well... we have established that we can use this site for networking, sports, and berating men who dare try and communicate with women bearing scantily clad profile pictures, so i'm curious...
how do the smooth talking lotharios secure a date?!
i want to know your best (and most cringeworthy) chat up lines...
let the chat commence...
well... we have established that we can use this site for networking, sports, and berating men who dare try and communicate with women bearing scantily clad profile pictures, so i'm curious...
how do the smooth talking lotharios secure a date?!
i want to know your best (and most cringeworthy) chat up lines...
let the chat commence...
no way am I sharing my god given talent here.... go fish.
charlie, with a face like that you don't nee chat up lines..
you need someone who accepts hourly payment ;)
charlie, with a face like that you don't nee chat up lines..
you need someone who accepts hourly payment ;)
need*
and hourly was a compliment.. i allowed time for spooning :p
x
need*
and hourly was a compliment.. i allowed time for spooning :p
x
need*
and hourly was a compliment.. i allowed time for spooning :p
x
strike one!
Thread would be more successful if people listed the WORST chat up lines theyve heard....
or the worst ones that have worked, that'd be funny too.
Thread would be more successful if people listed the WORST chat up lines theyve heard....
or the worst ones that have worked, that'd be funny too.
Thread would be more successful if people listed the WORST chat up lines theyve heard....
or the worst ones that have worked, that'd be funny too.
definitely...
here are some i have heard....
"if you were a burger i'd call you mcbeautiful/mctasty"
"is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven"
"i've lost my mobile number can i have yours?!"
"i'm gonna rearrange the alphabet and put "u" and "I" together
Oh dear...
x
definitely...
here are some i have heard....
"if you were a burger i'd call you mcbeautiful/mctasty"
"is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven"
"i've lost my mobile number can i have yours?!"
"i'm gonna rearrange the alphabet and put "u" and "I" together
Oh dear...
x
well lindsey, if these are chat lines u got, at least guys DID try to tell you something different. The worst ever is when someone just came up with: hi, hello, ca va. c'mon, be creative!!!
well lindsey, if these are chat lines u got, at least guys DID try to tell you something different. The worst ever is when someone just came up with: hi, hello, ca va. c'mon, be creative!!!
"So i herd u liek mudkipz"
Works like a charm.
well lindsey, if these are chat lines u got, at least guys DID try to tell you something different. The worst ever is when someone just came up with: hi, hello, ca va. c'mon, be creative!!!
this is true...
it's just funny to hear how people go about verbally "wooing" the opposite sex
x
this is true...
it's just funny to hear how people go about verbally "wooing" the opposite sex
x
"If I asked you out, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"
"If I asked you out, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"
"So i herd u liek mudkipz"
Works like a charm.
this may get you on some sort of danger register...
People tend to overthink approach lines.
If you're a good conversationalist, you can sit down on a bar stool next to a woman, glance over at her, say "I like salad" in a flat and matter-of-fact tone. It's the last thing she expects to hear; doing the unexpected catches people's attention. You have about 10 seconds of her attention to build on that, so you'd better be good.
Otherwise, there are these.
People tend to overthink approach lines.
If you're a good conversationalist, you can sit down on a bar stool next to a woman, glance over at her, say "I like salad" in a flat and matter-of-fact tone. It's the last thing she expects to hear; doing the unexpected catches people's attention. You have about 10 seconds of her attention to build on that, so you'd better be good.
Otherwise, there are these.
People tend to overthink approach lines.
If you're a good conversationalist, you can sit down on a bar stool next to a woman, glance over at her, say "I like salad" in a flat and matter-of-fact tone. It's the last thing she expects to hear; doing the unexpected catches people's attention. You have about 10 seconds of her attention to build on that, so you'd better be good.
Otherwise, there are these.
unless she asks to:
1.see your cucumber... "
2. leaf" her alone
or
3. asks what's "tomatoe with you"
unless she asks to:
1.see your cucumber... "
2. leaf" her alone
or
3. asks what's "tomatoe with you"
tomato obviously needs to be said with a glaswegian accent for that line to work...
tomato obviously needs to be said with a glaswegian accent for that line to work...
tomato obviously needs to be said with a glaswegian accent for that line to work...
LOOOL
Female in Geneva asks: where can I print from my >USB stick. Male in Geneva replies: come round to my place. Who is chatting up whom? Check out today's new forum "Printing Services"
Female in Geneva asks: where can I print from my >USB stick. Male in Geneva replies: come round to my place. Who is chatting up whom? Check out today's new forum "Printing Services"
Female in Geneva asks: where can I print from my >USB stick. Male in Geneva replies: come round to my place. Who is chatting up whom? Check out today's new forum "Printing Services"
That's what you get for being a good samaritan. Pff!
But maybe she was chatting you up and you were being a good samaritan
what about:
Have you got a plaster? because It hurt when I fell for you!
Did it hurt? when you fell from heaven!
Is you dad a thief? because he stole the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes!
The one I love and that makes me laugh is: Get ya coat you've pulled!
what about:
Have you got a plaster? because It hurt when I fell for you!
Did it hurt? when you fell from heaven!
Is you dad a thief? because he stole the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes!
The one I love and that makes me laugh is: Get ya coat you've pulled!
Do you have any italian in you... do you want some?
man: "wanna come back to my place for some sex and pizza?"
Her: "no way"
man: "ok fine, we'll skip the pizza then"
man: "wanna come back to my place for some sex and pizza?"
Her: "no way"
man: "ok fine, we'll skip the pizza then"
What do you want for breakfast?
how do you like your eggs in the morning, fried, scrambled or fertilised...
gotta admire the use of that surely?"!
x
how do you like your eggs in the morning, fried, scrambled or fertilised...
gotta admire the use of that surely?"!
x
"fertilised" = blatant stupidity.... that would be a chicken. and not an egg...TUT
"fertilised" = blatant stupidity.... that would be a chicken. and not an egg...TUT
biologically incorrect, and yet, after a few lemonades,still quite funny x
biologically incorrect, and yet, after a few lemonades,still quite funny x
Are you coming or going? or coming than going? or coming than staying?
Are you coming or going? or coming than going? or coming than staying?
Beautiful dress you're wearing, but it would look nicer on my bedroom floor.
Beautiful dress you're wearing, but it would look nicer on my bedroom floor.
Are you coming or going? or coming than going? or coming than staying?
presumptive on the orgasm front...like the confidence
- to the blonde . "Ill see you at midnight in my room then"
- to the brunette standing next to her "..and Ill see you at 1.30 am...oh and bring a friend!"
- to the blonde . "Ill see you at midnight in my room then"
- to the brunette standing next to her "..and Ill see you at 1.30 am...oh and bring a friend!"
This makes me laugh.. and its much better than my International Law book I am supposed to be reading. Thank you for the distraction =)
"Are you ladies free tonight? Or is it going to cost me?"
This makes me laugh.. and its much better than my International Law book I am supposed to be reading. Thank you for the distraction =)
"Are you ladies free tonight? Or is it going to cost me?"
Come sit on my lap, and we'll discuss the first thing that comes up...
Come sit on my lap, and we'll discuss the first thing that comes up...
"you have a pretty picture...how about coffee one night at my place?"
"how much?"
Can we play WW2, I lay down.. and you blow the hell out of me.
How much do you have to drink in your fridge?
lets play titanic, every time i say iceberg, you go down!
So girls...its back to mine for naked twister then?
this is going downhill. can anyone describe really GOOD lines? one AT LEAST that has worked for you boys????
if i`ve ever received something like the ones above, i`d have found the guy to punch him :o (yeah, i know, violence is not good)
this is going downhill. can anyone describe really GOOD lines? one AT LEAST that has worked for you boys????
if i`ve ever received something like the ones above, i`d have found the guy to punch him :o (yeah, i know, violence is not good)
the naked twister one actually worked
this is going downhill. can anyone describe really GOOD lines? one AT LEAST that has worked for you boys????
if i`ve ever received something like the ones above, i`d have found the guy to punch him :o (yeah, i know, violence is not good)
"You are very feminine for an American girl."
Backhanded compliment that makes their little head-hamster run-run-run, generating questions faster than their mouth can move. It's good fun when I visit home.
"You are very feminine for an American girl."
Backhanded compliment that makes their little head-hamster run-run-run, generating questions faster than their mouth can move. It's good fun when I visit home.
thats bullshit.. unless you buy into some, i hope they serve beer in hell.. douche bag mentality. No decent girl falls for the backhanded compliment.."wow, I cant believe your wearing that..congrats to you for the confidence".
thats bullshit.. unless you buy into some, i hope they serve beer in hell.. douche bag mentality. No decent girl falls for the backhanded compliment.."wow, I cant believe your wearing that..congrats to you for the confidence".
this isn't exactly a chat up line but i saw this in glasgow...
guy "i bet you a quid (cheap in glagow) that i can touch your breasts without using any part of my body"
Girl... laughs "go on then"
Guy "hands her the quid, winks and cops a feel"
she and her mates roll about hysterically...
the outcome... they are currently on honeymoon in Maldives...
i don't know what this says about scottish women but it's a giggle to me
x
this isn't exactly a chat up line but i saw this in glasgow...
guy "i bet you a quid (cheap in glagow) that i can touch your breasts without using any part of my body"
Girl... laughs "go on then"
Guy "hands her the quid, winks and cops a feel"
she and her mates roll about hysterically...
the outcome... they are currently on honeymoon in Maldives...
i don't know what this says about scottish women but it's a giggle to me
x
thats bullshit.. unless you buy into some, i hope they serve beer in hell.. douche bag mentality. No decent girl falls for the backhanded compliment.."wow, I cant believe your wearing that..congrats to you for the confidence".
That's what I thought, until I tried it a few times. Believe me, I was just as disgusted as you are.
That's what I thought, until I tried it a few times. Believe me, I was just as disgusted as you are.
fight fight fight fight....... etc
I am sure.. it works for a certain type of insecure bar girl. It disgusts me that women allow that.. it is this reason alone that some American men are so awful to be around. They have been given the assumption they can behave as badly as they want. I am no prude, and I got about half through that book before I wanted to throw it.
I am sure.. it works for a certain type of insecure bar girl. It disgusts me that women allow that.. it is this reason alone that some American men are so awful to be around. They have been given the assumption they can behave as badly as they want. I am no prude, and I got about half through that book before I wanted to throw it.
I am sure.. it works for a certain type of insecure bar girl. It disgusts me that women allow that.. it is this reason alone that some American men are so awful to be around. They have been given the assumption they can behave as badly as they want. I am no prude, and I got about half through that book before I wanted to throw it.
The feeling is largely mutual. I didn't realize just how feral American women could be until I moved here.
The feeling is largely mutual. I didn't realize just how feral American women could be until I moved here.
I am from Denmark, guys dont try to pick up girls there, they hide in the corner ;-)
I am from Denmark, guys dont try to pick up girls there, they hide in the corner ;-)
they hide behind a dog... 
Not a chat up line but a "craigslist" approach to asking for female company:
"Middle aged, married Englishman, stationed in Geneva area, seeks friendship or NSA long-term relationship with lively, intelligent english or french speaking woman. Am interested in travel and exploring places such as Zurich, Lausanne, Lyon, Annecy. I enjoy good conversation, wining and dining, art, photography, design, cinema, classical and rock music and watching life go by from a cafe or bar! Am tall and good-looking! Your personality is more important than your looks. However, I do appreciate a woman who is natural in all ways, including the modest use of make-up and the refusal to shave or trim down below, to bow to norms, even if extremely hairy, which after all is not a bad thing me thinks! In short I am looking for a free spirit, body and mind!"
Not a chat up line but a "craigslist" approach to asking for female company:
"Middle aged, married Englishman, stationed in Geneva area, seeks friendship or NSA long-term relationship with lively, intelligent english or french speaking woman. Am interested in travel and exploring places such as Zurich, Lausanne, Lyon, Annecy. I enjoy good conversation, wining and dining, art, photography, design, cinema, classical and rock music and watching life go by from a cafe or bar! Am tall and good-looking! Your personality is more important than your looks. However, I do appreciate a woman who is natural in all ways, including the modest use of make-up and the refusal to shave or trim down below, to bow to norms, even if extremely hairy, which after all is not a bad thing me thinks! In short I am looking for a free spirit, body and mind!"
I am from Denmark, guys dont try to pick up girls there, they hide in the corner ;-)
That's why you don't live in Denmark.
Thanks Catalin, knew there was a reason!!!
"Your profile picture is really .... uh"
Thanks guys, that´s really one to remember... *roll eyes*
"Your profile picture is really .... uh"
Thanks guys, that´s really one to remember... *roll eyes*
Taken directly from a friend request I received: "I saw your post in the forum, I'm a fan of women's shoes :)"
Taken directly from a friend request I received: "I saw your post in the forum, I'm a fan of women's shoes :)"
Do u Know what is an australian kiss?
It's a kiss down under.
Do u know how much weighs a polar bear?
I don't know but enough to break the ice between us.
Do u Know what is an australian kiss?
It's a kiss down under.
Do u know how much weighs a polar bear?
I don't know but enough to break the ice between us.
After the pickup is complete and a date has been set, one can take the time-efficient route (link is vulgar - NSFW) and cut out a lot of the BS.
After the pickup is complete and a date has been set, one can take the time-efficient route (link is vulgar - NSFW) and cut out a lot of the BS.
> People tend to overthink approach lines.
Agreed. 90% of communication is non-verbal.
So it's not what you say, but rather how you say it -- and the way you are.
Now back to the funny chat up lines!
> People tend to overthink approach lines.
Agreed. 90% of communication is non-verbal.
So it's not what you say, but rather how you say it -- and the way you are.
Now back to the funny chat up lines!
like this...
PLEASE DONT DELETE ME!
After the pickup is complete and a date has been set, one can take the time-efficient route (link is vulgar - NSFW) and cut out a lot of the BS.
I still prefer the BS.
It's not the destination, it's the travel.
how cute! we both post the same link! ... ugh, we are definately american
how cute! we both post the same link! ... ugh, we are definately american
how cute! we both post the same link! ... ugh, we are definately american
...and thankfully we are both here and away from that mess.
Speaking of American, this probably won't be funny to someone not aware of American historical figures. It is, however, very on-topic. 
OMG, both those video links were awesome. Thanks!
Not a chat up line but a "craigslist" approach to asking for female company:
"Explore Geneva and Lyon with me - m4w (Geneva)"
"Middle aged, married Englishman, stationed in Geneva area, seeks friendship or NSA long-term relationship with lively, intelligent english or french speaking woman. Am interested in travel and exploring places such as Zurich, Lausanne, Lyon, Annecy. I enjoy good conversation, wining and dining, art, photography, design, cinema, classical and rock music and watching life go by from a cafe or bar! Am tall and good-looking! Your personality is more important than your looks. However, I do appreciate a woman who is natural in all ways, including the modest use of make-up and the refusal to shave or trim down below, to bow to norms, even if extremely hairy, which after all is not a bad thing me thinks! In short I am looking for a free spirit, body and mind!"
I have a feeling that this is Joe Buck, who moved to Geneva and now wants to explore the area...
I have a feeling that this is Joe Buck, who moved to Geneva and now wants to explore the area...
I have a feeling that this is Joe Buck, who moved to Geneva and now wants to explore the area...
was ok reading this till I got to the "extremely haiiry" part and then I gagged on my croissant!
was ok reading this till I got to the "extremely haiiry" part and then I gagged on my croissant!
This is the funniest thread ever!
I have a feeling that this is Joe Buck, who moved to Geneva and now wants to explore the area...
Charlie I am still convinced that Joe Buck is one of your many aliases (is that correct English - does not look right)
Charlie I am still convinced that Joe Buck is one of your many aliases (is that correct English - does not look right)
Charlie I am still convinced that Joe Buck is one of your many aliases (is that correct English - does not look right)
PAUL... I have many personalities, and i'd like to think a good comic range, however even my skill at humour couldnt dream up something as left field as that guy.... for real or not, I assure you its not me.
PAUL... I have many personalities, and i'd like to think a good comic range, however even my skill at humour couldnt dream up something as left field as that guy.... for real or not, I assure you its not me.
Pity. Now I am going to worry for ever that such a person exists. I know real life is normally funnier than any comedy show but there are limits and Joe Buck does not fit into any human parameter. anway he is good fun whoever he is.
Pity. Now I am going to worry for ever that such a person exists. I know real life is normally funnier than any comedy show but there are limits and Joe Buck does not fit into any human parameter. anway he is good fun whoever he is.
was ok reading this till I got to the "extremely haiiry" part and then I gagged on my croissant!
Ugh. Tumbleweeds. I have my own dental floss, thanks.
I don't even know if this was a pick up line or just an odd thing to do, but I had this exact interaction with some random guy that approached me on the street by Cornavain the other day:
Him: "Hey, I'm X. Listen, would you, uh... wanna smoke some pot?"
Me: "uhh... no, thank you?"
Him: "Oh ok. *pause* Well can I have your number? We can still be friends!"
...Luckily I "forgot" my number, but I took his card in case anybody wants it... lol!
I don't even know if this was a pick up line or just an odd thing to do, but I had this exact interaction with some random guy that approached me on the street by Cornavain the other day:
Him: "Hey, I'm X. Listen, would you, uh... wanna smoke some pot?"
Me: "uhh... no, thank you?"
Him: "Oh ok. *pause* Well can I have your number? We can still be friends!"
...Luckily I "forgot" my number, but I took his card in case anybody wants it... lol!
I don't even know if this was a pick up line or just an odd thing to do, but I had this exact interaction with some random guy that approached me on the street by Cornavain the other day:
Him: "Hey, I'm X. Listen, would you, uh... wanna smoke some pot?"
Me: "uhh... no, thank you?"
Him: "Oh ok. *pause* Well can I have your number? We can still be friends!"
...Luckily I "forgot" my number, but I took his card in case anybody wants it... lol!
a pot head with a business card....?
wow, whatever next....
a pot head with a business card....?
wow, whatever next....
Good for business!
If your left leg is easter and the right one christmas, would you mind if I'd come in between the holidays?
If your left leg is easter and the right one christmas, would you mind if I'd come in between the holidays?
Man to Woman in a bar :...speaking very quickly.... "tickle your ass with a feather?"
Girl.(shocked).."WHAT did you say????"
Man : "calm down... i just said, particularly nasty weather...."
Man to Woman in a bar :...speaking very quickly.... "tickle your ass with a feather?"
Girl.(shocked).."WHAT did you say????"
Man : "calm down... i just said, particularly nasty weather...."
Man to Woman in a bar :...speaking very quickly.... "tickle your ass with a feather?"
Girl.(shocked).."WHAT did you say????"
Man : "calm down... i just said, particularly nasty weather...."
Only works in the UK though ;)
Only works in the UK though ;)
You can say it anywhere mate...but whether it works or not...I have no idea :-)
You can say it anywhere mate...but whether it works or not...I have no idea :-)
"a pot headwith a business card"
it's so he can weed out clients who are likely to grass ;)
"a pot headwith a business card"
it's so he can weed out clients who are likely to grass ;)
You can say it anywhere mate...but whether it works or not...I have no idea :-)
Not in a place with good weather...
"screw me if i'm wrong, but is your name James?"
Not in a place with good weather...
and where might that be?
Dubai? theyll just say yes at the first question--
Saudi...you'd get killed
Maldives... again a yes, assuming youre on honeymoon
everywhere else has seasons that are ripe for such a line...esp winter.
and where might that be?
Dubai? theyll just say yes at the first question--
Saudi...you'd get killed
Maldives... again a yes, assuming youre on honeymoon
everywhere else has seasons that are ripe for such a line...esp winter.
Girl to boy
A 'Come here' finger action with her little finger:
Boy walks over and the girl says "if i can make you come with my little finder imagine what the rest of me can do"
This actually happened to me when i was 16 in a club (ahhh under age drinking), the girl was much older. Needless to say nothing happened, i nearly passed out...bless
Right, forget male chat up lines....do the girls have any?
Girl to boy
A 'Come here' finger action with her little finger:
Boy walks over and the girl says "if i can make you come with my little finder imagine what the rest of me can do"
This actually happened to me when i was 16 in a club (ahhh under age drinking), the girl was much older. Needless to say nothing happened, i nearly passed out...bless
Right, forget male chat up lines....do the girls have any?
Best I've heard in the streets of Geneva:
"Salut, je peux te draguer?" (Hi, can I chat you up?)
Clear, straightforward, no bullshit
Best I've heard in the streets of Geneva:
"Salut, je peux te draguer?" (Hi, can I chat you up?)
Clear, straightforward, no bullshit
Girl to boy
A 'Come here' finger action with her little finger:
Boy walks over and the girl says "if i can make you come with my little finder imagine what the rest of me can do"
This actually happened to me when i was 16 in a club (ahhh under age drinking), the girl was much older. Needless to say nothing happened, i nearly passed out...bless
Right, forget male chat up lines....do the girls have any?
They are not that advanced, they mostly rely on physical contact to get where they want tut tut
They are not that advanced, they mostly rely on physical contact to get where they want tut tut
ok forgive the lack of me being PC here...
"Wanna play pearl harbour?!"
Guy "what;s that?!"
Girl "a game where you lie down and i blow the hell outta ya"
Or
i LOST MY TEDDY BEAR, CAN I SLEEP WITH YOU?
x
ok forgive the lack of me being PC here...
"Wanna play pearl harbour?!"
Guy "what;s that?!"
Girl "a game where you lie down and i blow the hell outta ya"
Or
i LOST MY TEDDY BEAR, CAN I SLEEP WITH YOU?
x
Do you want to go and do what I'm going to tell my mates we did anyway?
Lyndsey - legendary!
However I think once a girl actually speaks to a guy thats enough, we're not so sophisticted
Lyndsey - legendary!
However I think once a girl actually speaks to a guy thats enough, we're not so sophisticted
Lyndsey - legendary!
However I think once a girl actually speaks to a guy thats enough, we're not so sophisticted
pickup lines for girls can vary wildly from
"hello"
all the way to
"yes"
any of these will work. but lynsdey- have to admit yours are excellent!
pickup lines for girls can vary wildly from
"hello"
all the way to
"yes"
any of these will work. but lynsdey- have to admit yours are excellent!
Man to Woman in a bar :...speaking very quickly.... "tickle your ass with a feather?"
Girl.(shocked).."WHAT did you say????"
Man : "calm down... i just said, particularly nasty weather...."
I laughed Charlie
Let's go to my place and do the stuff I told my mates that we already did.
Let's go to my place and do the stuff I told my mates that we already did.
"Hi, your names Lyndsey right? , Yeah Ive seen you at this club quite often, listen just cos you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, I just wanted to reassure you that in about two hours Ill be drunk enough for it not to matter, so waddya say, yours or mine?"
"Hi, your names Lyndsey right? , Yeah Ive seen you at this club quite often, listen just cos you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, I just wanted to reassure you that in about two hours Ill be drunk enough for it not to matter, so waddya say, yours or mine?"
"Hi, your names Lyndsey right? , Yeah Ive seen you at this club quite often, listen just cos you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, I just wanted to reassure you that in about two hours Ill be drunk enough for it not to matter, so waddya say, yours or mine?"
I'm not ugly, i'm aesthetically challenged
And Charlie, thanks for the offer, but no amount of rohypnol or wishing on stars could make me ever consider being with you...
except for that one time,
you know, with the chat up line and the ugly tree...
ah crap....
I'm not ugly, i'm aesthetically challenged
And Charlie, thanks for the offer, but no amount of rohypnol or wishing on stars could make me ever consider being with you...
except for that one time,
you know, with the chat up line and the ugly tree...
ah crap....
I'm not ugly, i'm aesthetically challenged
And Charlie, thanks for the offer, but no amount of rohypnol or wishing on stars could make me ever consider being with you...
except for that one time,
you know, with the chat up line and the ugly tree...
ah crap....
L ...., ever since you attacked your flatmate with the marrow you have everyone running for the hills... some admittedly with wider strides than normal.... and I dont need drugs to subdue women...a huge cavemans club normally does the trick just fine!
Since you have experience of bars, why dont you enlighten us as to the worst ones youve heard across the counter over the years?
L ...., ever since you attacked your flatmate with the marrow you have everyone running for the hills... some admittedly with wider strides than normal.... and I dont need drugs to subdue women...a huge cavemans club normally does the trick just fine!
Since you have experience of bars, why dont you enlighten us as to the worst ones youve heard across the counter over the years?
Hhaha charlie, i deserve some credit for that marrow banter...
everyone was in stitches (Ioan quite literally ;) )
Ok so my capacity as a barmaid... hmm
let me see...
old man in Aberdeen "did you spill ice or are you happy to see me" (YUK)to which i shockingly replied "I'm a lawyer, i can get you off without knowing any details" I still cringe to this day...
also a"not-so-old-man "here love, can you give me some crisps..."
me "yeah sure, what flavour"
him "the ones that require you to bend over the most to reach them"
also "i like your screwing action (as i was opening a bottle of wine FOR HIS DATE)...
classy men...
Hhaha charlie, i deserve some credit for that marrow banter...
everyone was in stitches (Ioan quite literally ;) )
Ok so my capacity as a barmaid... hmm
let me see...
old man in Aberdeen "did you spill ice or are you happy to see me" (YUK)to which i shockingly replied "I'm a lawyer, i can get you off without knowing any details" I still cringe to this day...
also a"not-so-old-man "here love, can you give me some crisps..."
me "yeah sure, what flavour"
him "the ones that require you to bend over the most to reach them"
also "i like your screwing action (as i was opening a bottle of wine FOR HIS DATE)...
classy men...
best one yet though was actually in DDCs my 2nd night in the job...
Me: Hi, that can i get for you
Him: Do you have a keg in your pants?
Me: Not to my knowledge, why?
Him: Because I would like to tap that ass!!!! (amused friends giggled)
Me.... "Sweetie, when it comes to a pump from you, i would be as dry as a bone"
Him.... pays, mortifed and huge tip for me (and not the sordid kind Charley)
best one yet though was actually in DDCs my 2nd night in the job...
Me: Hi, that can i get for you
Him: Do you have a keg in your pants?
Me: Not to my knowledge, why?
Him: Because I would like to tap that ass!!!! (amused friends giggled)
Me.... "Sweetie, when it comes to a pump from you, i would be as dry as a bone"
Him.... pays, mortifed and huge tip for me (and not the sordid kind Charley)
This may be funny to people who are aware of the classy side of Liverpool:
I have been witness to some of the more intellectual chat up lines
1) "show us were ya wee love"
2) "giz a s*ck girl"
Shocking thing is the success rate is around 1/15 i.e. 14 slaps to 1 kiss/"stuff".
This may be funny to people who are aware of the classy side of Liverpool:
I have been witness to some of the more intellectual chat up lines
1) "show us were ya wee love"
2) "giz a s*ck girl"
Shocking thing is the success rate is around 1/15 i.e. 14 slaps to 1 kiss/"stuff".
Hha Ian, how i miss the romance and class of the UK...
my ex was from liverpool, he offered me his first hubcap... i knew it was real love, however, when he said i could shoot up first ;)
x
Hha Ian, how i miss the romance and class of the UK...
my ex was from liverpool, he offered me his first hubcap... i knew it was real love, however, when he said i could shoot up first ;)
x
A busy night at Da Vincis....lyndsey behind the bar bends over to find those crisps
(i hope you see the pic)
A busy night at Da Vincis....lyndsey behind the bar bends over to find those crisps
(i hope you see the pic)
Hhaha charlie, i deserve some credit for that marrow banter...
everyone was in stitches (Ioan quite literally ;) )
Ok so my capacity as a barmaid... hmm
let me see...
old man in Aberdeen "did you spill ice or are you happy to see me" (YUK)to which i shockingly replied "I'm a lawyer, i can get you off without knowing any details" I still cringe to this day...
also a"not-so-old-man "here love, can you give me some crisps..."
me "yeah sure, what flavour"
him "the ones that require you to bend over the most to reach them"
also "i like your screwing action (as i was opening a bottle of wine FOR HIS DATE)...
classy men...
Is it normal I have absolutely no memory of an attack?
Is it normal I have absolutely no memory of an attack?
Well downing a bottle of wine in one would probably help with the memory.......But next time youre at the market and you spot a marrow, and you feel queezy and slightly sick, and then for some unknown reason your ass hurts, then I suspect you'll get an unpleasant flashback. dont worry...there were no pictures.
;-)
Well downing a bottle of wine in one would probably help with the memory.......But next time youre at the market and you spot a marrow, and you feel queezy and slightly sick, and then for some unknown reason your ass hurts, then I suspect you'll get an unpleasant flashback. dont worry...there were no pictures.
;-)
Do any of your companies accept applications? Need to get myself one of those jobs where I dont have to work, in order to keep up in here!
Do any of your companies accept applications? Need to get myself one of those jobs where I dont have to work, in order to keep up in here!
Caroline, I am accepting applications for multiple positions.
(How's that for a crap chat-up line?)
Caroline, I am accepting applications for multiple positions.
(How's that for a crap chat-up line?)
Well downing a bottle of wine in one would probably help with the memory.......But next time youre at the market and you spot a marrow, and you feel queezy and slightly sick, and then for some unknown reason your ass hurts, then I suspect you'll get an unpleasant flashback. dont worry...there were no pictures.
;-)
So that's how she got everyone out of the house at 1 AM and the neighbour was so mad? He wanted some too???
Geez....
Thx Charlie for the insight on Lynds's preferences... I'm going to leave work , have some locks to change...
So that's how she got everyone out of the house at 1 AM and the neighbour was so mad? He wanted some too???
Geez....
Thx Charlie for the insight on Lynds's preferences... I'm going to leave work , have some locks to change...
Caroline, who's your gorgeous friend behind you? Do you have her number?......wehey! And it continues....
Caroline, who's your gorgeous friend behind you? Do you have her number?......wehey! And it continues....
HhHAH oh my....
i have started a riot
How unlike me ;)
x
How un
This time without typo errors
My Portuguese is zero but if you go to today's new forum 'Just arrived in Geneve.. hello everybody!!!' you will find a successful strategy. Guy with no job arrives in Geneva in middle of holidays, finds a Brazilian girl on a non dating site called glocals who invites him for drinks at the Intercon. Has accepted while pointing out that there are no night buses to Messery where he is staying. All done in three postings without any harassment. Of courseI could have got this completelly wrong as I cannot even order a beer in Portuguese.
This time without typo errors
My Portuguese is zero but if you go to today's new forum 'Just arrived in Geneve.. hello everybody!!!' you will find a successful strategy. Guy with no job arrives in Geneva in middle of holidays, finds a Brazilian girl on a non dating site called glocals who invites him for drinks at the Intercon. Has accepted while pointing out that there are no night buses to Messery where he is staying. All done in three postings without any harassment. Of courseI could have got this completelly wrong as I cannot even order a beer in Portuguese.
Caroline, I am accepting applications for multiple positions.
(How's that for a crap chat-up line?)
OK, that was truly crap.
"Caroline, you are invited to apply yourself in multiple positions."
Better...
OK, that was truly crap.
"Caroline, you are invited to apply yourself in multiple positions."
Better...
OK, that was truly crap.
"Caroline, you are invited to apply yourself in multiple positions."
Better...
No...first one was better 
Truly crap? Is that the definition when you have not received a reply in two hours?
Truly crap? Is that the definition when you have not received a reply in two hours?
Truly crap? Is that the definition when you have not received a reply in two hours?
No cupcake, that's the definition when I have a boring walk to the train station and suddenly think of something better.
No cupcake, that's the definition when I have a boring walk to the train station and suddenly think of something better.
No cupcake, that's the definition when I have a boring walk to the train station and suddenly think of something better.
Cupcake?!? Did you HAVE to add desserts to the mix? I want one!! (Big frown, arms folded, feet stomping!) 
Cupcake?!? Did you HAVE to add desserts to the mix? I want one!! (Big frown, arms folded, feet stomping!)
Oh yes, now we are getting somewhere, how on earth can I possibly resist being called Cupcake???
Oh yes, now we are getting somewhere, how on earth can I possibly resist being called Cupcake???
Oh yes, now we are getting somewhere, how on earth can I possibly resist being called Cupcake???
I know, right? You're so adorable... 
I laughed, too, when I read "cupcake." I guess that's why richardm says he's the kind of guy our mothers warned us about. There was an actor who said something to the effect of once you make a woman laugh, you can do anything with her...
I laughed, too, when I read "cupcake." I guess that's why richardm says he's the kind of guy our mothers warned us about. There was an actor who said something to the effect of once you make a woman laugh, you can do anything with her...
I laughed, too, when I read "cupcake." I guess that's why richardm says he's the kind of guy our mothers warned us about. There was an actor who said something to the effect of once you make a woman laugh, you can do anything with her...
The defensive position can have the same effect on them.
Just sayin'.
The defensive position can have the same effect on them.
Just sayin'.
Yeah, but if you call a woman "cupcake" in person, I hope you do it with a cigarette hanging out of the side of your mouth...
Yeah, but if you call a woman "cupcake" in person, I hope you do it with a cigarette hanging out of the side of your mouth...
they hide behind a dog...
I see what you did there, mr. sneaky kev.
"What exactly do I have to do to get into your knickers?" - I got this on Saturday night - I suggested he steal them from my washing line and wear them - not quite the answer he was expecting!
"What exactly do I have to do to get into your knickers?" - I got this on Saturday night - I suggested he steal them from my washing line and wear them - not quite the answer he was expecting!
Hha Ian, how i miss the romance and class of the UK...
my ex was from liverpool, he offered me his first hubcap... i knew it was real love, however, when he said i could shoot up first ;)
x
There's a scouser in my not-too-distant past.
I donated blood in early March and they said my blood was clean, good, and that they want more.
These two facts, taken together, boggle the mind.
There's a scouser in my not-too-distant past.
I donated blood in early March and they said my blood was clean, good, and that they want more.
These two facts, taken together, boggle the mind.
I believe it gets funnier when you just short-circuit it:
"Hi, do you know any good chat up line?"
@Lyndsey: when some bloke uses one of these, you can always answer...
"Nice approach. Now let's see your departure."
I believe it gets funnier when you just short-circuit it:
"Hi, do you know any good chat up line?"
@Lyndsey: when some bloke uses one of these, you can always answer...
"Nice approach. Now let's see your departure."
Omega, getting shot down by Lindsey has got to be one of the most entertaining experiences a man can possibly have. I want to visit Geneva for the express purpose of having her reject me. SRSLY.
Omega, getting shot down by Lindsey has got to be one of the most entertaining experiences a man can possibly have. I want to visit Geneva for the express purpose of having her reject me. SRSLY.
On the serious part Translator, you are quite right there - only man that ever broke down the wall to my ice cold nordic heart is a man that made me laugh!
On the serious part Translator, you are quite right there - only man that ever broke down the wall to my ice cold nordic heart is a man that made me laugh!
On the serious part Translator, you are quite right there - only man that ever broke down the wall to my ice cold nordic heart is a man that made me laugh!
I've heard that alcohol is the only thing that's kept Nordic civilization from going extinct. Without it, they'd have failed to reproduce (everyone hides in opposite corners) and would have died out long ago.
I've heard that alcohol is the only thing that's kept Nordic civilization from going extinct. Without it, they'd have failed to reproduce (everyone hides in opposite corners) and would have died out long ago.
I've heard that alcohol is the only thing that's kept Nordic civilization from going extinct. Without it, they'd have failed to reproduce (everyone hides in opposite corners) and would have died out long ago.
Having travelled extensively through all the nordic regions in both summer and winter I can honestly say there is a divergence between the myth and reality.
In Finland for example, they do drink, but its mainly the men, until they fall asleep at the table, then after a short kip they wake up again for more. However the women (in my humble experience) dont take it to such extremes
In Sweden everyone seems to party, but due to extortional costs of alcohol, there would appear to be seasonal changes to levels of alcohol.
Norway... equally.
Denmark is also seasonal.
Forget Iceland,,, at 25CHF a pint its just too bloody expensive, I guess thats why they run off to hunt whales to get a kick.
In Ireland and the UK I would suggest the Binge element of alcohol cunsumption is much higher, especially from Thursday through Saturday, but remembering that in the Nordics hard liquor (Vodka) is consumed more than in the UK by all.
There is also Govt rationing on alcohol for personal consumption (ie take home drink).
Seeing as winter is sooo long i think this was done to prevent the depressive state of drunks, rather than reduce birthrates.....
RUSSIA interestingly enough is a bizarre place where its cheaper to buy vodka than beer... a half bottle of vodka is approx 145 roubles.... or 4 dollars... they mix it with beer there to have a greater effect.... hic!
Having travelled extensively through all the nordic regions in both summer and winter I can honestly say there is a divergence between the myth and reality.
In Finland for example, they do drink, but its mainly the men, until they fall asleep at the table, then after a short kip they wake up again for more. However the women (in my humble experience) dont take it to such extremes
In Sweden everyone seems to party, but due to extortional costs of alcohol, there would appear to be seasonal changes to levels of alcohol.
Norway... equally.
Denmark is also seasonal.
Forget Iceland,,, at 25CHF a pint its just too bloody expensive, I guess thats why they run off to hunt whales to get a kick.
In Ireland and the UK I would suggest the Binge element of alcohol cunsumption is much higher, especially from Thursday through Saturday, but remembering that in the Nordics hard liquor (Vodka) is consumed more than in the UK by all.
There is also Govt rationing on alcohol for personal consumption (ie take home drink).
Seeing as winter is sooo long i think this was done to prevent the depressive state of drunks, rather than reduce birthrates.....
RUSSIA interestingly enough is a bizarre place where its cheaper to buy vodka than beer... a half bottle of vodka is approx 145 roubles.... or 4 dollars... they mix it with beer there to have a greater effect.... hic!
Thx, Charlie. I'm taking notes.
Thx, Charlie. I'm taking notes.
love your sarcasm...lol
PAUL... I have many personalities, and i'd like to think a good comic range, however even my skill at humour couldnt dream up something as left field as that guy.... for real or not, I assure you its not me.
So Charlie - my apologies. i was right that he couldn't be real. Presume you have seen that Hayes has admitted to being Joe Buck and several other people.
So Charlie - my apologies. i was right that he couldn't be real. Presume you have seen that Hayes has admitted to being Joe Buck and several other people.
love your sarcasm...lol
No, really.. Field reports are good intel to have.
So Charlie - my apologies. i was right that he couldn't be real. Presume you have seen that Hayes has admitted to being Joe Buck and several other people.
Jaw droppingly suprised is my best answer.....
No, really.. Field reports are good intel to have.
agreed... Semper Fe
i meant "Fi"....
If pick up lines ain't your thing, you can always go on a blind date:
If pick up lines ain't your thing, you can always go on a blind date:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvXp9GD4k3c
If pick up lines ain't your thing, you can always go on a blind date:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvXp9GD4k3c
classic...v funny
Reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAV0XrbEwNc
Vulgar, NOT safe for work!
