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New and scared

Aug 24, 2012 @ 22:42

Hi,

I've just been re-located here by my company and I am a little bit out of synch. My hobbies include horse whispering and cossack dancing. I love
Jewish/Viking fusion cusine and I keep a large collection of star fish scattered on all the beaches around the world. I sponsor revolutions by direct debit and the laws of physics do not apply to me. I speak fluent Russian in French and I have beaten the wax dummy of David Beckham in Madame Tussaudes in an out staring competition.

Cheese gives me nightmares.

I have swum with dolphins although they have become aggressive when I can't commit.

My heart has been broken once and I have vowed never to love again (If you hold your ear to my heart you can hear the sea).

I have never fallen asleep driving but have woken up driving....twice.

Holy men come to me for guitar lessons.

I don't play the guitar.

I once bankrupted a charity.

My favorite mistakes are the ones I keep repeating.

I can hear braille.

I'm a lover not a fighter.

I'm a fighter.

I am a new man: I go under the hood the first time and I haven't eaten a carb since 2009.

I run virtual marathons and taught this 14 year old girl how to Dougie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXbC1p8jaKU

I don't own a computer.

The text you are quoting:

Hi,

Cheese gives me nightmares.

I have swum with dolphins although they have become aggressive when I can't commit.

My heart has been broken once and I have vowed never to love again (If you hold your ear to my heart you can hear the sea).

I have never fallen asleep driving but have woken up driving....twice.

Holy men come to me for guitar lessons.

I don't play the guitar.

I once bankrupted a charity.

My favorite mistakes are the ones I keep repeating.

I can hear braille.

I'm a lover not a fighter.

I'm a fighter.

I am a new man: I go under the hood the first time and I haven't eaten a carb since 2009.

I run virtual marathons and taught this 14 year old girl how to Dougie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXbC1p8jaKU

I don't own a computer.

Max BAug 24, 2012 @ 22:42

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Re: New and scared

Post 1

Aug 25, 2012 @ 09:26

Welcome to Switzerland Mr Jack of All Trades! I think you will fit perfectly in based on your description above!

Have a nice week-end!

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Welcome to Switzerland Mr Jack of All Trades! I think you will fit perfectly in based on your description above!

Have a nice week-end!

Melanie L, Aug 25, 2012 @ 09:26

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Re: New and scared

Post 2

Aug 25, 2012 @ 09:55

Wow what a man Welcome to Switzerland Max

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Wow what a man Welcome to Switzerland Max

Jan S, Aug 25, 2012 @ 09:55

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Re: New and scared

Post 3

Aug 25, 2012 @ 11:32

Hayes?

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Hayes?

richardm, Aug 25, 2012 @ 11:32

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Re: New and scared

Post 4

Aug 25, 2012 @ 11:43

Hayes?

Aug 25, 12 11:32

Apparently, the staff computer was unsupervised for a moment on Friday night ;)

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Apparently, the staff computer was unsupervised for a moment on Friday night ;)

FerneyL, Aug 25, 2012 @ 11:43

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Re: New and scared

Post 5

Aug 25, 2012 @ 12:14

Just checking out Lausannefransisco.

There's never been a revolution here has there?

Thought not.

Did anyone read my post about fresh water dolphins in Lac Leman? I waqsn't kidding. Yes I was loaded but it's still a good idea.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the road crossed the chicken first.

The text you are quoting:

Just checking out Lausannefransisco.

There's never been a revolution here has there?

Thought not.

Did anyone read my post about fresh water dolphins in Lac Leman? I waqsn't kidding. Yes I was loaded but it's still a good idea.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the road crossed the chicken first.

Max B, Aug 25, 2012 @ 12:14

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Re: New and scared

Post 6

Aug 25, 2012 @ 12:16

sounds like Chuck Norris is our neighbour now :-)

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sounds like Chuck Norris is our neighbour now :-)

Stephanie R, Aug 25, 2012 @ 12:16

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Re: New and scared

Post 7

Aug 25, 2012 @ 12:58

On his best day; On his very best day; On the day he handed out the most ass kickings, chuck couldn't even stand in the same bus queue as me.

When I do push ups I don't push myself up, I push the world down.

I could sit down to piss and still be double Chuck at his most manly.

When it rains it's because I am thinking about something sad.

I am the only person to have ever ace'd a Rorschach test.

Alien abductors have asked me to........probe them.

I once punched a magician - that's right; I punched him.

I own three sports cars and I rent five.

I taught a horse to read my emails for me.

I was imprisoned in Guadalajara and used to return every thursday after I escaped to play texas hold 'em with the guards.

The police often question me.

Just because they find me interesting.

I am listed as Elton John's emergency contact number.

I have been known to cure sleep walking just by walking in to a room.

My hair is one of the items on my organ donor card.

My wit and intelligence are expanding....

faster than the universe.

I only ever attend after parties.

The text you are quoting:

On his best day; On his very best day; On the day he handed out the most ass kickings, chuck couldn't even stand in the same bus queue as me.

When I do push ups I don't push myself up, I push the world down.

I could sit down to piss and still be double Chuck at his most manly.

When it rains it's because I am thinking about something sad.

I am the only person to have ever ace'd a Rorschach test.

Alien abductors have asked me to........probe them.

I once punched a magician - that's right; I punched him.

I own three sports cars and I rent five.

I taught a horse to read my emails for me.

I was imprisoned in Guadalajara and used to return every thursday after I escaped to play texas hold 'em with the guards.

The police often question me.

Just because they find me interesting.

I am listed as Elton John's emergency contact number.

I have been known to cure sleep walking just by walking in to a room.

My hair is one of the items on my organ donor card.

My wit and intelligence are expanding....

faster than the universe.

I only ever attend after parties.

Max B, Aug 25, 2012 @ 12:58

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Re: New and scared

Post 8

Aug 25, 2012 @ 13:30

On his best day; On his very best day; On the day he handed out the most ass kickings, chuck couldn't even stand in the same bus queue as me.

When I do push ups I don't push myself up, I push the world down.

I could sit down to piss and still be double Chuck at his most manly.

When it rains it's because I am thinking about something sad.

I am the only person to have ever ace'd a Rorschach test.

Alien abductors have asked me to........probe them.

I once punched a magician - that's right; I punched him.

I own three sports cars and I rent five.

I taught a horse to read my emails for me.

I was imprisoned in Guadalajara and used to return every thursday after I escaped to play texas hold 'em with the guards.

The police often question me.

Just because they find me interesting.

I am listed as Elton John's emergency contact number.

I have been known to cure sleep walking just by walking in to a room.

My hair is one of the items on my organ donor card.

My wit and intelligence are expanding....

faster than the universe.

I only ever attend after parties.

Aug 25, 12 12:58

http://www.nochucknorris.com/

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http://www.nochucknorris.com/

Karl N, Aug 25, 2012 @ 13:30

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Re: New and scared

Post 9

Aug 25, 2012 @ 13:31

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't findChuck Norris, he finds you.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you.
Try a different person.
Try someone less dangerous.

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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't findChuck Norris, he finds you.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you.
Try a different person.
Try someone less dangerous.

Karl N, Aug 25, 2012 @ 13:31

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Re: New and scared

Post 10

Aug 25, 2012 @ 14:11

OK Karl,

Judging by your post you are ready for this.

To the others - I can't stop you and I know you wont listen but when you drop kick your boss in the throat today after she makes an unreasonable request remember I told you you weren't ready to see this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqzQ2qrtBeg

Pause the video, put it on mute and open up a new window and put this on while you watch the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18TLHhhHZCA

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OK Karl,

Judging by your post you are ready for this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqzQ2qrtBeg

Pause the video, put it on mute and open up a new window and put this on while you watch the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18TLHhhHZCA

Max B, Aug 25, 2012 @ 14:11

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Re: New and scared

Post 11

Aug 27, 2012 @ 20:57

I have the exact same problem with dolphins.

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I have the exact same problem with dolphins.

Taylor E, Aug 27, 2012 @ 20:57

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Re: New and scared

Post 12

Aug 28, 2012 @ 17:33

I KNOW!

All the nature programmes portray them as gentle intelligent creatures. You NEVER see their insecure and needy side.

YOu wouldn't think it but their intelligence is actually a handicap - it's a pain in the ass.

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I KNOW!

All the nature programmes portray them as gentle intelligent creatures. You NEVER see their insecure and needy side.

YOu wouldn't think it but their intelligence is actually a handicap - it's a pain in the ass.

Max B, Aug 28, 2012 @ 17:33

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Re: New and scared

Post 13

Aug 28, 2012 @ 17:41

In Soviet Russia Norris chucks you too!

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In Soviet Russia Norris chucks you too!

Charlie, Aug 28, 2012 @ 17:41

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Re: New and scared

Post 14

Aug 28, 2012 @ 18:00

don't get it?

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don't get it?

Max B, Aug 28, 2012 @ 18:00

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Re: New and scared

Post 15

Aug 28, 2012 @ 18:17

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Stephanie R, Aug 28, 2012 @ 18:17

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Re: New and scared

Post 16

Aug 28, 2012 @ 19:36

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y-aJB2qkbeY/UDBPX0cK7WI/AAAAAAAAGFM/7h3TXx7moek/s1600/evil-dolphins.jpg

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http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y-aJB2qkbeY/UDBPX0cK7WI/AAAAAAAAGFM/7h3TXx7moek/s1600/evil-dolphins.jpg

Translator, Aug 28, 2012 @ 19:36

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Re: New and scared

Post 17

Aug 28, 2012 @ 19:39

http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/news-6-badass-facts-you-never-knew-about-dolphins

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http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/news-6-badass-facts-you-never-knew-about-dolphins

Translator, Aug 28, 2012 @ 19:39

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Re: New and scared

Post 18

Aug 28, 2012 @ 22:57

Knew it.

They are complete charlatans.

OK I'm putting this out there because I MAY be among fellow travellers.

Two years ago I went to a medecine man to do an ibogaine journey. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA0LD_OrmEE

This is a filmn Bruce Parry made and it was the one that inspired me to do my own journey.

It was wonderful/awful and it has taken me two years to recover.....BUT.....my guide told me that dolphins and whales had travelled from another solar system in huge packets of water.

I know! Kerazy but have you ever seen water in a zero gravity environment? I'm not sure I am ready to completely dismiss my guides view.

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Knew it.

They are complete charlatans.

OK I'm putting this out there because I MAY be among fellow travellers.

Two years ago I went to a medecine man to do an ibogaine journey. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA0LD_OrmEE

This is a filmn Bruce Parry made and it was the one that inspired me to do my own journey.

It was wonderful/awful and it has taken me two years to recover.....BUT.....my guide told me that dolphins and whales had travelled from another solar system in huge packets of water.

I know! Kerazy but have you ever seen water in a zero gravity environment? I'm not sure I am ready to completely dismiss my guides view.

Max B, Aug 28, 2012 @ 22:57

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Re: New and scared

Post 19

Aug 29, 2012 @ 10:11

Max B

Check the link then you'll get the joke...

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/in-soviet-russia

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