Re: Beautiful girl crying at the Spring Party
Post 67
Alot of exchanges about what was and what was, "was" a matter of interpretation and what we believe "is" in regards to what "was" is yet a further interpretation based on how we see things now especially in respect to an event we have few details about and even Nir has the girl's version of events.
In other words there's our view of the moment in the moment and then our "now" view of that moment. So here reality is ever shifting as is ours and while we have "opinions" as we write our posts those will shift accordingly and based on our experiences to come we may actually come to contradict ourselves based on a new perspective. But that's okay that's how it is, and that's how it should be.
But rather than seek to stand in one place with one point of view it might be worth having an outlook that might help have a broader view of things . therefore more neutral, and therefore be nowhere and everywhere at once. So when you feel judged, or disrespected, or misunderstood, etc. here are some interesting tools for whomever from the works of Byron Katie, that can enable us to gain perspective and respond as opposed to letting ourselves be gripped by our emotions (triggered by our thoughts) and react eg crying (which will trigger other thoughts). Simplistically, positivity begets positivity as does negativity.
So here are some simple questions to ask ourselves before we react (assuming one can be self observant enough to catch the reaction before it occurs)
1) Is it true?
2) Can you absolutely know it’s true?
3) How do you react, what happens when you believe the thoughts?
4) Who would you be without the thoughts (in other words what outcome or situation would have wished for)
Then take the above and turn them around:
1) Opposite thought (Am I judging the other person?)
2) Self (am I judging myself)
3) Other
In framing the above we can also ask ourselves:
Is it my business (what belongs to me)
Is it the other’s business (what belongs to them)
God’s business (what is neither the above)
None of it is personal (just as we are not our thoughts others are not their thoughts)
As a simple the test is “am I becoming the mind that I am judging?” (relating to the other person).
Here's a simple example of misperception. A man is walking down the street and he is insulted by a stranger and he is left feeling all shaken and distressed by it, and the thoughts and feelings stay with him and they give rise to other thoughts and feelings (of course). He then later meets a person who tells him that he saw it happen and told him that he should just ignore the man as he does that with everyone and he's simply mad. So now the personal goes to impersonal, yet the situation was exactly the same, but now the lense has change. None of it is personal
Another, a man is a tube and his 4 children are running around annoying the other passangers and everyone wishes to say something (like you have badly educated children, you are a bad father, and those kids are annoying) but noone does except one man who suggests he should do a better job parenting. The father answer him apologetically, saying that they are good kids and very well behaved usually, but that they had just returned from the hospital where their mother had just died, and I thought I should just let them be. The man who reproached the father just went inside himself to find all the humility and compassion he could conjure up and his attitude and perspection shifted in a moment. Again, perception.
So now take the example of the young man who said this to the girl at the party, who's could be the injured party, some might even say the victim. Victim? Simply difined is a person who does not take responsibility, otherwise put someone who does not excercise their Ability to Respond, and so we come full circle.
May we all respond with kindness and with rounded perception!
)
i should learn to read sarcasism
