My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.

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Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.

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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.

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Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but
when they go, they take your house and car.

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."

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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the
waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something
in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in
marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should
relax and get used to the idea.

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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is
happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's
poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to
her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to
your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the poison."



MindaFeb 26, 2007 @ 10:57