Creep Deterrence Theory
101 Introduction to Creepology
Ah, nice. It’s that time of the year in Geneva, my friends. Sunny weekend, almost spring. Families are walking around. The lake is vivid blue. Sky is clear. White mountains. Goofy dogs running around. Happy wide-eyed babies learning to walk head your way and examine you. Couples. People jogging. Perfect Sunday afternoon. It is also the time of another species blooming and reemerging. Creepos. Yes, they are back again, ladies and gents. Creepos take the stage and occupy the lake promenade. So here goes a quick word about creepo deterrence theory and the creep deterrence coefficient.
First of all, let me say that while creepos might be also female, the majority of lake promenade creepos happens to be male – different perspectives welcome. Any lady can become an object of creeping. You may be tall or short, blonde or dark, dressed in a big black jacket reaching you knees with a big hood on, or in a mini-skirt – creepos will creep you out anyways. I guess, what we have to remember is that it is not personal. This being said, however, there are a few factors, which can help us figure out how and under what circumstances creepo behavior is more likely to be deterred. Here is the creep deterrent coefficient, a product of year long studies and research by leading experts in the field.
First, a few quick definitions.
Creepology: the science and study of creepo behavior.
Creepo (latin academic term. Creepo – for male; creepess – for female): The list includes but is not limited to the following behavior. A creepo is anyone who: cat whistles, wishes you ‘bon appétit’ if you’re drinking or eating something (yes, even if you’re just chewing gum), wants to sell you something, as a stranger says hello and asks if you want to have dinner or coffee with him, stops his car and invites you to get in, as a taxi driver asks if he can come upstairs with you after he drops you off and you pay him, starts following you on the street, continues following you even after you tell him to go away, meets you again on the other side of the lake and asks you again hoping you changed your mind, asks you to go to a party with him when he approaches you on the street, as a stranger asks to see your phone just for a second - while you are talking on it, invites you to play the street game with the ball and the three boxes otherwise also known as vegetation counting: ‘One, Two Tree’, follows you by hiding behind buildings and then quickly catches up with the distance until the next building, comes to talk to you while you are stretching at the lake promenade, tries to steal your bag while you are sunbathing at perle du lac, asks for directions but then decides to stay, sits next to you when you are sitting alone on a bench, stops you on the street to ask for directions followed by the sentence: ‘Uhh, can you help me. I am looking for your bedroom’.
That last one - true story. Okay, so here are the factors that make creepos more or less likely to creep.
Creepo deterrence coefficient: number of people around x day light x number of other unknown creepo competitors x 5 times the presence of known male friend x 2time the number of present known males (divided by:) 2 times number of known creepo colleagues x absence of traffick and people x darkness x 5 times lack of male presence
The stronger the first line of the equation, the stronger the deterrent effect. Deterrence is lessened by the denominator – in other words, the denominator is what encourages creeping. Note that some factors have a multiplier effect.
The higher the number of non-creepos around and the more day light, the less likely creepo is to approach. There are two exceptions to the number of people around serving as a deterrent – a crowded public transport vehicle or a crowded club, both of which might have an opposite non-deterrent effect.
When one creepo approaches you at the exact same time as another non-colleage creepo, studies show that the two creepos cancel each other out and both walk away. The reason for this is that they avoid facing humiliation in front of another unknown creepo colleague. However, this holds true if, and only if the creepos are strangers to each other. If they know each other, that fact is a multiplier in the opposite direction ie. you become an object of concerted creepo attack from two sides whereby two creepos wish you bon appétit almost like a duet.
The strongest deterrence factor is the presence of a male accompanying the potential creeping object. Brothers, friends, boyfriends, husbands, fathers and uncles are more than welcome. Their number also increases the deterrence coefficient twofold.
Thanks for the attention, ladies and gents. The study now opens the consultation process, whereby the results and the theory are open to review and criticism.
Written by I.C., Chairwoman of the Institute for the Study of Creepology at Lac Leman, Visiting Scholar at Creepo Observatory Bain du Paquis, and Vice President for Policy at ‘Together we can stop creeping’, progressive non-profit organization based in Geneva.
