did us all a favour and took you off the market. Now go back to her and tell her how hard you've worked all day today. 

Proudly show her all your lovely posts on this thread and say "Honey, see I saved you from the fate of these desperate woman, how about that blow job we talked about last month"

And she says "Yes sweetheart, sure thing"

I hope she bites your dick off in the process!

Bitter isn't it? The taste of your own medicine?

All what I can say after this excellent topic is: I got a good school today!!! There are 3 type of guys: Bad guys, good guys and then is "aires marques"  

You done? Now goodbye.

We suspended Aires and Janet for a while, so they cool down. No personal attacks allowed here. 

Nir, glocals admin