The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its  yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate  meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n.   The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj.   Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdic ate , v.   To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v.   To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj.   Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj.   Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only anightgown.

7. Lymph , v.   To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n.   Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n.   Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n.   A rapidly receding hairline..

11. Testicle , n.   A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n.   The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n..   A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n.   A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n.   The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n.   An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men