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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 23:01
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Q: Why do men pay so much money for a divorce?
A: Because it's worth it!!!
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Today @ 11:35
Posts: 93,
Visits: 1,083
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A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man,
'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: 17 August 2008 20:40
Posts: 4,
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there are 3 tomatoes sitting in a bar, which one is the cowboy? None of them - they're all redskins!
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: 2 days ago @ 11:33
Posts: 151,
Visits: 696
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Issy was playing a round of golf with Sidney when suddenly, Issy announces, “I want a divorce.”
“Why on earth do you want to do that?” says Sidney. “Why do you want to divorce your lovely Hetty? She’s beautiful. And if I may say so, she seems so warm and gentle, with a great figure to go with it.”
“Look at it this way Sidney,” replies Issy, as he removes one of his shoes. “Just look at this shoe. The leather seems soft and gentle, it looks great on my foot and its shape is very modern. Don’t you agree?”
“Yes,” replies Sidney, “but I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”
“Well,” says Issy, “I’m the only one who knows the shoe is pinching my toes and it hurts terribly.”
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Today @ 11:35
Posts: 93,
Visits: 1,083
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked
"Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 23 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 23 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "Sorry, I didn't bloody recognize you."
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 23:01
Posts: 559,
Visits: 671
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A labrador went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "then the telegram would make no sense at all."
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 23:01
Posts: 559,
Visits: 671
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A man and a friend are playing golf at their local golf course. In the middle of the game, one of the guys sees a funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops, takes off his golf cap, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Today @ 12:27
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is it me...  or are these jokes predominantly poking at women?? 
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Today @ 13:02
Posts: 152,
Visits: 1,190
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YouMeCo, this might balance things off.
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
*
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.
*
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'
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I thought...
*
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
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My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
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As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way
'Happy Birthday ! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
*
I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !'
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We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
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On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do We ?'
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I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'*
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After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied.
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She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
*
*
And I just sat there...
*
*
*
On the couch...
*
*
*
Naked.
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Today @ 11:35
Posts: 93,
Visits: 1,083
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>>>>>>is it me... or are these jokes predominantly poking at women??
Two Japanese businessmen are talking during their afternoon dip in the hot baths at the public bath house.
The first businessman says, "Hirokosan, I have unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonoring you. I saw her the other night and she was out with another man."
Hirokosan can't believe what he hears, and asks for more information. "It is as I said, Hirokosan, and she is doing it with a foreigner who appears to be of the Jewish faith."
Shocked, Hirokosan goes home to confront his wife. He faces her and says, "I am told that you are dishonoring me with a foreigner of the Jewish faith".
She replies, "That's a lie! Where did you hear such meshuga?"
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Group: glocals.com member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 23:01
Posts: 559,
Visits: 671
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Youme: so here's one about men... A man says to his man friend: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers. "
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