During this past January I had an interesting conversation with my immediate manager. 

Background is, I am a freelance IT consultant, working for a German company, and immediate manager in Turku, Finland. This was a draft of the conversation on Skype messenger. The conversation was at 730am. 

Me: Morning Boss

Boss: Good Morning Kevin, how was your holidays?

Me: All good, thanks, and you?

Boss: Perfect thanks. 

Me: Little problem this morning, I am as you know back home in Ireland. 

Boss: Yes...

Me: Well we do have a call at 1pm but I am not sure if I can make it. 

Boss: Ok, well we can move it up if you like. 

Me: mmmm well thats another issue. Thing is I'm on the west coast of Ireland, right at the tip, next stop USA. We are in the middle of a hurricane right now, and power has been out all night. Thats why Im online so early, woke up with cold. I have about 3 hours battery power left and then not sure what will happen, so will work as much as I can until then. My internet dongle is just about connecting, but my phone has no coverage. I would go to a friends, but the road was, ah taken away last night in the huricane. Tried to go earlier. 

Boss: wow. If it was anyone else I would think it was an excuse because being hungover. But I do believe you. 

Me: lol

Boss: let me know when you come back to the real world. And maybe think about travelling with full IT survival kits in future. We do that when we go north at winter, sat phones are good. 

Me: Good to know, just never considered Ireland an extreme place to live. 

Boss: Ive drank with you, Irish never consider anything they dont have to. 

Me: Point

Charlie I am disappointed in you, reusing something your already posted in your argument forum 

Is that the road to Knock airport?

Me (while I'm still waiting for the bus to work): I'm downstairs, outside the building. I've been here for the last 20 minutes.

Boss: Get here NOW! We have started the meeting without you.

Me: Do you have change for a 100 € note? The cabbie refuses to change it for me.

Boss: WTF? Can't you just ask someone else around?

Me: No. It's Monday morning, you know...Everything's shut here.

Boss: Whatever. Just get here quickly. We can't proceed with the meeting without you.

Me: Can't you just come downstairs with change for 100 €?

Boss: No. I told you we're in the meeting already.

Me: Or maybe just 28,70 €. That's what I need to get rid of this cabbie. He's scared I'll run away if he lets me out of sight. I should probably have him drive me around & look for a cash machine.

Boss: No...GRR. I can't talk. Just find it...get here somehow in the next ten minutes and I'll GIVE you 100€. We need this client's issues resolved like...yesterday.

<Mute> Me: TAXI!! <Unmute>

Me (within the confines of a taxi): Btw...what're y'all discussing? Maybe you could just conference me in...

Boss: That's ok...the client's not here yet. My assistant's just talking about her holidays. Just get here asap.

Ah bolloxs... loss of memory and repetative joke syndrome... not good... must see someone about that.

Point taken and thanks for the heads up.

Point taken and thanks for the heads up i am so worried now, did you give up drinking?

I just send the following photos to my boss, he beleives anything I send to him, he is one of the best managers I never had too work for.

second photo might get me a temporary ban :P

EVEN THE BEST EXCUSSES GET YOU HUNG BY THE B.....s

eh? Are ye mad?

Maybe i am  and St patricks day coming up as well, off course thought you gave it up for lent 

I gave up créme de menthe and boiled liver for lent....

And I gave up giving up.

You gave up giving up, we know you will not give up, alway have more spectacular and briliant advice coming, just cant wait as usual.

So ritchie, do you like whiskey or whisky?

Malt, please, especially if it’s Harry Freeman’s.

Ta, R.

'ad 1100 to 1300, Since wine was not easily obtained in Ireland and Scotland, barley beer was distilled into liquor which became whisky.'

You should try Colt 45 (malt liquor),One of the American malt speciaties :) yummy.

Whisky was first malted barley and later make into 'Water of life'.

any you must also use the specally marked bag.

Who or what is Harry Freeman’s?????

I know about Harry potter.

This is for Charlie

Congrats on knowing Harry Potter but watch it, you’re showing your age.

“Harry Freeman’s” is a fictitious brand name for something, particularly liquor, that is free and may be said of. say, the chap who nurses a shandy all night and never buys a round.

“Joe’s an odd chap, doesn’t drink much – except when it’s Harry Freeman’s.”

And now, Dear Dave, seeing as how there’s no such thing as a free lesson, where’s my bottle of malt?

LOL!!!

Anytime, for the Colt 45, your place or mine :P

Thank you so much for the very generous invitation.  I’ve asked for a day pass but I don’t think they’re going to let me out so I shall go cry into a blend instead.

R.

when i was at university i had a job at a lame faux-chic restaurant in berkeley. i would call in 'sick' all of the time. toward the end of my stint there, i was so fed up with the cheap, micro-managing owner that the very last time i called in sick....

i said i had eaten a massive super burrito with everything the night before and was having horrible, odorous, loud flatulence and would be too offensive for the customers to bear. all the while my boyfriend was making loud farting noises with his mouth in the background, loud enough so the owner could hear on the phone. scenario replete with me moaning and groaning pretending to be in digestive pain.

true story and TMI. sorry :)