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on a "BREAK"
Feb 9, 2009 @ 19:50
Recently my friend's boyfriend decided they needed to go on a break, she came to me for advice and I was not sure what to say. In Canada going on a "break" usually means the person wants to be with someone else so a night, a week, whatever, without having to say he or she actually cheated on his or her partner because technically they were on a "break." So I would love to hear other people's take on this situation since maybe it's popular here. Thanks again!
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Recently my friend's boyfriend decided they needed to go on a break, she came to me for advice and I was not sure what to say. In Canada going on a "break" usually means the person wants to be with someone else so a night, a week, whatever, without having to say he or she actually cheated on his or her partner because technically they were on a "break." So I would love to hear other people's take on this situation since maybe it's popular here. Thanks again!
PrinFeb 9, 2009 @ 19:50
PrinFeb 9, 2009 @ 19:50
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 1
Feb 9, 2009 @ 19:57
I once asked a girlfriend if we could take a break... We had been arguing a lot, and somehow, I just didn't have it in my anymore to be generous and patient when talking to her. And I thought that if we didn't take a break we'd end up breaking up. She refused though, and actually, we did end up breaking up shortly thereafter... Maybe, we would have anyway. I don't know. But sometimes, some time apart helps you to remember why you're together in the first place...
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I once asked a girlfriend if we could take a break... We had been arguing a lot, and somehow, I just didn't have it in my anymore to be generous and patient when talking to her. And I thought that if we didn't take a break we'd end up breaking up. She refused though, and actually, we did end up breaking up shortly thereafter... Maybe, we would have anyway. I don't know. But sometimes, some time apart helps you to remember why you're together in the first place...
gkellum, Feb 9, 2009 @ 19:57
gkellum, Feb 9, 2009 @ 19:57
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 2
Feb 9, 2009 @ 20:01
It is so nice to hear from guys on this! So what is she suppose to do while on this break? Like am I a bad friend for telling my guy friends she is now on the market? Or are they still together?
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It is so nice to hear from guys on this! So what is she suppose to do while on this break? Like am I a bad friend for telling my guy friends she is now on the market? Or are they still together?
Prin, Feb 9, 2009 @ 20:01
Prin, Feb 9, 2009 @ 20:01
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 3
Feb 9, 2009 @ 20:20
Well as a friend, I see no harm incorporating your girlfriend amongst your guy friends, and if there was something to ignite between them, then so be it, but I don't think you need to announce her status. FB can easily announce that to the world :) come to think of it, they should create this 'half-term' status :laugh:
The text you are quoting:
Well as a friend, I see no harm incorporating your girlfriend amongst your guy friends, and if there was something to ignite between them, then so be it, but I don't think you need to announce her status. FB can easily announce that to the world :) come to think of it, they should create this 'half-term' status :laugh:
YouMeCo, Feb 9, 2009 @ 20:20
YouMeCo, Feb 9, 2009 @ 20:20
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 4
Feb 10, 2009 @ 11:51
If people have been together for a while, it can be quite demoralizing to a person to be told that their significant other wants a break from them. Depending on how her man approached the issue and how smooth their relationship was she could even be experiencing some sort of shock. It would probably do her some good to be around groups of guys in social surroundings. Playful banter can be lift the spirits and if she were to feel at a loss for words from being told her man needed a break, it could even help rebuild her confidences.
The text you are quoting:
If people have been together for a while, it can be quite demoralizing to a person to be told that their significant other wants a break from them. Depending on how her man approached the issue and how smooth their relationship was she could even be experiencing some sort of shock. It would probably do her some good to be around groups of guys in social surroundings. Playful banter can be lift the spirits and if she were to feel at a loss for words from being told her man needed a break, it could even help rebuild her confidences.
worldtodd, Feb 10, 2009 @ 11:51
worldtodd, Feb 10, 2009 @ 11:51
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 5
Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:08
In my experience, guys that say "lets take a break" its because they don't have the courage to end up the relationship so it's a nice way to say let's take separate ways but if i can't get anything "better" the door is still open..
So, it's really nice of you to introduce your friend among your single friends, if i had a friend in that situation i definitely do that same thing.. and tell your friend to read "He's just not that into you" (i have the ebook, if you want it i can send it to you later!)
The text you are quoting:
In my experience, guys that say "lets take a break" its because they don't have the courage to end up the relationship so it's a nice way to say let's take separate ways but if i can't get anything "better" the door is still open..
So, it's really nice of you to introduce your friend among your single friends, if i had a friend in that situation i definitely do that same thing.. and tell your friend to read "He's just not that into you" (i have the ebook, if you want it i can send it to you later!)
mariselagf, Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:08
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 6
Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:37
Hm. That is quite an interesting topic.
I'm not good at all in this stuff, but here are my 1,99 cents (more attractive to the customer ;) )
NB: Keep in mind that these are just field observations, and that they were not made on a statistically representative number of cases. These observations are far from complete. Feel free to add your case studies.
One thing appears to be certain: when someone needs "a break", at least this his(her) side, things are getting uncomfortable, and the situation needs to change.
From this starting point, either (case A) the "breaker" is confused and does not know what to do (either way) to feel better, or (case B) the "breaker" knows what's required and doesn't know how to deal with it
Case A: Asking for a break would be (thought for the "breaker" as) a good way to think on his(her) own without feeling too much pressure. This pressure could either be self generated (guilt towards changing or uneasy feelings, etc) or due to the partner's behaviour (often unconscious). In this case, the break could lead to a positive issue (no matter what it is, as long as the uncomfortable situation ceases). This situation requires from both parties lots of understanding (and love, yessiree).
Case B: Very frequent: the "breaker" really (thinks he/she) needs to see or feel something else (no matter what the reasons are - no the subject of this topic).
Case B1: guilt can make the "breaker" uncomfy -> case A if this is just fantasies and no action is wanted or undertaken.
Case B2: the "breaker" needs something else but don't want to loose what he has (can be seen as a selfish or cowardly behaviour - I don't want to start the debate about what should be done about it. Some people don't mind, some others do)
Case B3: Not the most beautiful: the "breaker" is (a conscious or unconscious) coward, and neither wants to face the truth nor its consequences (for tons of different "positive" or "negative" reasons: fear to hurt, real cowardness, etc. Here again, no solution proposed).
Anyway, the love-frog forecasts cloudy to stormy weather for an undefined period of time.
A good approach of the "breaker's" partner is the submarine technique. Disappear from the surface as lond as it's needed. I'm not saying that it'll arrange everything, but it helps the "breaker" to think on his/her own, and makes him/her realize what he/she's missing.
The bootom line is that this "break" (pause, in french) is quite commonly used in Geneva. Dunno why.
Bon appétit to all.
Syd.
I'm not good at all in this stuff, but here are my 1,99 cents (more attractive to the customer ;) )
NB: Keep in mind that these are just field observations, and that they were not made on a statistically representative number of cases. These observations are far from complete. Feel free to add your case studies.
One thing appears to be certain: when someone needs "a break", at least this his(her) side, things are getting uncomfortable, and the situation needs to change.
From this starting point, either (case A) the "breaker" is confused and does not know what to do (either way) to feel better, or (case B) the "breaker" knows what's required and doesn't know how to deal with it
Case A: Asking for a break would be (thought for the "breaker" as) a good way to think on his(her) own without feeling too much pressure. This pressure could either be self generated (guilt towards changing or uneasy feelings, etc) or due to the partner's behaviour (often unconscious). In this case, the break could lead to a positive issue (no matter what it is, as long as the uncomfortable situation ceases). This situation requires from both parties lots of understanding (and love, yessiree).
Case B: Very frequent: the "breaker" really (thinks he/she) needs to see or feel something else (no matter what the reasons are - no the subject of this topic).
Case B1: guilt can make the "breaker" uncomfy -> case A if this is just fantasies and no action is wanted or undertaken.
Case B2: the "breaker" needs something else but don't want to loose what he has (can be seen as a selfish or cowardly behaviour - I don't want to start the debate about what should be done about it. Some people don't mind, some others do)
Case B3: Not the most beautiful: the "breaker" is (a conscious or unconscious) coward, and neither wants to face the truth nor its consequences (for tons of different "positive" or "negative" reasons: fear to hurt, real cowardness, etc. Here again, no solution proposed).
Anyway, the love-frog forecasts cloudy to stormy weather for an undefined period of time.
A good approach of the "breaker's" partner is the submarine technique. Disappear from the surface as lond as it's needed. I'm not saying that it'll arrange everything, but it helps the "breaker" to think on his/her own, and makes him/her realize what he/she's missing.
The bootom line is that this "break" (pause, in french) is quite commonly used in Geneva. Dunno why.
Bon appétit to all.
Syd.
The text you are quoting:
Hm. That is quite an interesting topic.
I'm not good at all in this stuff, but here are my 1,99 cents (more attractive to the customer ;) )
NB: Keep in mind that these are just field observations, and that they were not made on a statistically representative number of cases. These observations are far from complete. Feel free to add your case studies.
One thing appears to be certain: when someone needs "a break", at least this his(her) side, things are getting uncomfortable, and the situation needs to change.
From this starting point, either (case A) the "breaker" is confused and does not know what to do (either way) to feel better, or (case B) the "breaker" knows what's required and doesn't know how to deal with it
Case A: Asking for a break would be (thought for the "breaker" as) a good way to think on his(her) own without feeling too much pressure. This pressure could either be self generated (guilt towards changing or uneasy feelings, etc) or due to the partner's behaviour (often unconscious). In this case, the break could lead to a positive issue (no matter what it is, as long as the uncomfortable situation ceases). This situation requires from both parties lots of understanding (and love, yessiree).
Case B: Very frequent: the "breaker" really (thinks he/she) needs to see or feel something else (no matter what the reasons are - no the subject of this topic).
Case B1: guilt can make the "breaker" uncomfy -> case A if this is just fantasies and no action is wanted or undertaken.
Case B2: the "breaker" needs something else but don't want to loose what he has (can be seen as a selfish or cowardly behaviour - I don't want to start the debate about what should be done about it. Some people don't mind, some others do)
Case B3: Not the most beautiful: the "breaker" is (a conscious or unconscious) coward, and neither wants to face the truth nor its consequences (for tons of different "positive" or "negative" reasons: fear to hurt, real cowardness, etc. Here again, no solution proposed).
Anyway, the love-frog forecasts cloudy to stormy weather for an undefined period of time.
A good approach of the "breaker's" partner is the submarine technique. Disappear from the surface as lond as it's needed. I'm not saying that it'll arrange everything, but it helps the "breaker" to think on his/her own, and makes him/her realize what he/she's missing.
The bootom line is that this "break" (pause, in french) is quite commonly used in Geneva. Dunno why.
Bon appétit to all.
Syd.
Syd_Brown, Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:37
I'm not good at all in this stuff, but here are my 1,99 cents (more attractive to the customer ;) )
NB: Keep in mind that these are just field observations, and that they were not made on a statistically representative number of cases. These observations are far from complete. Feel free to add your case studies.
One thing appears to be certain: when someone needs "a break", at least this his(her) side, things are getting uncomfortable, and the situation needs to change.
From this starting point, either (case A) the "breaker" is confused and does not know what to do (either way) to feel better, or (case B) the "breaker" knows what's required and doesn't know how to deal with it
Case A: Asking for a break would be (thought for the "breaker" as) a good way to think on his(her) own without feeling too much pressure. This pressure could either be self generated (guilt towards changing or uneasy feelings, etc) or due to the partner's behaviour (often unconscious). In this case, the break could lead to a positive issue (no matter what it is, as long as the uncomfortable situation ceases). This situation requires from both parties lots of understanding (and love, yessiree).
Case B: Very frequent: the "breaker" really (thinks he/she) needs to see or feel something else (no matter what the reasons are - no the subject of this topic).
Case B1: guilt can make the "breaker" uncomfy -> case A if this is just fantasies and no action is wanted or undertaken.
Case B2: the "breaker" needs something else but don't want to loose what he has (can be seen as a selfish or cowardly behaviour - I don't want to start the debate about what should be done about it. Some people don't mind, some others do)
Case B3: Not the most beautiful: the "breaker" is (a conscious or unconscious) coward, and neither wants to face the truth nor its consequences (for tons of different "positive" or "negative" reasons: fear to hurt, real cowardness, etc. Here again, no solution proposed).
Anyway, the love-frog forecasts cloudy to stormy weather for an undefined period of time.
A good approach of the "breaker's" partner is the submarine technique. Disappear from the surface as lond as it's needed. I'm not saying that it'll arrange everything, but it helps the "breaker" to think on his/her own, and makes him/her realize what he/she's missing.
The bootom line is that this "break" (pause, in french) is quite commonly used in Geneva. Dunno why.
Bon appétit to all.
Syd.
Syd_Brown, Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:37
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 7
Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:56
She truely believes he does not want to be with another girl, and as much as I'm on her side and dont want to see him as a great guy I believe her. He is just beyond stressed at work (as I am sure a million people are with the given situation) and things are not as "easy" as they were at the start. I have never been good at relationships, so all this advice is great, getting to see things in so many ways. It is an extra hard time for her since she is a hopeless romantic and Valentine's is approaching! However my view is that it is a ridiculous day that woman whose men treat them like shit get one day to receive something, flowers, candy and attention, it shouldnt matter on the day, a guy should treat you like a princess everyday..but I am single what the hell do I know!!
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She truely believes he does not want to be with another girl, and as much as I'm on her side and dont want to see him as a great guy I believe her. He is just beyond stressed at work (as I am sure a million people are with the given situation) and things are not as "easy" as they were at the start. I have never been good at relationships, so all this advice is great, getting to see things in so many ways. It is an extra hard time for her since she is a hopeless romantic and Valentine's is approaching! However my view is that it is a ridiculous day that woman whose men treat them like shit get one day to receive something, flowers, candy and attention, it shouldnt matter on the day, a guy should treat you like a princess everyday..but I am single what the hell do I know!!
Prin, Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:56
Prin, Feb 10, 2009 @ 12:56
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 8
Feb 10, 2009 @ 13:57
Prin,
regarding your friend, it depends on how much she loves the guy. The best is to give him a break and live her own life - she needs to be busy, to have people around, to have other things to think about other than her b/f. It's not a remedy, but it is something which will make her life easier and help her to survive the pain. And then the guy will either come back, or will leave her... Time is the best cure for this, although it might take ages for the pain to go away (well, all this depends on the feelings she has to him).
Anyway, I would suggest her to behave the way she feels like behaving - instead of repeating other people's mistakes, it's better for her to go her own way.
regarding your friend, it depends on how much she loves the guy. The best is to give him a break and live her own life - she needs to be busy, to have people around, to have other things to think about other than her b/f. It's not a remedy, but it is something which will make her life easier and help her to survive the pain. And then the guy will either come back, or will leave her... Time is the best cure for this, although it might take ages for the pain to go away (well, all this depends on the feelings she has to him).
Anyway, I would suggest her to behave the way she feels like behaving - instead of repeating other people's mistakes, it's better for her to go her own way.
The text you are quoting:
Prin,
regarding your friend, it depends on how much she loves the guy. The best is to give him a break and live her own life - she needs to be busy, to have people around, to have other things to think about other than her b/f. It's not a remedy, but it is something which will make her life easier and help her to survive the pain. And then the guy will either come back, or will leave her... Time is the best cure for this, although it might take ages for the pain to go away (well, all this depends on the feelings she has to him).
Anyway, I would suggest her to behave the way she feels like behaving - instead of repeating other people's mistakes, it's better for her to go her own way.
extremal, Feb 10, 2009 @ 13:57
regarding your friend, it depends on how much she loves the guy. The best is to give him a break and live her own life - she needs to be busy, to have people around, to have other things to think about other than her b/f. It's not a remedy, but it is something which will make her life easier and help her to survive the pain. And then the guy will either come back, or will leave her... Time is the best cure for this, although it might take ages for the pain to go away (well, all this depends on the feelings she has to him).
Anyway, I would suggest her to behave the way she feels like behaving - instead of repeating other people's mistakes, it's better for her to go her own way.
extremal, Feb 10, 2009 @ 13:57
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 9
Feb 10, 2009 @ 16:23
Hi Prin, I hope your friend resolves the situation in her relationship and it works out well. Please excuse me if I misunderstood your last post on the forum, but I thought your comments about valentines day being ridiculous and men treating women "like s**t" etc were rather harsh. If that is really your view then you are welcome to join me on Saturday to see that Valentines (and men) are not necessarily like that. In which case:
1. Please check my profile with Nir or Oded (Glocals SiteAdmin) beforehand for peace of mind.
2. The invitation is made in the spirit of friendship, not as a date.
3. Perhaps afterwards you would consider writing a revised review on the forum.
Kind regards, Phil.
(not expecting the bluff to be called, but if it does then 24 hours notice please Prin)
The text you are quoting:
Hi Prin, I hope your friend resolves the situation in her relationship and it works out well. Please excuse me if I misunderstood your last post on the forum, but I thought your comments about valentines day being ridiculous and men treating women "like s**t" etc were rather harsh. If that is really your view then you are welcome to join me on Saturday to see that Valentines (and men) are not necessarily like that. In which case:
1. Please check my profile with Nir or Oded (Glocals SiteAdmin) beforehand for peace of mind.
2. The invitation is made in the spirit of friendship, not as a date.
3. Perhaps afterwards you would consider writing a revised review on the forum.
Kind regards, Phil.
(not expecting the bluff to be called, but if it does then 24 hours notice please Prin)
phil, Feb 10, 2009 @ 16:23
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 10
Feb 10, 2009 @ 17:05
You are absolutely right. I hate Valentines day as well (probably because i never received a flower or a card on the day except when i was in a relationship and it was expected so it doesnt count). As you said a guy/girl can show their love every other day. And for everyone who doesnt want to spend a months salary on that day can i propose take your date on a romatic walk in a park or around the lake? And if the weather is sooo bad, some hot chocolate in front of a nice movie works wonders :)
The text you are quoting:
You are absolutely right. I hate Valentines day as well (probably because i never received a flower or a card on the day except when i was in a relationship and it was expected so it doesnt count). As you said a guy/girl can show their love every other day. And for everyone who doesnt want to spend a months salary on that day can i propose take your date on a romatic walk in a park or around the lake? And if the weather is sooo bad, some hot chocolate in front of a nice movie works wonders :)
Maria_, Feb 10, 2009 @ 17:05
Maria_, Feb 10, 2009 @ 17:05
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 11
Feb 10, 2009 @ 18:01
About your friend.. i agree with Whovian, if he is stressed with work, what a best scape/relief to be with your loved one! I think the stress at work is just the best excuse the guy could think!
And Maria, i totally agree with you i hate valentines' too! We should show how much we care about our relationships everyday not just once a year!
The text you are quoting:
About your friend.. i agree with Whovian, if he is stressed with work, what a best scape/relief to be with your loved one! I think the stress at work is just the best excuse the guy could think!
And Maria, i totally agree with you i hate valentines' too! We should show how much we care about our relationships everyday not just once a year!
mariselagf, Feb 10, 2009 @ 18:01
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 12
Feb 11, 2009 @ 18:08
Well we should gather all our anger and have a blast at the Anti-Valentines party this saturday that is put on by glocals..and yes I did say a blast!!
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Well we should gather all our anger and have a blast at the Anti-Valentines party this saturday that is put on by glocals..and yes I did say a blast!!
Prin, Feb 11, 2009 @ 18:08
Prin, Feb 11, 2009 @ 18:08
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Re: on a "BREAK"
Post 13
Feb 11, 2009 @ 18:34
Count me in!! Let's enjoy the beauty of being single!
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Count me in!! Let's enjoy the beauty of being single!
mariselagf, Feb 11, 2009 @ 18:34
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