RULES OF WORK – Sarcasm at its best
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening
doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority.
I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change
your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having
to pay so much tax on the bonus check you received for being such a good
manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have
been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
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Rules of Work
May 8, 2009 @ 17:53
The text you are quoting:
RULES OF WORK – Sarcasm at its best
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening
doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority.
I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change
your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having
to pay so much tax on the bonus check you received for being such a good
manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have
been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
EhsaanMay 8, 2009 @ 17:53
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening
doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority.
I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change
your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having
to pay so much tax on the bonus check you received for being such a good
manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have
been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
EhsaanMay 8, 2009 @ 17:53
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