well, Relations requires compromises, sacrifices and dedication, If not all the time but sometimes you have to do, i have been in a such long distance relation for almost 7 years. I know it’s a long long long duration anyhow i suffered and in the end I lost everything for what I suffered :P, well in my personal opinion long distance relations work, but for short time, but when as time passes by these physical distances start turning into distances between hearts.(we are lving in real worlds, not in books or movies where people do such things) You can have another wonderful career because you keep finding new and better opportunities but not relations. I know it’s hard to find the right one and when you lose that person, you realize just how much that person means to you

Hi Laure,

I have been living and working in Switzerland for 2 years now, while my wife is still back in the U.K. We will have been married for 25 years this year and I'm pleased to say that the seperation has actually improved our relationship.

Skype is a wonderful thing and we talk every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day.

It's true that we're not 20,000k apart but we may just as well be. At least I get to fly home one weekend per month.

Of course, we miss the physical contact, but we appreciate it more when we are physically together.

I am free to dedicate my time to my work without feeling guilty about arriving home late when my wife has cooked a lovely meal. This has been beneficial to my career and my wife no longer gets angry. All good!

My wife has now got herself a job as well and she is really enjoying that.

It's not all plain sailing. Loneliness creeps in now and then and coming home to an empty flat after a shitty day is depressing, but these are relatively small things compared with the benefits.

Not sure this will all work when you're starting out on a relationship though, when you're still at the stage where you want to tear each other's clothes off at every opportunity..........

Love will see you through (sounds like a song title!)

Take care.

In my experience, not unless you can reasonably expect the get together (sometime) in the future. I.e. if one of the two partners is able (and willing) to move.

depends on one's patience, committment and trust. But even with these, long term relation for a shorter time period - stretching for few months can work ... but if you are apart for too long a time, and too long a distance (not like living somewhere within Europe, where you can meet up easily once in a while), then eventually problems might creep in. As you go on with your individual lives, even skype may not help, as you anyways would not be spending enough time talking to each other. With no emotional connect, the relationship in essence cease to exist. I am in a long distance relation right now (and have been before as well), but only for few months - have been able to sustain the relationship, but not without problems. I have seen my friend's relationship suffer because of distance for too long, even after having spent 5 years with her bf (so had the trust, patience & committment ... but didn't help)

depends a LOT on the relationship requirements of all people involvved...but to be frank if there is still a physical distance after 1 year then you'd be questioning why one or the other or both dont actually move.

Forget your career as jobs and ambition are practically things of the past ...a very good relationship is much harder to find

leo tincrowdor writes: "Forget your career as jobs and ambition are practically things of the past ...a very good relationship is much harder to find"

That's a really good word of wisdom there! Use it to help make the right decision. Then, variables come into the picture: age, state of the relationship, if a bit of time apart is a good thing, whether something's been bothering you and this is a way to check where you are at or on the other hand, if the relationship is truly right for both of you, see what solutions are before you, even unusual ones!

NO

Yes, it can work if both parties are very serious (strong and mature) about it and there is a common goal to strive for.

To my experience there is a chance for a long distance relationship.

I had just accepted a good job offer back in Germany some years ago when I got to know my bf here in Switzerland. We decided to try the long distance and had a week end relationship for almost a year.

The distance even helped because what you don't have everyday becomes more precious. Also we had to talk a lot on the phone and it cost time&money to see each other which was also a prove of interest.

Of course you get to know each other more slowly but the time you spend together is quality time and you would not waste any minute fighting (I was so reasonable at that time ;)

When we moved back together I realized after a while that I even don't look forward anymore to seeing him in the evening.

For the time being we again have a tiny distance but not taking the presence of the partner for granted helps to keep up the positive tension.

If you really want the relationship you find a way but for me it was just a max six hours one way trip every w/e and we had no children.

Laure:

Don't go for the "yes" or "no" answers, cos it's not black or white. It's almost certain that it's much harder to make a long term relationship work long term, but it works for some people.

I think Edward's response is spot on about a key criteria needed to increase the chances of it working. 

Nir

NO

If you have to ask the question then it is doomed to failure...in my experience things will only run smoothy if you have the same values and beliefs.. You have to know the person and be able to trust them if not forget it.. Ive been there got the teeshirt.... and leopards NEVER change their spots so don't be fools.... good luck

It would be interesting to know the reasons for the all the NO above. Why do you think it is not possible?

Well obviously there are no rules but people saying no must have tried and failed. From my experience here are the conditions where it could work:

1- Sufficient history and committment BEFORE distance. I'd say a year or 2 minimum.

2- You have to see the light i.e, the end of distance. Fixed date where you're back together. No more than 6 months. Love is strong, time is stronger ...

3- Resolve fights entirely and staight away. No kissing/love making to end a fight. If you leave something unresolved, it'll grow in the other's mind until next time you skype/tel each other.

4- Not everyone can do this. You should know before if YOU or the other can take it. If you/the other are passionate emotional people, forget about it.

Got your points, thanks

By experience, I think that a long distance relationship can end especially if one of the persons involved places their career over the relationship.  Also, being "reasonable" in a relationship and waiting until both have a job in a commonplace in order to live together can also cause the relationship to be strained.  I agree with other several people who posted on this thread....careers come and go, but when you think you found that special someone...do anything to hand onto that person.

It will work for some time... It depends if the relationship was strong before he/she left (ie. being married or have children), if not, it can cause trouble after time. Why be with someone you don't ever see? Then you start to build your life and make new friends and one day you meet someone you like (or the partner on the other side)... and thats when the trouble starts!

I say 1 year apart not more!

If realism and pessimism may kill and long distance relationship, hope and love can also keep it flying. The balance is more difficult to find when each one has to find his / her own balance without the immediate presence of the beloved.

We are all different and each story is unique. Every day we are writing either a beginning, a continuation and sometimes an end of a story. The important thing is that the story makes sense to us.

Long distance relationships can be good for some people and not so good for others. Few people mentioned above, that it really depends on the individual. Personally, I don`t think I could be in one myself but I suppose I`ve never really had to choose before. And yes, I think if both people in them are committed to each other and to making it work then, yes.. they can be good. 

I'm living proof it works....

I lived in Belgium, partner in Hungary, this went off for two years... we saw each other monthly for a weekend.... skype every night!!!

it's not a matter of yes or not.... it's how mature, commited and serious about it you both are!!

tried it twice... didn't work the first time, it did the second.

(with the second one the problems actually only started when we were together for a greater period of time LOL)...

wouldn't try it again, its expensive, and heart wrenching.... my guess is it takes a special kind of guy or gal to make this kind of "LDR" work... I can openly admit that I'm not one of those people for many many reasons....

lol.... I agree.. now that we;re together at times I wish we had a long distance thing going on still.... especially after some years couples tend to get on each other's nerves.

Relationships require commitment, maturity, sacrifice......  this is why so many people are lonely out there wondering why they cant find that special one.... well that special one doesnt exist.... you need to work with the one you get and put up with a lot of shit and then you can say you have a serious relationship!

In french we say far from eyes far from heart :-)

And in English we say:

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Relationships require commitment, maturity, sacrifice......  this is why so many people are lonely out there wondering why they cant find that special one.... well that special one doesnt exist.... you need to work with the one you get and put up with a lot of shit and then you can say you have a serious relationship!

I really like that part ;)

I had a LDR for a little over a year, saw eachother every 2 to 3 weeks for a long weekend. All went really well, but her past made it difficult for her to fully trust someone (parents got divorced at age 15 and was quite messy). Towards the end the distance started to become a bigger problem as we both had trouble being apart and she wasnt ready to live together yet. It ended very abrupt when a German speaking lady appeared to be answering my cellphone, eventhough it was next to me and it never rang. This brought up the `trust` issue even stronger. I ended up contacting Sunrise and have them confirm to me in writing that I never received the call and was transfered incorrectly. They did accordingly after checking their data on the network proofing I never received the call. Sunrise even sent the email directly to my girlfriend as per my request. I already knew it would end before doing all the trouble as I couldnt cope with the lack of trust. Never the less I did feel the urge to proof her wrong.

The English say out of sight out of mind.  You wouldn't be slightly superficial would you Greg? 

They have been known to, but the question is how long you intend to maintain the long distance. I had a long distance relationship with a girl in Canada for almost 2 years and it worked very well. We would skype 6 times a week (I'd wake up at 4am to talk to her before she went to sleep) and email daily. She finally came to Geneva 2 years ago and now we're engaged. So like I said, it can happen.

However, I should also mention that I don't know anyone else who has been able to maintain a long distance relationship as long or as far as we did. The longest one I know of among my friends is about a year and he was in Toronto, Canada while she was in New York, so not too far or a different time zone.

It's all about how much you're willing to sacrifice for the other person.

That's not a literal translation but there is some truth to that in my experience having historically lived a 5 years a long distant relationship.  But the heart is a soft organ while others may be susceptible to being a little more rigid.  Hence infidelity over time is a likely hood, but there's infidelity of the heart and simply one of the body.  I know some may argue that this is the same thing but with age one realises it's not necessarily.  However when this happens this is when things can get tricky, because some persons can have greater physical needs than others and distance can be a problem for them even though they according to their values and love the other person but at the same time can be unfaithful. 

Again that’s a very personal thing and depends on how one view infidelity and why?   Does a long distant relationship provide mitigating circumstance for it is it acceptable tolerable, are there ground rules, etc.  No easy answer to that as we’re all different.  Do they kiss and tell or do they say nothing and the guilt and sense of dishonesty starts to build and it eventually causes the rift of the relationship.  

I’d argue that most who have long distant relationships risk infidelity of some form or another at some point, and it’s how they manage that which will determine their ability to manage the long term relationship.  I would even go as far as to say that it’s that very infidelity that allows them to sustain (perhaps artificially) the long distant relationship.   However, I think some people in our lives are transient (that’s neither good nor bad but just what it is) and others we know for various reasons we want to build a future with.  And as others have said in this forum that long term view that goal that desire to be with the other in the fullness and duration of time is what matters.  

Again, if you don’t sweat the small stuff and keep your eye on the big picture you’ll get there, however make sure you have a game plan otherwise things will slip and someone will in time have to make a compromise either geographically, professionally or otherwise so that you can both be together, and that’s not always an easy one to overcome, but certainly doable if one is resolved and stubborn enough and with a heart that has reason that reason knows nothing of.  Been there, done that, and got the badge (and I was not even a cub scout)!     

my boyfriend and I parted ways last month. He was sent over to another country by his company, and at first we agreed on some arrangements. But as time passes by, the possibility of him coming back sooner becomes blurry, everyday. For now, honestly, I only have my trust for him. And I dont know what will happen next. :p

If you don't know who does, and if you don't know then be prepared to be disappointed as and when you suddenly think you do know.  That said if you don’t have any expectations then you’re unlikely to be disappointed or at least should not be.  Otherwise don't be a fatalist, and until such time decide on what you think you might want and work towards it until you decide on something else.  Cryptic I agree but give it some thought and the penny may drop. 

if you want this relationship work, you need to contact each other more often, and tell the truth and what you need and want, and try to meet up each other each other week-ends, and be very serious about this relationship, and find out whether or not this is the one you'd like to get married with, if yes, bring it to up as object. i have a friend dated with her boyfriend long-distance, and married after 6 months dating, how they have 2 children, happy ! so yes, it may very well work. But of course, if the feeling is not right, need work out lots of things between both of you, then distance does not help at all. trust yr feelings, be patient at first.

that's really sad...the lack of trust can really ruin not only a relationship, but also somebody's life...