It helps me to set realistic goals and not to compare with others.

In fact an interesting question! Can't stop thinking about it... It helps me if

PS: You remind me of the below poem (yes, am having my emotional "five minutes... )

Your Playing Small does not serve the World

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate:

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually who are you not to be?
You are a child of God

Your playing small does not serve the world
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won’t feel insecure around you
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone
And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give
other people the right to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.

(Written by Marianne Williamson and formed part of Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech when he became President of South Africa).

On a different kind of line,but....

What helped me to change enormously was the death of my husband at an age where this was totally unexpected and kind of smashed up my life.

I discovered,during his illness, strengths I thought I never had.After his death,I found I had resources to face all kinds of challenges about living alone in a strange country(one I'd never really felt at home in and whose beaureaucracy did my head in)

And I learnt : to make the most of EVERY DAY and not to put things off for the future

to say "yes" to life

to avoid saying "I can't" - because I had learnt that I can!

So,hope that inspires someone somewhere.

Irina, do you use James Prochaska's six-stage model for change (precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, termination)? I read "Changing For Good" a few years ago and found the approach very interesting. I agree with the fact that the first three stages condition the success of the entire model, as well as the notion that sustained action, commitment, and a focus on self-efficacy (rather than just tangible rewards) will determine the integration of the new behavior (i.e., whatever your self-liberation goal may be) and therefore the feasibility of a lifestyle/lifelong change. A lot of people believe that they have managed to change whichever habit(s) they may have targeted -- as bad, poor or simply no longer bearable -- as soon as their behavior has been modified, even superficially, but then they "relapse" and old patterns come back to perturb the cycle of change.

Whatever the “trigger” may be when someone decides he/she is ready to change, and however one defines one’s course of action, I believe that the keys to sustainable change are in both finding new, constructive ways to cope and striving to relate not only to others but also to oneself in a healthier, more efficient way. This requires some self-(re)evaluation and therefore plenty of self-awareness, otherwise one cannot possibly “terminate” the cycle. What is most important is to go past behavioral modification in order to ensure a genuine, deep transformation of one's inner paradigm. That paradigm shift truly is essential, as many Eastern philosophies and healing practices have demonstrated for centuries. It is only when it occurs that one can/should effectively exit the cycle of change, with increased control over one’s environment, an improved ability to mentally prepare oneself for future long-term changes, and greater self-esteem & confidence to boot… 

Change is much easier if you do it for yourself, your deep self, not because you have been told you have to by your doctor/wife/husband/fashion/whatever, not because you want to please others or because you want to please yourself. Will is not just a matter of power, it is above all a matter of desire, and if the desire is strong, it is more likely to follow.

So I'd say that if you really want to change, you'd rather concentrate on the initial trigger, understand the reasons behind this behavior that bothers you, understand the reasons why it bothers you (and if it really bothers you that much), understand the reasons why you want to change and make sure you are ready for the move, rather than enter into these deadly cycles of faked change attempt, failure, guilt and eventually bitterness and self contempt.

Thank you for sharing your dramatic life-changing experience, I was deeply touched to receive it. You are an inspiration to your circle and beyond, reminding each of us of the inner strength that we possess, but often forget about. 

Beautiful!

Rena - beautiful personal philosophy, congratulations, you will go far with it 

For timing on any significant change just start today.

Don't wait for national no-smoking day, New Year's day, a milestone birthday or whatever. I almost died a couple of years ago (two hours away from it) and it took that for me to realise life's just too short to put things off.

http://www.richbits.com is the website of a guy (genius) called Darel Rutherford and in particular his book "Being the Solution".  

I downloaded the first 4 chapters (the link is on the left of the webpage) after getting frustrated with the usual self-help books, blogs, women's groups, therapy, blah-de-blah.   

Within the first chapter I was having more "Fook Me!" moments than I ever thought possible and immediately ordered the whole book.  

It's basis is that whatever situation you are in at any moment, then you have used your "god-like power" to get there and/or stay there by choice.  Ergo, you can use that same "god-like power" to make a change to who you are "BEING".  

Or to repeat my favourite quote in the book:

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. (Peter O'Toole).

(PS: I used the word "god" with a small "g" as the author acknowledges using it as an adjective, not necessarily as a noun)

To change we need:

1) Stop pretending its a big deal to change and thinking that we can not change

2) __Stop kidding ourselfs inside with self pity and horror stories__

3) Realize that WE WILL change we want it or not but its our choice if we are onboard with changes or not and that we can stir them.

4) Forget past. Forget future. Focus on a reality like a laser.

Julia E - I sort of get what you're saying and I think I agree with you - but could you say it again - a bit simpler (for lesser brained mortals like myself) and chop it into "soundbites" - i.e. just pretend I'm American (oops, sorry, US friends!).

But I think you have some very salient points that need clarifying - please! 

I agree with your observation.

I think its because human can be compared to a society.

And how do you change society?

It can be done with:

1) Revolution

or

2) Evolution

What you described is more of a slow evolution when there is no need even to change since you are already there after some time of "propaganda" and "brainwashing" :D

Most people want REVOLUTION but most of the times we have not strong enough support inside ourselfs to win it.

Previous post is to Julia E. Sadly there is no way to edit messages on the forum.