The following questions were set in last year’s examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope from here on!)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (Wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby Asian answer!
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (Brilliant)
The following questions were set in last year’s examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope from here on!)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (Wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby Asian answer!
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (Brilliant)
Jeffery SMar 3, 2013 @ 14:51
Reminds me of this classic.
Excellent Jeffrey. However, if people want to say exams aren't getting easier with time I found this from an e-mail sent to me a couple of years ago. Guess teachers didn't need to turn to drink as much then...
Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an eighth-grade education? This is the eighth-grade final
exam from 1895 Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library
in Salina, Kansas and reprinted in the Salina Journal.
8TH GRADE FINAL EXAM: SALINA, KANSAS, 1895
GRAMMAR (TIME, ONE HOUR)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do,
lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. -10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you
understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.
ARITHMETIC (TIME, 1.25 HOURS)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many
bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cts./bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft.long at $20
per meter?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance
around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.
U.S. HISTORY (TIME, 45 MINUTES)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn
and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800,
1849,1865.
ORTHOGRAPHY (TIME, ONE HOUR)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography,
etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each:
Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions
under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi,
dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following and name
the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell,
rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences, cite, site, sight, fane,
fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation
by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
GEOGRAPHY (TIME, ONE HOUR)
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba,
Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same
latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.
This gives the saying of an early 20th century person that "he only had
an eighth-grade education" a whole new meaning! 
Excellent Jeffrey. However, if people want to say exams aren't getting easier with time I found this from an e-mail sent to me a couple of years ago. Guess teachers didn't need to turn to drink as much then...
Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an eighth-grade education? This is the eighth-grade final
exam from 1895 Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library
in Salina, Kansas and reprinted in the Salina Journal.
8TH GRADE FINAL EXAM: SALINA, KANSAS, 1895
GRAMMAR (TIME, ONE HOUR)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do,
lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. -10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you
understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.
ARITHMETIC (TIME, 1.25 HOURS)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many
bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cts./bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft.long at $20
per meter?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance
around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.
U.S. HISTORY (TIME, 45 MINUTES)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn
and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800,
1849,1865.
ORTHOGRAPHY (TIME, ONE HOUR)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography,
etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each:
Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions
under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi,
dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following and name
the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell,
rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences, cite, site, sight, fane,
fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation
by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
GEOGRAPHY (TIME, ONE HOUR)
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba,
Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same
latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.
This gives the saying of an early 20th century person that "he only had
an eighth-grade education" a whole new meaning!
Rich, Mar 3, 2013 @ 16:19
Reminds me of this classic.
Mar 3, 13 16:09
You can find these stupid people everywhere though :)....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4ml6pc5cyc
You can find these stupid people everywhere though :)....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4ml6pc5cyc
Mark H, Mar 3, 2013 @ 16:45
This just cracked up amazingly...
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
There is indeed no hope, therefore I shall now step outside and spray as much aerosol into the air while watching both my cars sit engines on, for no reason....
This just cracked up amazingly...
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
There is indeed no hope, therefore I shall now step outside and spray as much aerosol into the air while watching both my cars sit engines on, for no reason....
Kevin M, Mar 3, 2013 @ 20:14
