A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the Bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away".
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead", he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs,put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill.
"$150!", she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan...."
Global Forums > General > Monday's JOTD
Only members can see names and photos
Monday's JOTD
Mar 13, 2006 @ 13:45
The text you are quoting:
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the Bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away".
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead", he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs,put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill.
"$150!", she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan...."
BrogstaMar 13, 2006 @ 13:45
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away".
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead", he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs,put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill.
"$150!", she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan...."
BrogstaMar 13, 2006 @ 13:45
Your Reply:
Only members can see names and photos
Re: Monday's JOTD
Post 1
Mar 13, 2006 @ 15:26
was waiting for this since this morning! my bathroon floaded yesterday thanks to my lovely washing machine... and I've been miserable and cleaning the whole morning. My day is better now :)
The text you are quoting:
was waiting for this since this morning! my bathroon floaded yesterday thanks to my lovely washing machine... and I've been miserable and cleaning the whole morning. My day is better now :)
Hoiling, Mar 13, 2006 @ 15:26
Hoiling, Mar 13, 2006 @ 15:26
Your Reply:
Only members can see names and photos
Re: Monday's JOTD
Post 2
Mar 13, 2006 @ 17:52
ONE-POINT DARES
================
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2.To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3.Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
4.Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5.While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
6.When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
8.Don't use any punctuation.
9.Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10.Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
=================
1.Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3.Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4.Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
==================
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you Actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
6. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
7. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
8. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
9. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash biscuit with your fist.
10. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
12. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
13. Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine
and whisper loudly, "I'll call you tonight".
================
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2.To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3.Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
4.Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5.While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
6.When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
8.Don't use any punctuation.
9.Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10.Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
=================
1.Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3.Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4.Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
==================
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you Actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
6. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
7. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
8. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
9. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash biscuit with your fist.
10. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
12. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
13. Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine
and whisper loudly, "I'll call you tonight".
The text you are quoting:
ONE-POINT DARES
================
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2.To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3.Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
4.Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5.While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
6.When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
8.Don't use any punctuation.
9.Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10.Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
=================
1.Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3.Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4.Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
==================
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you Actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
6. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
7. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
8. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
9. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash biscuit with your fist.
10. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
12. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
13. Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine
and whisper loudly, "I'll call you tonight".
Phoebe, Mar 13, 2006 @ 17:52
================
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2.To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3.Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
4.Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5.While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
6.When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
8.Don't use any punctuation.
9.Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10.Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
=================
1.Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3.Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4.Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
==================
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you Actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
6. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
7. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
8. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
9. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash biscuit with your fist.
10. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
11. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
12. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
13. Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine
and whisper loudly, "I'll call you tonight".
Phoebe, Mar 13, 2006 @ 17:52
Your Reply:
Only members can see names and photos
Re: Monday's JOTD
Post 3
Mar 13, 2006 @ 21:52
gold Phoebs!
Only members can see names and photos
Re: Monday's JOTD
Post 4
Mar 14, 2006 @ 13:55
There is a Tv show in the UK called "office monkey" where 2 people in different offices are given tasks like those above to complete and the only one who is in on the joke is the boss , usually requires the participants to get colleagues to do something really outrageous without telling them the real reason. Would like to try it here but I think the Swiss sensibilities would be offended. Saw one episode where they convinced colleagues to answer the phone standing on the desk as it was more efficient!
The text you are quoting:
There is a Tv show in the UK called "office monkey" where 2 people in different offices are given tasks like those above to complete and the only one who is in on the joke is the boss , usually requires the participants to get colleagues to do something really outrageous without telling them the real reason. Would like to try it here but I think the Swiss sensibilities would be offended. Saw one episode where they convinced colleagues to answer the phone standing on the desk as it was more efficient!
britabroad, Mar 14, 2006 @ 13:55
britabroad, Mar 14, 2006 @ 13:55
Your Reply:
![[NYON] Dental Cleaning at Cheeze](https://buyclub.ch/_media/deals/5225_dl_photo_193bb.jpg)
